The age-old conflict between fat people and babies is being waged once again in West Allis, Wisconsin, and all we can do is take cover and hope the side that wins will be benevolent rulers. Tony Sparacino, a 83-year-old longtime Green Bay Packers fan, is challenging the team’s policy of requiring babies to have tickets to get into Lambeau Field.
His reasoning? There’s bench seating at Lambeau, and the Packers let enormous fat people take up two seats (or more) with only one admission. So why should babies, who sit in people’s laps and don’t take up a seat at all, have to have their own ticket?
PETA doesn’t want you to have that hot dog at the game. They don’t want you to set up a grill to tailgate in the parking lot. Basically, they don’t want you to have any fun at a football game. And now to make it easier for you to not have fun, they’ve ranked the top five most vegetarian friendly NFL stadiums. And with a combined record of 25-34-1, it’s not hard to wonder if those five teams are getting enough protein.
Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego took the top spot, for their “bean burritos, veggie sushi rolls, vegetable wraps, veggie hot dogs, and Gardenburgers.” I’m not surprised that San Diegans are watching their figures; most just use sporting events as an excuse to get a base tan. But the other ones on the list, including two perennial contenders for the fattest city in America, leave me scratching my head.
Not because she wants to, but because, as Cooper Manning told the NYP, Eli said “I don’t care if it’s 4 degrees in Green Bay, you’re sitting in the stands. ”
Ms. McGrew, who has been holding on for dear life with Eli since college, had previously sat in suites for games. But because the Giants always seemed to play poorly during those contests, she began sitting in the stands (and wearing ear plugs, we assume). From that, it’s safe to assume that you’ll have to pry a marriage to Eli away by her cold, dead ring finger.
Don’t believe us? Then check out the hilariousamusing dead-on comparison the NYP presents between McGrew and Jessica Simpson. Read more…
• During the Trojans’ season-ending undoing of UCLA, INSIDE USC overheard the Coliseum PA announcer start the 2nd half with the declaration, “Your USC Chargers!“• FRIENDS OF CRAZY JOE DAVOLA thinks the Brewers were drunk when they signed Eric Gagne to a 1-year, $10 million deal.
• DEUCE OF DAVENPORT gets down with Ravens lineman Jonathan Ogden, who shakes his money maker for low car insurance rates:
A blizzard dumped massive amounts of the white stuff on the ballpark this week, and the Packers “said they’ll need about 300 shovelers beginning at 8 a.m. and continuing throughout the day. The Packers will provide the shovels. Shovelers must be 15 and will be paid $8 an hour when they’re done.”
This must mean only one thing, there are no Home Depots in Green Bay.
Packers receiver Donald Driver told Jagler Tuesday night that “what happened to Ruvell ‘just ain’t right’ and says it’s the talk of the lockerroom.”
The season ticket holder is probably from Milwaukee, so the first person who provides information leading to the arrest and conviction of the penis poacher will be rewarded with two tickets to a Milwaukee Bucks game. The second person? Four tickets to a Bucks game.