MAYNE LINE ABOUT NASCAR HAS COLUMNIST NOT SO ‘GAY’: ALLENTOWN MORNING NEWS columnist Jay Hart is seething mad over a cliched comment Kenny Mayne made about NASCAR on ESPN SportsCenter last Sunday night.

Here’s what Mayne said: “If Cletus, Jebadiah, Clanson [and] Susan — NASCAR has gone mainstream, after all — are not at work on Monday, here’s why: the Nextel Cup race at Dover will be run Monday at high noon due to the heavy rains that came on the intended race day, Sunday.”

Hart stamps his feet, and then has a much more entertaining (and original) reactionary take: “Media elites will undoubtedly find humor in what Mayne said, mostly because there’s a double standard when it comes to NASCAR, where it’s OK (and in Mayne’s case, funny) to take potshots at this uneducated, backwoods, single-toothed culture because, well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

“Do you know anyone named Clanson? — but more than likely we won’t hear a peep from the media, much less a call for an apology, unless of course Mayne were to call one of those rednecks ‘gay.‘”

Our city slicker gay readers will be happy to note that their sexual orientation has now been elevated to single quotation status in Allentown. Woo-hoo!

POLITICO SITE SNIFFS OUT MAYNE’S POLITICAL LEANINGS? Could ESPN SportsCenter anchor and network reporter Kenny Mayne, like Keith Olbermann, become the latest sports-centric commentator to assume a beltway-based show with no ratings (and the accompanying gigantic remuneration)?

That may well be a more distinct possibility than you think as right-leaning politico site NEWSBUSTERS claims he is “turning his on-screen appearances into an opportunity to promote the candidacy of a Dem presidential contender.“

“Watching ESPN’s Kenny Mayne over the course of the last few days, I was surprised to notice that he has coined a new call. Home run at a crucial moment? Three-pointer to take the lead in a basketball game? ‘Obama!’, exclaims Mayne.”

OK, maybe I can buy that analysis, but then the kook-conspiracy factor kicks in with this: “This is the second sign that Mayne leans left. He is also a celebrity endorser for ‘Progressive’ Insurance, owned by Peter Lewis, a billlionaire who has donated millions to Moveon.org and other far-left organizations.“

EDITOR’S NOTE: If you have a tip and/or a blog entry you’d like to see linked on SbB, email tips@sportsbybrooks.com.

• RONALDO DIVES INTO ROLE AS CARTOON CHARACTER: Buck-toothed, supermodel fondling (and legendary Brazilian soccer player) Ronaldo appeared on last night’s episode of “The Simpsons”.

During the show, Lisa Simpson dives to draw a penalty in a soccer game. After she’s quickly confronted by angry parents at the game, Ronaldo appears and says to Homer: “I travel the world exposing floppers and your daughter is a flopper“.

WithLeather has video of Ronald’s command performance.

• Mark Cuban guested on AMC’s “Sunday Morning Shootout” yesterday.

Cuban was queried if he would prefer winning an Academy Award or an NBA championship. He replied that he’d take a NBA ring first since “they only give out one a year and I’m going to have a crack at the Oscars every time I make a movie — hopefully.”

With comments like that, I guess we can expect Cuban to primarily make comedic films.

• Speaking of comedy actors, the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports Warriors coach Don Nelson filmed an HBO pilot for a series about a basketball team before taking his latest coaching job.

Nellie also claims, “Owen Wilson wanted me to be in a movie. … I was going to be a school principal.”

• The NEW YORK TIMES reports a three-year-old filly named Guts Game is co-owned by Paul LoDuca, Tom Brady, Jay-Z and … Kenny Mayne?

The horse apparently won a race last Friday night at Aqueduct, and coincidentally Mayne was on hand, assigned by ESPN executives to cover the race for ESPN3 (shhh … don’t tell Kenny the channel doesn’t exist, Bristol suits are just trying to find a place to hide him).

• The Big Lead has a well-trafficked open thread on the eternal “sports radio” vs. “sports journalist” debate.

And let’s face it, when that happens, everyone’s a winner.

KENNY MAYNE - BRISTOL’S BELOVED BLUE LIGHT BUFFOON: We all know how Kenny Mayne’s role at ESPN has sadly diminished since he joined the network in 1994.

And apparently this is what 13 years of cost-of-living pay raises hath wrought.

