The Lakers are already the defending champs, and while the Cavs are adding an over-the-hill Shaq and Boston is making overtures to the shell that once housed Rasheed Wallace, the champs may have made the biggest splash of all — adding the insane, yet extremely talented, Ron Artest.

(Odds Ron’s going to forget he’s Kobe’s teammate and gets a flagrant 2 on him? About 2-to-1.)

The news came somewhat out of nowhere last night, as ESPN was still reporting during the early evening hours on the east coast that LeBron James had been reaching out to Artest in an effort to get him to Cleveland. ESPN expert Chris Broussard went on Sportscenter downplaying that situation, and within a couple of hours Artest was in ESPN’s L.A. studio announcing his intention to sign with the Lakers for the mid-level exception.

This is all fine and dandy, but does nobody remember about this?

Although, to be honest, Artest is just about the only guy in the league who could do this and then ask Kobe to go out to Applebee’s afterward. This guy doesn’t exactly go about things the normal way. I mean, we are talking about a guy who once tried to work at Circuit City in the offseason to get the employee discount.

Here’s what Ron-Ron had to say about coming to L.A., according to CBS SPORTSLINE:

“L.A. is what it is,” Artest said. “I’ve been here for the whole summer, and it’s pretty good. It’s good for me. I know Lamar Odom, so that’s pretty cool.”

Awesome, they can totally ride bikes together and eat toooooons of gummy bears.

All the clamoring for the Lakers to pony up the cash to keep Trevor Ariza sure went away quickly, considering that Artest is accepting the mid-level (which will be under $6 million next year) while Ariza was looking for something in the $7 million+ range. And now word is out that Ariza will be taking Artest’s place in Houston, and will in fact accept the mid-level (though over the full term of five years).

(”Here’s how many titles I’m going to win in Houston.”)

I’ve seen baseball games delayed for a wide variety of reasons (I was at Shea Stadium once when the sprinklers came on unannounced, or there’s that one time a plane crashed beyond the left-field wall), but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a game get derailed by bees. In the ninth inning of yesterday’s Padres-Astros game at Petco Park, a swarm overtook a jacket that was draped over a chair down the left-field line (the coat belonged to a ball girl).

Apparently, the swarm’s queen bee took up residence inside the coat, which led to thousands of workers, or drones, or whatever they are, descending on the area around the jacket. It was nearly an hour before a beekeeper arrived on the scene to take care of the bees. He dove right into the jacket, sprayed the bees (which were in a mass about the size of a soccer ball) with some sort of agent, then shoveled the presumably dead bees into the jacket (PETA is already preparing to complain about this I’m sure), which was put into a plastic bag and carried away. Eyewitnesses report that the beekeeper received the biggest ovation of the day, as the Astros cruised to a 7-2 win.

Now, while you watch two guys named Andy battle it out on Center Court, here’s some links to get you through your Friday:

• The Phoenix Lifelock Mercury’s Diana Taurasi got a DUI early on Thursday morning. It’s about time WNBA players start acting like real athletes.

• A suspected rapist who was attempting to assault a woman yesterday in San Diego was fought off successfully by the woman, then he tried to run away from her. Which might have worked…if the woman wasn’t a marathon runner. Let’s just say the future’s not looking too bright for this guy right now.

• I’m a big 1964 Topps baseball card guy, partly because of the multiple laughable errors made throughout the set by Topps’ editorial staff, which seemed to exist of a five-year-old with a learning disability. And Keith Olbermann delivers us the most ridiculous error in the set (if you’re not getting it, just read Dave Bennett’s bio again):

• The World Series of Poker’s main event starts today at the Rio in Las Vegas, and among the thousands registered to play over the next few days is none other than Barack Obama. No, the Prez didn’t buy in himself — a poker pro named Richard Sklar (who also happens to be an ex-con) put up the $10,000 to enter him into the event. Sklar then made a number of bets with other pros that Obama would show up to play at least one hand. Chris “Jesus” Ferguson and Phil Gordon are among the pros who said they’d pony up big cash for charity if he does show. GAMBLING ONLINE has details, as does this thread at poker site TWO PLUS TWO.

•  The CFL has indeed fined Toronto WR Arland Bruce, who posed as Michael Jackson’s corpse in the end zone after scoring a touchdown on Wednesday.

