• LARRY BROWN SPORTS flips through the channels, and finds FOX cameras catching the Cubs’ Kerry Wood flipping the bird in the bullpen.

Wood really shouldn’t be doing that - such hand gestures might land Kerry right back on the DL.

• Stephanie Stradley of AOL FANHOUSE floats along rumors of Cedric Benson joining up with the Houston Texans.

• DEADSPIN discovers that Kevin Love is well-versed in the Cheez Doodle aura of Stephen A. Smith heckling.

• WITH LEATHER turns green at the news that this year’s Olympic sailing competition is threatened by algae.

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• Matt Mosley of ESPN’s HASHMARKS notes what the biggest reaction was to the finalization of the Pacman-To-Cowboys trade: “Patrons of Dallas strip clubs were spotted running for the exits.”

• The SOUTH FLORIDA SUN SENTINEL checks in to see how well the Orange Bowl demolition is going.

• Taking a cue from the K.C. Royals, EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY makes a date with the Oregon Ducks’ O-Line and their new calendar.

• Comedian Chris Elliott laces up with the New York Rangers. Man, we sure miss “Get A Life“.

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Next week, Tim MacMahon live blogs Casey Kasem’s “America’s Top 40″.

• Red Sox Nation declares war on DirecTV for losing the Tokyo transmission.

• But it’s a good thing the free couches didn’t arrive yet, or those would’ve followed the satellite dishes out the window.

• There’s still hope for Packers fans: Brett Favre isn’t officially retired yet.

• In his new book, Jose Canseco claims he helped turn A-Rod, Magglio Ordonez and Mike Wallace onto steroids.

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Lou Piniella officially named Kerry Wood the closer for the Chicago Cubs yesterday in a combination of classic fastball seduction and wishcasting about Wood’s health in the limited role. Wood’s reign as closer will be measured with an official Chicago Cubs egg timer before his arm explodes magnificently, taking out Mark DeRosa and Aramis Ramirez with shrapnel.

Cubs GM Jim Hendry, the man responsible for pairing up mankiller Dusty Baker and Kerry Wood, isn’t taking gentle criticism of the move well. In fact, he is quite happy to call out reporters that have done so and humbly remind them that “I don’t give a f*** what you think.” Twice. Look what happens when you set a bad example, Sam Zell!

As Hendry gets in touch his inner bully, the other man responsible for shattering Wood and Mark Prior’s career chose another path to redemption: historical revisionism. Dusty Baker now claims he never hurt a pitching fly.

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