• Meet Maria Verchenova, the swinging Russian sweetie who hopes to do in golf what fellow countrywoman Maria Sharapova has done in tennis.

• Glen “Big Baby” Davis makes Magic fans cry by hitting a game-winning shot - then bowls over a young courtside spectator. Of course, the kid’s dad isn’t very happy with the Raging Luna-Celtic.

• A Baltimore-area stripper claims that there’s nothing Michael Phelps likes better than sex & spitting tobacco.

• That Nuggets-Mavericks series certainly was a fierce one. If it wasn’t Mark Cuban getting into it with Kenyon Martin’s mom, it was Carmelo Anthony’s fiancee LaLa Vasquez jawing with Dallas fans.

• But Dirk Nowitzki steered clear of any such confrontations, since he had his own problems with his own fraudulent fiancee. Hey, Dirk - Tony Banks feels your pain.

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• Why did LaLa Vasquez get into some vicious verbal jawing with Mavericks fans? Because she claims she was receiving racist taunts.

• What the Hellman’s? USC basketball coach Tim Floyd supposedly spent $1,000 to get some Mayo.

• Huzzah! NASCAR events can trace their roots back to Medieval times.

• Ex-NBA player Corie Blount is sentenced to one year in prison for having too many blunts, but not without a final jab from the presiding judge: “Cheech And Chong would have a hard time smoking that much.”

• Since we’ve already covered the Miami Caliente, it’s only fair that we also take a look at the Lingerie Football League’s other Florida franchise - the Tampa Breeze.

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With the Mark Cuban-Kenyon Martin flap apparently settled, you’d think that would be the end of any hostilities between the Dallas Mavericks & Denver Nuggets. Thank goodness for LaLa Vasquez.

The MTV personality (as if anyone on MTV had any personality) and fiancee of Carmelo Anthony got into it with some Mavericks fans at the American Airlines Arena during Game 4, with the result of LaLa saying “Ta-ta!” as she was escorted out by security.

The video footage found only shows the aftermath of the incident, so we’re not exactly sure what started the whole mess. But Ms. Vasquez explains why it all went down - because Mavericks fans are racists.

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• Tryouts were held for the Lingerie Football League’s Miami Caliente, and some of the resulting scenes were, dare I say, en fuego:

• Mark Cuban uses his blog to apologize to Kenyon Martin’s mom. But if you think the Mavs-Nuggets rivalry has cooled off, just ask LaLa Vasquez.

• The Dodgers know what women want - their own online radio broadcast!

• The Blackhawks scalp the Canucks, while the Caps force a Game 7.

• A slimmer Jessica Simpson sings at Sea World, much to PETA’s chargin.

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A lot of the off-court news from the Nuggets-Mavericks playoff series has focused on the war of words between Mavs owner Mark Cuban and Lydia Moore, mother of Nugs forward Kenyon Martin. Now that their feud appears to be winding down, America needs a new off-court “thugs and punks” story to keep its ADD-riddled citizens entertained.

(Oh sure, she looks happy now…)

Thankfully, for the good of the nation, some new Melo-drama has come along to entertain us all. Last night, MTV personality and Carmelo Anthony fiancee LaLa Vasquez decided to start a feud of her own with an unnamed Mavericks fan that ended with Vasquez being escorted from the premises. Score one for the Mavs. Video proof that money can’t buy class, as well as a hearty dose of schadenfreude, after the jump.

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What do you do when you make a terrible mistake (like, say, a DUI) and word gets out that your ridiculously gifted VJ fiancée (one LaLa Vazquez) may not be thrilled with you at the moment? If you’re Carmelo Anthony and have a great PR firm on retainer, you find the right home for your message: PEOPLE.

(LaLa knows all about support for weighty tissue issues)

Don’t let the sportswriters or actual reporters get first shot at you; issue a terse press release with your apology on the day of the arrest and then get LaLa into a PEOPLE blurb, saying something blandly supportive like:

“I fully support my fiancé, Carmelo Anthony, and stand by him through this ordeal.”

Can you feel the love tonight?
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The SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit issue no longer compels us to sprint to the newsstand or rearrange our web surfing habits. But we were pleasantly surprised when we discovered that SI finally caught on and made the right call with its swimsuit-less cover girl.

For us, Marisa Miller will go down in history as the greatest non-celeb SI swimsuit-less model in history (that includes Elle). With seemingly all non-porn men’s magazines going with non-stop celebrity covers (enough Eva already!), SI’s call was a refreshing change. Read more…