Speed Read: Wait - WSU Cougar RB Almost Died?

It’s not often that injury news takes us completely aback, but that’s absolutely the case over in Pullman tonight. One slightly mentioned aspect of last weekend’s game pitting Washington State against Southern Methodist was WSU’s tailback, James Montgomery, suffering an apparent knee injury. Not that those aren’t serious, but, y’know… they happen.

James Montgomery WSU

But one thing that doesn’t usually happen is a potentially fatal injury that nobody recognizes immediately. That’s what apparently befell Montgomery during the game; after the game, he reported increasing discomfort with the knee, and went in for surgery on Sunday morning. It probably saved his life.

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Speed Read: Terrell Owens Released Into the Wild

The Worldwide Leader dropped the bomb around midnight that Terrell Owens, whose given name could be Mercurial T. Owens, has been let go by the Dallas Cowboys. Clearly, anticipated chemistry issues with Jon Kitna forced the move. Kitna is on the record as preferring Sweet’n'Low while Owens is all about the Equal.

Jerry Jones Terrell Owens

(”Ha ha ha ha… pack your stuff.”)

On SportsCenter last night, ESPN’s Michael Smith reported there would be significant financial penalties for the Cowboys to cut Owens as much of his 4-year, $34 million contract signed less than a year ago is guaranteed cash. We hope this means Owens will continue to have at least twenty million reasons to come back to camp this summer.

Terrell Owens and Candace Cabrera

(Note to ESPN: Neil Everett is monumentally awful at ad-libbing. Never tell us how cool it is to be the one on the dais when news breaks. When a big story hits, break the glass on Bob Ley.  Surprisingly good: Stuart Scott. Also, how did Ed Werder not break this story?)

(Note 2 to ESPN: Please remind Keyshawn Johnson that Charlie Manson comparisons may be a bit dated, not to mention a little racy.)

LeBron James

In brighter news, the Cleveland Cavaliers claimed the first musical chair in the Longines Symphonette that is the NBA playoffs with a 91-73 triumph at home against Milwaukee. The Cavaliers move to 48-12, which is exactly how LeBron James hopes his Knicks career starts in two years.  (We kid, Cleveland, we kid.)

LeBron posted a silent but deadly 23-8-4 on 7-of-11 shooting Wednesday night.  Unfortunately, his most offensive move isn’t necessarily the one he unleashes on the court:

On the other end of the spectrum, Shaquille O’Neal has been letting everyone know that his excrement does not emit a malignant odor. First, he somehow thought he could pull off the Divac Dive against DwightTime Warner Intellectual Property HereHoward.

 

Then, when the Van Gundy with the honest living fussed about the sad little move, there was a Shaqhissy, captured on Miami’s 790 THE TICKET by Jorge Sedano and reproduced below in the popular MP3 format:

None of this, of course, helped the Suns win in Orlando or Miami. The Suns dropped their second Florida game in the “He Hate Me” series of former O’Neal teams last night in Miami, 135-129. No defense in here anywhere.

Shaq with Renaissance Faire groupies

(Perhaps the only men left who will fight for Shaq’s honor)

We feel compelled to note again that Shaq’s a complicated fellow. We recently saw him encourage his kids post-game to say hello to a fragile 7′ 6″ teen that sat near courtside after being featured on the local news the previous night. This was done under the stands with little fanfare, maybe a few dozen witnesses and none from the media.

When his young son was too shy to do so and tried to hide under Dad’s massive jacket, Shaq gently insisted until his son shook the adolescent hand. Shaq could relate to the teen’s condition better than nearly anyone on the planet and made sure that young man felt welcome. Also, Shaq showed his own son the importance of graciousness.

Shaq makes that gesture damned near every day of his life, often without credit. He’s also the same man that made the comments to the media above. He may have been compared to a meteorite by this author yesterday, but not in the most important way: Shaquille O’Neal is a force of nature. Try to comprehend him at your own risk.

Same for Terrell Owens. Same for LeBron James. Maybe not so much for Jon Kitna.

And now the proverbial hail of bullet points while saving a parking spot with your life

Where will Terrell Owens go next?

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Keyshawn Wants You To Take Him Less Seriously

When a PR company puts out a release on election day, especially on one of the most historic election days even, it means one of two things: an incompetent flak, or they’re trying to slip in under the radar because they’re embarrassed by the product. But what could possibly be so embarrassing? How does Keyshawn Johnson, Interior Designer sound?

Keyshawn Johnson

Set your DVRs now for Keyshawn Johnson: Tackling Design, to premier on the A&E Network next year. The premise is about as spectacular as they come: follow everyone’s favorite overrated receiver and loudmouthed analyst as he tries to make a name for himself in the cutthroat world of making sure the carpet matches the drapes. (Keyshawn drops his manhood like he dropped passes, after the jump.)

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T.O.’s Latest Tirade: Romo OK, Keyshawn’s Crap

Don’t forget - we’re live blogging tonight’s Angels-Red Sox game at 10 pm ET.

Terrell Owens trades the object of his irritation from Tony Romo to Keyshawn Johnson.

Tony Romo Terrell Owens Keyshawn Johnson

• Guess blackouts do work, after all. Just ask the White Sox and Middle Tennessee State. But don’t ask Georgia.

Ty Willingham likes his Huskies’ chances this year. Um, should someone tell him Washington is 0-4 already?

• For a 3rd place finish in the AL East, Yankees GM Brian Cashman is awarded with a new three-year, $6 million deal.

