Lebron James Attempts To Entertain Us All on Saturday Night Live

• As LeBron gets ready to host “Saturday Night Live” (is that show still on?), Jeff Gordon of FOX SPORTS races in to tell these celebrity athletes, “Don’t quit your day job“:

Shaq Diesel


• And when King James isn’t starring in lame skits, he’s teaming up with Russian racketeer Maria Sharapova to help fight poverty.

• STORMING THE FLOOR gives away news that NBA star Carmelo Anthony is in a charitable mood these days.

• FAN IQ has their boogie fever bought out, as Chad Johnson’s next end zone dance will be brought to you by GoDaddy:

Chad Johnson GoDaddy girl


• Speaking of Ocho Cinco, we finally have a winner in his Yahoo-sponsored Touchdown Celebration Showdown.

• ALL-AMERICAN PATRIOTS quenches our thirst, as Kevin Durant becomes the first-ever NBA rookie to sign a deal with Gatorade.

• MR. IRRELEVANT feels the anger rising within, as Redskins RB Clinton Portis just wants the damn ball:

Clinton Portis wig


• FIRE JOE MORGAN doesn’t find it Natural that the Rangers would play that song after a Sammy Sosa homer.

• RUMORS AND RANTS just won’t let some things go, as Vince Young is still miffed about not winning the Heisman.

• With the NBA season not too far away, THE BLOWTORCH pays tribute to the finest basketball stashes ’staches:

Basketball mustache


• CAN’T STOP THE BLEEDING gets the poop on the pigeon problem at Paul Brown Stadium.

• These just won’t stop: AZ SPORTS HUB finds the latest “Leave Britney Alone!!!” video spoof - this time, in support of benched Bears QB Rex Grossman.

Portland Blazers GM Kevin Pritchard Contemplates Interstate Draft Dilemma

BLAZERS GM CONTEMPLATES INTERSTATE DRAFT DILEMMA: The team mouthpiece TV announcer for the Blazers, Mike Barrett (no, not THAT Mike Barrett), posts this billboard on his blog:

Greg Oden Kevin Durant Billboard


Barrett reports Portland GM Kevin Pritchard “actually said Monday that he considered sitting out along I-84 (next to the billboard) to get an accurate measure of where Trail Blazer fans stand.

Kevin Durant


So it’s now safe to assume that Kevin Durant will soon be purchasing Portland-based mile markers as part of Oregon’s “Adopt A Highway” program.

Cheap Beer Night

• RANDBALL takes a nostalgic look back at the Cleveland Indians’ infamous 10-Cent Beer Night, and wonders how the blogging community would have reacted had it existed in ‘74:

Indians 10 Cent Beer Night


• CAN’T STOP THE BLEEDING catches Scott Van Pelt calling Francisco Cordero “a Biz Markie lookalike.

• Speaking of separated-at-birth, RIVALFISH offers some fun comparisons between celebrities and sports logos.

Sports logo lookalikes


Some of our favorites include the Syracuse Orangeman & the Kool Aid Man, and the Chicago Bull & Harrison Ford.

• Tom Hoffarth of the L.A. DAILY NEWS reports basketball Hall of Famer John Amaechi will be the grand marshall for this year’s L.A. Gay Pride Parade.

Wait…Hall of Famer?

• We know the new London Olympics logo is bad, but could it really trigger epileptic seizures?

London Olympic Chimp


• Serena Williams on her recent quarterfinal loss in the French Open: “I Feel Violated“.

• 100% INJURY RATE kicks sand in the face of Kevin Durant, as they list some notable folks who can lift more than him.

• LION IN OIL slaps down the news that the Lowell Spinners have purchased the first base that was used in Game 6 of the 2004 Red Sox-Yankees series.

A-Rod Slapping Balls Purse


The Boston-affiliated team is also the same one that tried to convince many New England Little League squads to ditch the Yankees name for their own.

• You thought the XFL was bad, FAN IQ loses the remote after learning Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals was the lowest-rated program ever for NBC primetime TV.