ESPN IS ABOUT PUTTING PEOPLE FIRST, AND HERE’S PROOF: There are a lot of things I like about ESPN, but tops on the list is the endearing humanity of the people who we welcome into our living rooms every evening. It’s nice to know they’re people too.

Like longtime SportsCenter sage Steve Levy, who along with inspiring a generation to take up a career in serious sports journalism, obviously has a way with women that most of us can only dream about:

Speaking of a chick magnet, what woman can resist the multifaceted mystique of Stuart Scott, who can just as easily hold the corner bar captive with his mad rapping ability as deftly navigating through late night Golden State-Milwaukee highlights:

But make no mistake, Bristol’s suave set isn’t limited to the younger generation, as Dick Vitale gives new meaning to the words “Awesome Babies!”:

What young man or woman hasn’t dreamed of being Chris Berman? Especially considering the fact that the larger-than-life figure always keeps cool under the unyielding weight of the wanton public:

But who knew about his John Stockton-esque peripheral vision? Just another example of why his perspective on athletic endeavor will always remain unchallenged in the pantheon of sports broadcast greats.

No chronicling of the phenomenon that is “The Worldwide Leader” would be complete without a live look-in at the consumate professionalism of Kenny Mayne - along with his warm, gracious manner with admirers:

Or how Linda Cohn somehow retains an effervescent glow despite the eternal time demands of adoring fans:

This should come as no surprise, but the near-mythical legend of Lee Corso all starts with his obliging treatment of the lockstep faithful who hang on his ever-credible cacophony:

And it’s no coincidence that a featured member of the network’s ever-expanding stable of highly-respected rising stars, Statboy, shows he can hold a room with the charm and wit of a modern-day Rat Pack member:

So there you have it. I hope this definitive off-air glimpse into the lives of these sports-centered celebrities helps you truly understand that for ESPN, it will always and forever be about people.

People just like you and me. *Sigh*

ABC last week debuted the second season of "Dancing With the Stars," which features ESPN’s anchor/reporter/mascot Kenny Mayne. Mayne on the experience: "I think I want to excel as opposed to just being the clown here. … My biggest fear is just being completely mocked." No worries Kenny, your ESPN bosses have already done that for you.

KILL YOUR TV: ESPN2 reports the strange news that Leonardo DiCaprio and poker player Doyle Brunson "are teaming up to produce ‘11TH HOUR,’ a movie about global warming’s effect on the environment." Speaking of something we don’t need to see, DAILY VARIETY reports that ESPN’s resident clown Kenny Mayne and NFL legend Jerry Rice will compete in the second season of ABC’s "Dancing With The Stars."

Aaron Greenfield on ESPN’s Kenny Mayne appearing in a commercial for Toyota where he mimics Latino soccer broadcaster Andres Cantor, "ESPN has lost more credibility by allowing another of its ‘journalists’ to do a commercial. … Just like newspaper and [TV] journalists should not do commercials, ESPN ‘journalists’ should not either." It’s really a moot point. When was the last time you watched any ESPN anchor and called him or her a "journalist?"
Anyone in television or radio will tell you - and I’ve worked in both - that the print media is truly the last bastion of journalism of any kind. Meanwhile, this week ESPN’s SportsCenter is airing a five-part series, "Gambling on Sports: The National Pastime." Larry Stewart of the LOS ANGELES TIMES sniffs out the network’s crass cross-promotion: "Could the timing have anything to do with the Saturday airing of an ESPN-produced movie [‘Hu$tle’] on Pete Rose’s gambling problems?"

Marcus DiNitto, Managing Editor of SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY reports ESPN "will take ‘SportsCenter’to the U.S. army base in Arifjan, Kuwait, for six days starting September 12."
"The 1:00am and 2:00am ET editions of the show will originate from the base, with Kenny Mayne and Steve Levy hosting. Lisa Saulters will file reports from the field, while the program will be conducted live in front of an audience of U.S. troops."

4/26/03 ESPN reports that the network, along with ESPN2, will air events from all four major leagues tomorrow, and Kenny Mayne hopes to make live appearances at all of them.

The itinerary: 1) NFL Draft in New York 2) NBA’s Pacers at Celtics 3) MLB’s Red Sox at Angels 4) NHL’s Wild at Canucks The Sunday night SportsCenter (11pm ET) will feature highlights from Mayne’s trip.