• Always wondered what’s written on those NFL QB wristbands? The Boston Globe finds out - and wishes they didn’t.

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T.O. Forgives Romo, Turns Attention To Keyshawn

Good news, Cowboys fans, Terrell Owens has buried the hatchet with Tony Romo after Sunday’s loss to the Washington Redskins. In case you missed it, after the game on Sunday, Terrell complained that Romo didn’t get him the ball enough - even though he was targeted in nearly a third of all the Cowboys plays on offense.

After watching the tape, Owens admits that he was just frustrated with the loss and needed to blow off steam. Though he also managed to point out that even though there were a lot of balls thrown his way, not all of them were a “valid catchable pass.” Of course, after pardoning Romo for not being perfect, Owens moved on to ESPN analyst Keyshawn Johnson who was openly critical of T.O.’s postgame petulance. You know, because Keyshawn was never the type to complain about not getting the ball. Anyway, T.O. repeatedly referred to Keyshawn as Sheshawn (snap!), and threw in this little dig as well.

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Blog-O-Romero: Zombie Kickball! URRRRGGGHH!

• DEADSPIN thinks they have the braaaaaaiiiiins to play zombie kickball.

zombie kickball

• WITH LEATHER thinks it’s lovely that USC assistant coach Pat Ruel is so enraptured by Pete Carroll.

• THE BIG LEAD tries to clean up the BCS mess by suggesting the creation of some college football superconferences.

• THE SPORTS HERNIA believes Jason Giambi’s mustache has gone from state trooper to state corrections inmate.

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Stylin’ Keyshawn Tells Fashion Critics To Eat Crow

Keyshawn Johnson always knew he was one football stud that had some serious style. Now he has the hardware to finally prove it.

Keyshawn Johnson NFL Draft pink tie

(Give me the damn ‘Best Dressed Man’ award!)

Matt Mosley of ESPN’s HASHMARKS struts out the news that the NFL studio analyst was awarded “Best Dressed Man” at this year’s Michael Awards, joining such illustrious past victors as Pat O’Brien & Regis Philbin.

Now Keyshawn believes that winning a trophy from a little-known fashion awards show should silence the skeptics of his style: Read more…

Keyshawn Johnson To Reunite With Bill Parcells?

The MIAMI HERALD today has Keyshawn Johnson campaigning, albeit through his agent, for a roster spot on the 2008 Miami Dolphins.

Keyshawn Johnson Bill Parcells

Jeff Darlington of the Herald: “Former Pro Bowl wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson has not ruled out the possibility of making a comeback to play specifically in Miami for Parcells, a mentor and close friend.

In an e-mail to The Miami Herald, agent Jerome Stanley said Johnson remains in ‘great shape’ while also remaining close to Parcells, who coached Johnson with the New York Jets and Dallas Cowboys.

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Terrell Owens Calls Out Keyshawn Johnson After Cowboys Comments

T.O. IS P.O.’ED OVER KEYSHAWN’S COWBOYS COMMENTS: Terrell Owens isn’t too happy with recent comments from Keyshawn Johnson:

Keyshawn Johnson Terrell Owens

AWFUL ANNOUNCING hears it all started when the ex-NFL receiver attributed the Cowboys’ success this year to previous coach (and fellow ESPN analyst) Bill Parcells.Johnson explained that the 12-1 record was due to Parcells’ assembly of the team in seasons before, and that current head coach Wade Phillips is the beneficiary of Bill’s work.

Bill Parcells Cowboys

Owens, who’s no big fan of the Big Tuna, didn’t appreciate Keyshawn’s comments: “My thing is give credit to Wade. The difference between Wade and Parcells is this: Parcells, he didn’t use me as a playmaker; Wade, he got the staff, and that’s what I’m being used as.”FRIENDS OF CRAZY JOE DAVOLA adds that T.O. then had some special words specifically for Keyshawn:

I challenge him to come down here and take my job. ESPN producers, let him go. I’m probably the reason he’s in the booth now. He’s going to be a hater and throw me under the bus because he has to defend Bill. He won a Super Bowl and all, but you’d have to check the roster to know he was even on the team.”


It’s not the first time Keyshawn has created verbal fisticuffs with a flashy receiver. Earlier this season, he got into it with fellow Johnson Chad over Ocho Cinco’s TD celebrations.Put these three together with Michael Irvin, and you got yourself quite a round-table discussion. TV viewers will need a widescreen set just to hold all the egos.

Palmer Misses The Loud & Flamboyant Ocho Cinco

CARSON PALMER WANTS THE OLD CHAD JOHNSON BACK: Arrogant. Flamboyant. Trash-talking. Self-promoting.

Carson Palmer misses the old Ocho Cinco:

Chad Johnson

The SPRINGFIELD (OH) NEWS-SUN offers a moment of silence for the suddenly subdued Chad Johnson, who’s been pretty quiet this season. But when you’re 2-5 and in the AFC North basement, there isn’t much for Chad to chat about.The Bengals QB is hoping to turn the team around, and get back to the original Johnson: “I like the louder Chad — the more confident (player), talking trash in people’s ears about different things.”

Fellow receiver T.J. Houshmanzadeh isn’t as concerned with Chad clamming up: “I don’t think anything’s wrong with him. We’re not winning. So when you don’t win, everybody’s disappointed. He’s no different.”

Chad Keyshawn Johnson

But ol’ 85 can still talk it up when he wants to. Just ask Keyshawn.