University Of Florida President Bernie Machen Backs Down On College Football Playoff System

A late afternoon Bullet Joint for ya:

• COWARD UF PREZ IMPEACHES COLLEGE FBALL PLAYOFF: The MIAMI HERALD reports University of Florida President Bernie Machen, apparently not concerned with the laughable lack of credibility plaguing college football’s BCS debacle, has “backed off his playoff football proposal” after meeting with SEC presidents at the conference’s recent spring meetings.

Lee Corso Florida Gator Mascot Head


Machen “decided it’s better to work within the confines of the current” BCS system.

Actually the SEC presidents think it’s better to work within the confines of a system which fattens their personal bank accounts and maintains their Mao Tse Tung-esque chokehold on the sport.

• OLY LOGO A “PUERILE MESS” AND “BROKEN SWASTIKA”: By now we’ve all seen the new, absurd logo of the London 2012 Olympics:

London Olympic Logo


The MANCHESTER GUARDIAN reports that moments after the release of the design, which was created by Wolff Ollins and cost about $800,000 (!), an online petition “calling for the logo’s replacement had gathered more than 3,000 signatures, and websites and television news channels were inundated with almost universally hostile opinions about the design.

Design Museum Founder Stephen Bayley called the logo a “puerile mess, an artistic flop and a commercial scandal.” And the Guardian also notes posters on message boards said the logo resembled a “broken swastika.

• The New York Mets have launched something called “Your 15 Seconds of Mets Fame Commercial Contest,” and the winning entry will debut July 12 on SportsNet N.Y. during a Mets broadcast.

The winner receives tickets to a home game this season (woo-hoo!), and the ad will also appear on the videoboard at Shea Stadium.

Lastings Milledge Myspace Page Photos


Our bet on the first person to appear in the spot: Lastings Milledge.

• BRANDWEEK reports the lovely Heather Mitts will film a TV ad for Under Armour this week for the company’s new “Team Girl” apparel line. The ad will break during ESPN’s ESPY Awards on July 15.

Heather Mitts Soccer Player 1


• SPORTSBUSINESS JOURNAL reports Anheuser-Busch, which was a WNBA founding sponsor and has pumped tens of millions of advertising dollars into the league over the past decade, “is out after 10 seasons.

A-B VP of Global Media & Sports Marketing Tony Ponturo on the WNBA: “The national (television) ratings are tough and the markets without teams had very little interest.

• During a recent ESPN “Outside The Lines” episode, Chicago WSCR-AM sports talk radio host Mike North had these priceless comments about his bosses: “Most corporate executives in radio are weasels, number one. They don’t have any guts, number two. … You don’t know that you said anything wrong until a couple of people bring it up or it’s in print. All of a sudden, the corporate executives who let you say that same thing for 15 years all of a sudden say, ‘You shouldn’t have ever said that.‘”

Speaking of the slap-happy funtime that is sports talk radio, AWFUL ANNOUNCING keeps us abreast of a brewing feud between ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd and ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons.

Bill Simmons


Apparently (I didn’t hear it) Cowherd mocked a recent Simmons post that presented a Kobe Bryant trade scenario.

Simmons then responded to Cowherd’s comments on ESPN.com: “ESPN colleague Colin Cowherd mocked my seven trade scenarios for Kobe on the radio last week without reading the entire column or even attempting to understand its premise … Cowherd embarrassed himself by not understanding basic NBA trading principles like it would be valuable for L.A. to swap Vlad Radmanovic’s contract for Bobby Sura’s expiring contract in a T-Mac/Kobe deal because Sura’s contract expires in 2008, which would buy them some cap space down the road.

Look, I know the radio business lends itself to hosts lazily skimming other people’s columns and blogs but seriously, Colin, in the words of Mark Jackson, you’re better than that. Your show’s on for three hours a day and you get four giant commercial breaks per hour. That leaves you plenty of time to research your segments so you don’t come off as misinformed. No offense.

• The PORTLAND OREGONIAN has an interesting breakdown on the vitals of Greg Oden and Kevin Durant - with Oden’s astonishing athletic attributes making him now the clear choice over the former Longhorn.

