Ken Griffey Feels Like Someone Bungee Jumped Off His Right Nut

WE’RE JUST RELIEVED TO KNOW THE RIPCORD DIDN’T SNAP: Ken Griffey, Jr. to the CINCINNATI ENQUIRER on the lower abdominal strain he suffered yesterday at Wrigley Field:

Ken Griffey Junior Injury

The best way I can describe it is it felt like somebody bungee jumped off my right nut.

Simpsons Scheduled Plenty of Sports Stars Through The Seasons

‘SIMPSONS’ SERIES SHINES WITH SPORTS STAR SIGHTINGS: As Simpsons-Mania hits a fever pitch today with the opening of the animated family’s film, SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY looks back on the sports celebrities that made their appearances during the show’s 18-year run.

Simpsons Baseball

One of the earilest and most athlete-heavy outings was “Homer At The Bat” featuring such baseball buds as Darryl Strawberry, Ken Griffey Jr., Steve Sax, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs and Mike Scioscia.

The ballers are brought in for Montgomery Burns’ nuclear power plant softball team, but the ringers are rung through one mishap after another, leaving only Strawberry healthy & available for the big game.

Darryl Strawberry Simpsons

Oh, the irony!

Gridiron greats grandstand throughout the seasons, such as Johnny Unitas as a spokesman for the Lady Krusty Mustache Removal System. When the demonstrating model asks, “Is my upper lip supposed to bleed like this?” Johnny U answers, “Probably.”

Simpsons Johnny Unitas

Stars from other sports are sprinkled throught the series, from boxer Joe Frazier awarding excellence, to golfer Tom Kite hungering Homer with his suggestion of using an “open faced club sand wedge“.

Simpsons Joe Frazier Tom Kite

But it’s not only athletes that have signed up for Simpsons silliness and satire. Ring announcer Michael Buffer spews his signature line in an episode about Homer’s budding boxing career, while Fox TV owner Rupert Murdoch - proclaiming himself a “billionaire tyrant” - expells Homer and company from his private suite at the Super Bowl.

Simpsons Michael Buffer Rupert Murdoch

But sometimes the sports skewering can backfire. In the 1996 episode “You Only Move Twice”, Homer is employed with a company whose owner turns out to be a James Bond-esque super villain. After reluctantly leaving his job, a thank-you gift arrives on the Simpsons’ lawn in the form of the Denver Broncos.

Simpsons Broncos

A disappointed Homer groans, since he eariler mentioned his dream of owning a different NFL team. A note from his boss states, “It’s not the Dallas Cowboys, but it’s a start.” As the episode ends, the Broncos players are shown as totally inept, dropping passes and falling down clumsily.

Super Bowl XXXII Favre Elway

The very next season, Denver went on to win Super Bowl XXXII, possibly motivated by this cartoon condemnation.


Steve Hummer of the ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION, on Ken Griffey Jr.: "He remains the only person I’ve ever heard of who donated his body to science before he was done with it."

SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY surveyed 70 marketers, …

SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY surveyed 70 marketers, sponsorship consultants and media members to find the 10 most marketable MLB players. The results:

1) Derek Jeter2) Alex Rodriguez3) Sammy Sosa4) Mike Piazza5) Ichiro Suzuki6) Jason Giambi7) Barry Bonds 8) Hideki Matsui T9) Roger Clemens T9) Randy Johnson Jeter and ARod alone garnered 70% of the first-place votes. The Daily did a similiar survey in 1999 with Ken Griffey Jr. and Mark McGwire finishing #1 and #2 respectively.

At least McGwire has an excuse.

The COLUMBUS DISPATCH reports Ken Griffey Jr….

The COLUMBUS DISPATCH reports Ken Griffey Jr. is trying out some innovative contact lenses made by, who else, Nike.

Griffey: "They’re zero prescription. They just change the color. … Just everything that is red is red. Everything else is like an orangish tint. It sharpens red."
So the lenses help pick up the "spin on the (red) seams."

"Zero prescription" are the magic words for Reds fans, not because of the contacts, but because that means Junior is out of the doctor’s office and in the lineup.

USA TODAY reports Nike has released the $80 P…

USA TODAY reports Nike has released the $80 Paul Rodriguez signature shoe, named after pro street skateboarder Paul Rodriguez Jr., son of actor-comedian Paul Rodriguez.

The shoe is Nike’s first pro skateboard model signature shoe. Michael Vick, LeBron James, Vince Carter, Ken Griffey Jr., Lance Armstrong and Serena Williams are the only active athletes with signature Nike shoes.

Letterman’s remarkably unfunny "Top Ten …

Letterman’s remarkably unfunny "Top Ten Thoughts That Went Through Ken Griffey Jr.’s Mind As He Hit His 500th Home Run," read by Griffey Jr. via satellite:

10) "500 home runs! That entitles me to one free pizza at any participating Pizza Hut."9) "I owe it all to Dr. Phil." 8) "This is the time to debut my pants-less home run trot." 7) "Hey, maybe this’ll help me land an invitation to Commissioner Selig’s Fourth of July party." 6) "I’m five percent of the way to 10,000 home runs!" 5) "Now I’ve gotta go on eBay to buy the ball back." 4) "What a coincidence – today’s also the 500th time I took a leak in Sean Casey’s locker."3) "Maybe with this I’ll be named Cincinnati Reds Employee of the Week." 2) "C’mon, hurry up! I wanna make the 7:20 showing of ‘Dodgeball.‘" 1) "Anyone dumps Gatorade on me, I’m gonna pound ‘em with a fungo bat."


The CINCINNATI ENQUIRER’s John Fay writes of Ken Griffey Jr.: "He doesn’t hesitate to match loud fans profanity for profanity. What do the TV cameras pick up? Junior yelling at the fans. Griffey also hurts himself in other ways. He rarely signs autographs. He doesn’t sprint to his position in the outfield and wave to fans like Sammy Sosa."

Ken Griffey is Barry Bonds Light.


GRIFF STIFF: The CINCINNATI POST reports Ken Griffey, Jr. has dissed one of my ol’ baseball broadcasting buddies.

Junior recently told Reds CEO John Allen that he didn’t want Reds announcer Steve Stewart calling his 500th home run because it’s only Stewart’s first year with the club.

Junior: "It’s no disrespect against Steve, I just felt that when it’s done, it should be (called by) someone who’d been there."

What I’m sure Griffey doesn’t know is that Stewart has spent 12 previous years calling minor and major league baseball, and that he’s hardly a "rookie."