•  In 1990, Family Feud had an entire episode pitting five Major League players against five umpires. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Rick Sutcliffe rocking the Cubs jersey tucked into jeans and the late, great Eric Gregg saying “what’s your name, baby?” Here’s Part 1 of 3 (thank you UNI WATCH for the tip):

• GAME ON says the rumors that the Texas Rangers had to borrow $15 million to meet payroll are not true, though there is a framework in place if they do need to borrow money. That’s comforting.

• New Grouch Chairman of the BCS Overlord Oversight Committee Harvey Perlman on the idea of a college football playoff (courtesy of the WIZ OF ODDS):

“If you look at college football now, it’s the greatest sporting event spread over September, October, November, December and a little bit of January that the country has. A playoff would seriously diminish the regular season, as it has in college basketball… This isn’t basketball. This isn’t March Madness. Football’s a different game, different environment. We have different traditions. It’s hard to see why a playoff is a good idea.”

I’m with you, Harvey. I don’t even know why any of these silly sports with their useless playoffs even have a regular season. An arbitrary, invitation-based system guided by a perplexing computer formula is obviously the way to go for any sport that wants to be taken seriously.

• Mariners prospect James McOwen (who honestly wasn’t much of a prospect prior to this year) extended his California League-record hitting streak to 39 games with a 3-for-4 night in the High Desert Mavericks’ 6-2 win over the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes at the most awesomely-named park in all of baseball — The Epicenter.

• Danica Patrick might want to stick to the GoDaddy stuff, and steer clear of the Elton John glasses:

Dan Patrick & Keith Olbermann - together again, Sundays this fall on NBC!

• Brian Bosworth is back in the news, and it’s for a noble deed indeed.

• Those appearing on Showtime’s new version of “Inside the NFL”, please step forward. Whoa, not so fast, Dan Marino.

• Chipper Jones apparently isn’t well known in “American Idol” circles.

• Lou Holtz’s friendship with the dearly(?) departed Jesse Helms may have cost the coach his Arkansas job.

• Jason Peter’s new book details a football life of drugs, hookers and attempted suicide - which makes for some great summer reading!

Read more…

Richard Sandomir of the NEW YORK TIMES has a bombshell today about Dan Patrick, reporting that the former ESPN SportsCenter anchor will be reunited with Keith Olbermann on NBC’s Sunday Night Football broadcasts.

Nice play by Dick Ebersol, especially when it comes to boosting Patrick’s profile, who is currently saddled with a syndicated radio show that has very little live clearance in major markets (save Los Angeles). This is the sort of thing that could really help his daily show take off.

Think about Jim Rome’s radio show before he became a stalwart on Fox Sports Net’s “The Last Word.” Besides his L.A. flagship, he was taking calls everyday from the likes of Lincoln, Nebraska, and Green Bay. The TV presence brought him more prestige and pushed him into the sports media mainstream- with the accompanying major market radio affiliates to follow. The NBC thing for Patrick may function similarly. We’ll see.

More details from SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY:

Ebersol said of the set-up of the show, which runs from 7:00-8:30pm ET, “Highlights that begin at 7:15 (ET) will be Dan and Keith. They’ll do the highlights straight through until about 8:00, with the exception of one segment that Cris and Bob will do somewhere around 7:30 or 7:40.” He added the mics for all members of the studio team, which also includes Tiki Barber, Jerome Bettis and Peter King, will be open, allowing them to comment when they feel like it.

In addition to “FNIA,” Patrick will also be part of the net’s Super Bowl coverage when it has TV rights, as well as a member of NBC’s Olympics coverage beginning with the 2010 Vancouver Games.

I’m sure Dan is broken up about missing out on Beijing. Aw, shucks!

I spent most of Sunday midday watching the Roger Federer-Rafael Nadal match. The pair helped me get quite the workout on the treadmill at my gym, as I couldn’t bring myself to leave until the match’s conclusion (three hours later!).

I haven’t watched much tennis lately, so I was a little perplexed about who was calling the PBP of the Wimbledon men’s finals match. After I heard John McEnroe refer to his partner as “Ted” I then realized that former SF Giants announcer Ted Robinson was behind the mic.

Robinson, who is a longtime tennis guy as well, was serviceable in his role, but when Dick Enberg appeared for ESPN for some post-match analysis, it made me a little sad that he wasn’t still NBC’s main tennis voice. I remember Enberg’s Wimbledon call well for those Borg- and Connors-McEnroe epics. And from what I’ve heard from Enberg’s recent work, there’s no doubt that he could easily still be doing big events for NBC.

