So Kevin Smith Wants To Make A Hockey Movie

Kevin Smith, of “Clerks” and “Jersey Girl” fame, is a huge New Jersey Devils fan. That’s not news if you’re a hockey fan, which applies to… 0.0002% of our readership (Sorry, guys! Both of you!).

Kevin Smith devils towel
(C’mon, everyone wears scarves.)

To that end, as PUCK DADDY reports, Smith is considering making a hockey movie, one that Puck Daddy calls “‘The Wrestler’ for hockey.” We initially interpreted that as Mickey Rourke climbing back into the ring in full goalie gear and clocking guys with a breakaway hockey stick or something, but apparently that’s not happening. Despite that heartbreaking news, the project sounds cool anyway: Read more…

RB Smith Sadly Predicts Detroit Is Playoff Bound

It’s that time again: time for your Friday afternoon delusion. This week it’s courtesy of Detroit running back (and only good player on the team) Kevin Smith, who confidently predicts the Lions will make the playoffs.

Detroit Lions

I’ll type that again so you’re sure it’s no typo. Kevin Smith says the Lions will make the playoffs in 2009. And what’s worse is that it isn’t even his most unbelievable statement, since he follows that up by saying, “We weren’t far off last year.”

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Detroit Lions “Refurbish” Special Replica Jerseys

Normally, when a team does something colossally stupid in a cost-saving maneuver these days, we chalk it up to the economy and move on. But when it’s the Detroit Lions, well, we get the feeling that this sort of thing’s just bound to happen no matter what the Dow does.

Kevin Smith jersey
(You might want to check the nameplate on that one.)

Take the Lions’ draft party at Ford Field this past weekend. They decided to give away some replica jerseys to season ticket holders, which is pretty cool if it didn’t mean the poor guys would now have to wear an 0-16 team’s jersey. The jerseys, it seemed, were customized for Kevin Smith (not him), their 2007 #1 draft choice and future hero in the backfield. But when is a star tailback’s jersey not a star tailback’s jersey? When it’s the old star tailback’s jersey!

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Speed Read: Sox Sweep As Ellsbury Steals Home

You had your fun, Red Sox haters, when Boston was 2-6 and looking like a mediocre mess. Now, the Sox have won 10 straight and look like the team to beat in the AL East (can Toronto really keep this up?). The Yankees found three different ways to lose to the Sox over the weekend, and were further embarrassed when Jacoby Ellsbury stole home off of Andy Pettite:

Ellsbury’s theft highlighted a three-run fifth inning that led the Red Sox to a 4-1 win on Sunday Night Baseball.  It was the weekend in a nutshell for the Yankees, who are now facing mounting questions about their pitching staff, which is ruining things for an offense that’s scoring more than five runs per game (and will get better when A-Rod returns).

So, you’re the Orlando Magic, you’re down 2-1 in the series to heavy underdog Philly, and you just dumped a nine-point lead late in the fourth quarter and find yourself tied in the final seconds. You don’t want this going to OT because the Sixers have all the momentum. So now what? Clearly, it’s time for Hedo Turkoglu to just dribble around for a while and then drain a 26-footer to win it 84-81:

Just how you drew it up, right Stan?

In Houston, the Portland Trail Blazers once again had a chance to steal a game from the Rockets…and once again, gave it away late. The Rockets killed the Blazers on the offensive boards, getting two huge second chances that led to three-point daggers from Shane Battier in the final minutes. Portland still had a chance to tie it with 20 seconds remaining, but Brandon Roy was called for an offensive foul, then Travis Outlaw missed a deep three. The Rockets held on, 89-88, to take a 3-1 series lead. Houston needs just one more game to advance to the second round for the first time since 1997. And, unfortunately for Blazer fans, Tracy McGrady isn’t around to blow this one.

Luis Scola

(How does his hair stay behind his ears all the time like that?)

In the NHL’s late game, the Hurricanes blanked the Devils 4-0 to push their series to a deciding game in Newark on Tuesday night. In related news, NHL.COM has told Kevin Smith he can’t blog about the series on their site anymore. Apparently, the NHL wants to be “family friendly” and didn’t realize they had commissioned one of the filthiest mouths anywhere to write about the series. So now, Smith has moved his playoff blog to his own site.

Kevin Smith

• The Broncos, along with all of the former AFL teams, are going to wear throwback jerseys for the first two games this season. No, not those orange ones we all remember from our youth. It’s this monstrosity that thankfully was retired after only two seasons (according to the DENVER POST, they were acquired secondhand from a defunct bowl game):

Denver Broncos horrible uniforms

• Man, the Royals even suck in India.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK notes that Mike Singletary confirmed yesterday that ex-Ball State quarterback Nate Davis has dyslexia. The 49ers still drafted him anyway.

• Amputee Kyle Maynard, who we’ve mentioned a few times here on SbB, lost in his MMA debut last night in Alabama. But he did last the full three rounds. FIGHT REPORT has all the details, including some video.

• The Caps drilled the Rangers 5-3 yesterday to send their series to a seventh game, but Rangers fans like THE MANIC RANGER are incensed that Donald Brashear got away with crushing an unsuspecting Blair Betts at center ice in the first period. See for yourself. It was pretty much a cheap shot, and if Game 7 gets out of hand either way, expect Brashear to get lit up by somebody:

• BUGS AND CRANKS thinks Ozzie Smith was copping a feel on Alyssa Milano’s sideboob at the 2007 All-Star festivities.

• ESPN called on Erin Andrews to moderate the historic Quan Cosby-Bill Cosby summit at the NFL Draft. Yalta can rest easy, though. As you can see, it mostly involved Quan talking on his phone while Bill babbled incoherently and tried to put on his old Temple helmet:

Quan Cosby Bill Cosby Erin Andrews

MJD over at YAHOO! SPORTS says the Bengals obviously are still not all that concerned about character, judging by their early draft picks.

• Seahawks LB Leroy Hill failed in his attempt to have his franchise tag removed by the team by getting arrested for pot possession. But now the ‘Hawks have drafted Aaron Curry, so Hill has been cut loose. That whole staged arrest seems like a waste of time now, eh, Leroy?

• This may not be sports-related, but lets face it, Bea Arthur was twice the man that A-Rod will ever be. So in honor of her sad demise, here’s some grainy footage of her embarrassing performance in the horrible Star Wars Holiday Special:

What was the most embarrassing loss for the Yankees this weekend?

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The Chizik Conspiracy Is Deeper Than You Know

Folks in Auburn were less than thrilled when the school signed the losingest coach in the Big 12. Folks at Iowa State were less than thrilled with him leaving, since all the co-eds wanted to sex him up good. So it’s no surprise that Gene Chizik might have some enemies.

Gene Chizik Iowa State football coach

But there’s a bit of a mystery surrounding Why was it registered before he coached a single game for the Tigers? Was it done by Auburn fans or ISU fans? And why, for the love of God, does it redirect to the University of Central Florida’s player profile page for Kevin Smith, now in the NFL?

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Dodgers Fans Protest ‘Porno’ Between Innings

It’s probably a rough morning for Dodgers fans. After knocking off the best team in the league, they probably thought they had clear sailing past the historically hapless Phillies. But they went out with a whimper, not a bang, and couldn’t even drink off their sorrows at Big Wang’s.

Manny Ramirez

(L.A. fans would never approve of someone whoring themselves for cash.)

But there is a silver lining. At least they won’t have to watch their awful, awful team anymore. But more importantly for the children, impressionable minds, and think-skinned religious folk of L.A., they won’t have to watch any more commercials for a Kevin Smith film.

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