Genetically Engineered Blue Horse Next 4 FedEx?

Horse racing picked up a valuable lesson from one of its endlessly circling brethren over the weekend when Big Brown won the Kentucky Derby in overwhelming fashion: get sponsors on the horses. Big Brown’s association with UPS (who likes their association with racing of all types) gave UPS $1.4 million in indirect exposure.

Horse with stickers

(By the way, we always wonder about those ‘exposure’ numbers that try to measure indirect publicity. We suspect the math works on a similar level to the Oscar viewership numbers and counting iTunes songs. And how do they factor in the Maker’s Mark we’ve consumed that will wipe our memory of the race?)

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Eight Belles’ Revenge: Show Horse Attacks Crowd

Since Eight Belles’ tragic injury at Saturday’s Kentucky Derby, coupled with Barbaro’s drama from a few years ago, questions are being raised over the safety and protection of race horses. And PETA is unsurprisingly getting in the act, demanding that Eight Belles’ jockey be suspended & investigated.

Eight Belles Kentucky Derby

However, as people wonder what can be done to protect these steeds, one galloping vigilante has taken matters into his own hands … er, hooves.

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Blog-A-Roni: Soccer Streaker To Strip For Playboy

David Warner of AOL FANHOUSE uncovers news that Tiffany May, the semi-clothed streaker at a recent U.S. Olympic qualifying match, will now be shedding her clothes for Playboy.

Tiffany May soccer streaker

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY (via THE DARTMOUTH) keeps both feet on the ground, as a future Big Green QB was almost killed by kitesurfing. But we suppose it could have been worse.

• KARE-TV reports that the ex-Vikings law-breaking trifecta is now complete. First Carl Eller, then Darrion Scott - now Onterrio Smith joins the jailbirds by getting cuffed for a DUI.

• THE ANGRY T finds some fashionable fillies breaking out the big hats at the Kentucky Derby.

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Your 2008 Kentucky Derby Dumbassery Roundup

For us, the Kentucky Derby is an opportunity to relive Hunter S. Thompson’s well-documented 1970 trip to enjoy the masterpiece of Southern life and horse racing. Therefore, welcome to our yearly attempt to live up to the Gonzo search for the Kentucky Derby ideal:

Hunter S. Thompson

“So the face I was trying to find in Churchill Downs that weekend was a symbol, in my own mind, of the whole doomed atavistic culture that makes the Kentucky Derby what it is.”

We’ll do our best.

On our trip south, let’s make a pit stop in Long Island, NY, where a charming couple chose to stop into the local off-track book to enjoy the Kentucky Derby. How grand, right? Unfortunately, they left their two-month-old in the car during the 20-minute stopover. Police frowned upon that; both have been arrested.

(It’s okay, though, officers! The mother left the heat on in the car. It’s like a baby chicken egg.)

That’s an auspicious start; let’s look at the celebrities and locals that graced Churchill Downs with their “pretentious mix of booze, failed dreams and a terminal identity crisis”. (Thank you, Hunter.)

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Blog-A-Roni: Samantha Steele Next Erin Andrews?

• Move over, Allie LaForce: WHEN KEGSTANDS GO WRONG serves up yet another collegiate challenger to someday succeed sideline siren Erin Andrews - Liberty University sports reporter Samantha Steele:

Samantha Steele college sports reporter next Erin Andrews

Better watch your back, Erin!

Erin Andrews Skin-Tight Pants Photos

On second thought, we’ll watch it for you.

• DEADSPIN feels pretty, oh so pretty, as the WNBA gives their rookie class some fashion tips.

• Papa John’s wants to make up for their LeBron James “Crybaby” shirts by offering Clevelanders 23-cent pizzas. Unfortunately, the garlic sauce will now cost $11.99.

Darren Rovell of CNBC knows Big Brown is in good hands, as the Kentucky Derby winner is insured for $50 million.

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Here Come The Eight Belles Message Boards

The Derby was marked with joy and sadness yesterday–almost simultaneously. As the celebration for Big Brown’s victory began, fans noticed that filly Eight Belles (finished second) had pulled a Dan Jansen and fallen to the track.

Eight Belles Kentucky Derby

When the veterinary staff came to the scene, they realized how gruesome her injuries were. Read more…

The Derby: What Hicks Watched Before NASCAR

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the past week, you know that the 134th running of the Kentucky Derby is today. NBC will be bringing you the two hours of pageantry and buildup, followed by two minutes of heart-pounding action. You know, just like your weekend plans. But with horses.

rednecks Kentucky Derby

That’s obviously a pedestrian perspective from someone without a firsthand account of the festivities. Everyone that’s actually been to the derby says it’s awesome…in its own way. Read more…