NBC drew a 4.6 rating for the match, which is the highest number in eight years for the broadcast. The figure is also up 44 percent from last year’s finals, which ironically featured the same combatants.

ESPN’s Bud Collins to Sports Biz Daily on Federer-Nadal: “I’ve covered 41 finals, including the classics of 1980 and 1981 with (Bjorn) Borg and (John) McEnroe, but this 4 hour, 48 minute final is No. 1.”

(NBC Wimbledon PBP not the same without Dickie E.)

Collins is another guy, like Enberg, who should’ve never been kicked to the curb. He was plenty lucid in his reportage on ESPN with Luke Jensen, who I also liked.

The NYT’s Sandomir also pins down Joe Buck on comments he made to ESPN Radio about not watching much baseball (among other things) and having to cram to get ready for his FOX games.

Sandomir wrote, “On Thursday, Buck said in an interview from his home in St. Louis that he was joking about his TV habits — even if neither the host nor the guest sounded amused. He was too flippant, he said. And so, a little verbal damage control.”

Safe to say Buck heard from Fox Sports TV management about his embarrassing comments made to ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd.

Also interesting to note that Sandomir made no mention of the only reason anyone is talking about the comments at all. If it wasn’t for Brian Powell at AWFUL ANNOUNCING posting about the on-air exchange, you can guarantee Buck would’ve been in the clear (I’m guessing Cowherd & Co. don’t look at it that way).

One person who today is probably disappointed with Buck’s backpedal is Kyle Nagel of the DAYTON DAILY NEWS, who columnized after Buck’s comments that the announcer was in the right.

Brewers broadcaster Jim Powell breaks down the C.C. Sabathia deal and the man behind it, Doug Melvin, better than anyone I’ve seen, heard or read.

Forest Griffin playing at the WSOP moments after his UFC win over Rampage Jackson:

The WASHINGTON POST has the sad news that Wizards Owner Abe Pollin is now confined to a wheelchair “because of progressive supranuclear palsy, a disorder of the brain that impairs movement and balance.”

The 84-year-old Pollin: “(It’s a) horrible disease. But I’m fighting it.”

Read more…

Since the unexpected passing of Tim Russert last Friday, NBC has been faced with the difficult decision of finding a new host for “Meet The Press”. For this Sunday, Brian Williams will serve as temporary moderator - then other NBC, MSNBC & CNBC personalities will sub in for future shows.

One member of this morbid musical chairs is Keith Olbermann. (Sure, he may be into the politico thing over at MSNBC, but will always fondly remember him for his days with Dan Patrick on “SportsCenter“.) In fact - at least according to the NEW YORK POST’S PAGE SIX - Olbermann wants Russert’s job so bad that he’s ready to quit if he doesn’t get it.

And Olbermann’s cable cohort Chris Matthews is also vying for the spot. The Post additionally reports that at memorial service for Russert on Wednesday, Matthews was overheard plotting strategy to take Tim’s place.

And that’s when the real fun begins. Read more…

• SHUTDOWN CORNER chows down on the revelation that Redskins TE Chris Cooley wouldn’t be where he is today (like marrying cheerleaders) if not for the fine fast food folks of McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc.

Wonder how the meals were on his honeymoon.

• WITH LEATHER drives up news that the North Las Vegas P.D. thinks Ben Roethlisberger is a big dummy.

• HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS zings up video of “Scrubs” star Zach Braff’s small-screen debut - as a horny student at ESPN’s Bristol University.

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS jabs up word that promising pugilist Jose Canseco wants to go a few rounds with Curt Schilling.

Read more…

This Cedric Benson boating brouhaha keeps getting better & better.

• It’s no surprise that Danica Patrick would have men falling at her feet - but under her tires?

• Shaquille O’Neal is caught talking out of his ass again.

• Don’t tell anyone, but Ray Allen’s mom & step-dad are in the witness protection program.

• What’s in your wallet? One Florida Gator had a dead woman’s credit card in his.

• Tony Dungy takes time during a Tampa school visit to talk smack about the Pats.

Read more…

Keith Olbermann goes Girls-Gone-Wild as he uncovers the new Yankee Stadium with his handy handheld video camera.