• SPORTSBUSINESS JOURNAL reports HBO Sports this summer will once again air the NFL reality show “Hard Knocks,” which centers on a NFL team’s training camp.

The Chiefs will be featured in this year’s edition. The network showed the Ravens in ‘01 and the Cowboys in ‘02.

• FATHER’S DAY GIFT PROVIDES A BONDING EXPERIENCE: The WALL STREET JOURNAL has the details on a Father’s Day travel package offered for Giants fans wanting to attend the June 15-17 series against the Red Sox at Fenway Park.

The $1,995 deal provides two suite tickets to the Saturday game along with a room at the Four Seasons Boston for Saturday night. A package costing $3,495 includes two suite tickets to games on Saturday and Sunday, plus two nights at the Four Seasons and a limo service to boot.

• The BOSTON COURANT reports Tom Brady has put his 3,422-square-foot, ten-room condo on the market for over $5.9M. Brady paid $4.1M for the unit in July ’04.

Meanwhile, Johnny Damon wants $8.2M for his Manhattan condo, which he bought a year ago for $5.5M.

• Reggie Bush is blowing off the New Orleans Saints offseason conditioning program for his own workout plan called “Free Flo Do”.

50 Cent Ciara Reggie Bush


Saints Coach Sean Payton on Bush’s decision: “I’m not familiar with Fre Flo Do. I’m a fan of our offseason program, that’s what I’m a fan of. I think when you align yourself to the right product, your Fre Flo Do, or your ice cream flavors, all that stuff tastes good.”

Wot?

• SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY reports FoxSports.com has signed former NEW YORK DAILY NEWS writer Mark Kriegel as a columnist. Kriegel “will write a weekly column on sports and pop culture named after his former newspaper column, ‘On The Mark’“.

Ladies Love the Tall White Awkward NBA Pretty Boys

• THIS ONE’S FOR THE LADIES: SPORTS HERNIA sets sail with their dreamboats in part 2 of their All-Time NBA Pretty Boys:

NBA Pretty Boys Dwayne Schintzius, Bryant Reeves, Greg Ostertag


• CNBC’S DARREN ROVELL tells us soon-to-be NBA star Kevin Durant has signed his first-ever endorsement deal. Nike? adidas? Nope, Upper Deck.

• PINEAPPLE JUICED: STEROID NATION reports the women’s winner of the 2006 Honolulu Marathon has tested positive for high testosterone levels.

• WHAT’S ALMA MATER WITH YOU? The new Stanford coach isn’t staying true to his old school, as THE WIZARD OF ODDS notes Jim Harbaugh’s not-too-kind words for Michigan.

• Now that Phoenix has a nose for winning again, AZ SPORTS HUB has compiled the Top 10 Playoff Moments in Suns History.

• And if b-ball in the Valley of Sun isn’t your thing, BARSTOOL SPORTS serves up some beefcake with The Top 10 Sports-Related South Park Episodes.

• WHAT, ME WORRY (ABOUT THE PISTONS)? NEED 4 SHEED thinks Kirk Hinrich is MAD.

• SACTOWN ROYALTY gets an early jump on the candidates mentioned for the vacant Kings coaching position.

• THE STARTING FIVE presents: How To Run A Successful Sports Blog For Fun & Profit in Five Easy Lessons.

Rick Barnes Scores One For NCAA Basketball Coaching Cabal

SCORE ONE FOR NCAA BASKETBALL COACHING CARTEL: The LOS ANGELES TIMES reports that Kevin Durant will soon have a $30M endorsement offer from Nike (which happens to 19-year-olds all the time!). With that news, Texas basketball coach Rick Barnes told the LAT that the NCAA “is changing its rule so players can be insured for $20[M] instead of the current $10[M].

Kevin Durant Rick Barnes


Barnes: “That’s the kind of step it’s going to take to protect our players and our game.

Rick Barnes Nike Scoreboard


Uh, “protecting our players” has nothing to do with it. It’s all about ensuring that Barnes and his fellow coaching cabal will maintain their own financial standing and leverage over baby ballers.