Referring to his journey through wet concrete as a “*double-secret* tour“, he records the first public video of the David Ortiz jersey hole, among some of the other previously unknown features of the billion-dollar-plus ballpark. Read more…

DAN PATRICK SHOW DULLED DOWN AS HOST GOES SOLO: We know it’s only the first day of Dan Patrick’s *new* radio show, so we’d like to think the development of the show is still in progress. But, after listening to it this morning on KLAC-AM in Los Angeles, this version of the DP show reminds us a lot of right after Rob Dibble was dumped from his initial ESPN production - which isn’t a good sign.

Patrick didn’t take on a co-host after the goofy former fireballer was jettisoned, and the show soon sounded like a funeral procession. Humorless and worse yet, featuring no unique insight into the sports we all already follow.

After about a month of that, program directors at Patrick’s ESPN radio affiliates at the time staged a revolt, demanding that they be allowed to drop the show if no changes were made to the NPR-esque format. Bristol executives responded by bringing in Keith Olbermann to save the show (along with major outdoor ad campaigns in large markets).

Now Patrick is back out on his own, and the show has once again uncovered his true personality: A self-important dullard. This morning the show moved at the same pace as a Herman Edwards’ sideline (brain) synapse. We hate the fake morning show cackling as much as you do. But in the two hours we listened, we laughed exactly zero times.

The top personality on KLAC, afternoon host Petros Papadakis, made an appearance on Patrick’s show this morning to discuss USC football. Papadakis is a hilarious personality who has taken the L.A. market and college football media world by storm.

You would think Patrick would embrace the highest-ranking host on what will surely be his top affiliate in the future. But shockingly, DP brought on the former USC football captain for only a few seconds to analyze USC football, and then brushed him off like he was a phone monkey calling in a high school volleyball score.

Patrick is broadcasting his show from KLAC in Los Angeles this week (he’ll eventually do the show from his Bristol bunker). He was able to land that initial outlet only because the station’s previous morning show co-host, T.J. Simers, decided recently that he couldn’t continue and was going to walk away at the end of the year (and no obvious replacement had been made apparent).

We’re not completely condemning Patrick’s latest foray into hosting a sports radio show, but it’s painfully obvious that he doesn’t have the charisma and/or personality to carry his own production without a talented on-air ensemble around him. If changes aren’t made to slick things up, the show has no chance to be high-profile.

JOHN STERLING IS NOW OFFICIALLY ON SUICIDE WATCH: SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY has an exclusive one-on-one with Keith Olbermann today (if you haven’t subscribed to SBD, you really should consider).

New York Yankees fans, depending on their political bent, might be heartened to know that the one job Olbermann covets above all is currently held by John Sterling - New York Yankees radio voice.

Olbermann: “I’ve always wanted to be play-by-play voice for the New York Yankees. That was my original intent in this business. If that opportunity ever arose down the road — I don’t expect it to — but I always thought that at some point I might just toss all this stuff out the window and say, ‘You know, I’m going to go do the Durham Bulls games or something for a season on radio.’”

We can already envision Olbermann’s first pregame feature:

• ALLIGATOR ARMY isn’t colorblind to this declaration from Florida frosh QB Chris Rainey: “I’m a white girl man“:

• SONS OF SAM MALONE refuses to drop the soap, as they offer up some sports stars who wouldn’t survive the slammer.

• YOU BEEN BLINDED needs their reading glasses, as the Goldmans and Browns will chat with Oprah about O.J.’s book.

• The HATTIESBURG (MS) AMERICAN is surprised by the god-like admiration Packer Backers hath bestowed on Brett Favre:

• AOL FANHOUSE finds this hurdler having a nice trip, but they hope to see him next Fall.

• As Carlos Pena looks like a lock for MLB’s Comeback Player of the Year award, THE ANGRY T shows the door to their Don’t Comeback Players of the Year.

• On his serious return to sports for NBC’s “Sunday Night Football”, AWFUL ANNOUNCING misses the fun-lovin’, happy-go-lucky Keith Olbermann:

• JACK’S SPORTS HUMOR thinks it’s no small thing that the Little League World Series champs get to face the Dodgers.

• The JIM ROME SHOW gets all teary-eyed, as the guitarist for punk bands Bad Religion & The Circle Jerks admits he cried when the Ducks won the Stanley Cup.

• WHAT? WHAT? FAN NATION covers their ears, as sound levels at NASCAR races are dangerously high:

• Scott Wolf of INSIDE USC notes that this Saturday’s opponent Idaho gave the Trojans their first-ever win at the Rose Bowl.

• Despite missing cut after cut, someone still feels bad for poor Michelle Wie.