This Cedric Benson boating brouhaha keeps getting better & better.

• It’s no surprise that Danica Patrick would have men falling at her feet - but under her tires?

• Shaquille O’Neal is caught talking out of his ass again.

• Don’t tell anyone, but Ray Allen’s mom & step-dad are in the witness protection program.

• What’s in your wallet? One Florida Gator had a dead woman’s credit card in his.

• Tony Dungy takes time during a Tampa school visit to talk smack about the Pats.

Read more…

Keith Olbermann goes Girls-Gone-Wild as he uncovers the new Yankee Stadium with his handy handheld video camera.

Referring to his journey through wet concrete as a “*double-secret* tour“, he records the first public video of the David Ortiz jersey hole, among some of the other previously unknown features of the billion-dollar-plus ballpark. Read more…

DAN PATRICK SHOW DULLED DOWN AS HOST GOES SOLO: We know it’s only the first day of Dan Patrick’s *new* radio show, so we’d like to think the development of the show is still in progress. But, after listening to it this morning on KLAC-AM in Los Angeles, this version of the DP show reminds us a lot of right after Rob Dibble was dumped from his initial ESPN production - which isn’t a good sign.

Patrick didn’t take on a co-host after the goofy former fireballer was jettisoned, and the show soon sounded like a funeral procession. Humorless and worse yet, featuring no unique insight into the sports we all already follow.

After about a month of that, program directors at Patrick’s ESPN radio affiliates at the time staged a revolt, demanding that they be allowed to drop the show if no changes were made to the NPR-esque format. Bristol executives responded by bringing in Keith Olbermann to save the show (along with major outdoor ad campaigns in large markets).

Now Patrick is back out on his own, and the show has once again uncovered his true personality: A self-important dullard. This morning the show moved at the same pace as a Herman Edwards’ sideline (brain) synapse. We hate the fake morning show cackling as much as you do. But in the two hours we listened, we laughed exactly zero times.

The top personality on KLAC, afternoon host Petros Papadakis, made an appearance on Patrick’s show this morning to discuss USC football. Papadakis is a hilarious personality who has taken the L.A. market and college football media world by storm.

You would think Patrick would embrace the highest-ranking host on what will surely be his top affiliate in the future. But shockingly, DP brought on the former USC football captain for only a few seconds to analyze USC football, and then brushed him off like he was a phone monkey calling in a high school volleyball score.

Patrick is broadcasting his show from KLAC in Los Angeles this week (he’ll eventually do the show from his Bristol bunker). He was able to land that initial outlet only because the station’s previous morning show co-host, T.J. Simers, decided recently that he couldn’t continue and was going to walk away at the end of the year (and no obvious replacement had been made apparent).

We’re not completely condemning Patrick’s latest foray into hosting a sports radio show, but it’s painfully obvious that he doesn’t have the charisma and/or personality to carry his own production without a talented on-air ensemble around him. If changes aren’t made to slick things up, the show has no chance to be high-profile.

JOHN STERLING IS NOW OFFICIALLY ON SUICIDE WATCH: SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY has an exclusive one-on-one with Keith Olbermann today (if you haven’t subscribed to SBD, you really should consider).

New York Yankees fans, depending on their political bent, might be heartened to know that the one job Olbermann covets above all is currently held by John Sterling - New York Yankees radio voice.

Olbermann: “I’ve always wanted to be play-by-play voice for the New York Yankees. That was my original intent in this business. If that opportunity ever arose down the road — I don’t expect it to — but I always thought that at some point I might just toss all this stuff out the window and say, ‘You know, I’m going to go do the Durham Bulls games or something for a season on radio.’”

We can already envision Olbermann’s first pregame feature:

• ALLIGATOR ARMY isn’t colorblind to this declaration from Florida frosh QB Chris Rainey: “I’m a white girl man“:

• SONS OF SAM MALONE refuses to drop the soap, as they offer up some sports stars who wouldn’t survive the slammer.

• YOU BEEN BLINDED needs their reading glasses, as the Goldmans and Browns will chat with Oprah about O.J.’s book.

• The HATTIESBURG (MS) AMERICAN is surprised by the god-like admiration Packer Backers hath bestowed on Brett Favre:

• AOL FANHOUSE finds this hurdler having a nice trip, but they hope to see him next Fall.

• As Carlos Pena looks like a lock for MLB’s Comeback Player of the Year award, THE ANGRY T shows the door to their Don’t Comeback Players of the Year.

• On his serious return to sports for NBC’s “Sunday Night Football”, AWFUL ANNOUNCING misses the fun-lovin’, happy-go-lucky Keith Olbermann:

• JACK’S SPORTS HUMOR thinks it’s no small thing that the Little League World Series champs get to face the Dodgers.

• The JIM ROME SHOW gets all teary-eyed, as the guitarist for punk bands Bad Religion & The Circle Jerks admits he cried when the Ducks won the Stanley Cup.

• WHAT? WHAT? FAN NATION covers their ears, as sound levels at NASCAR races are dangerously high:

• Scott Wolf of INSIDE USC notes that this Saturday’s opponent Idaho gave the Trojans their first-ever win at the Rose Bowl.

• Despite missing cut after cut, someone still feels bad for poor Michelle Wie.

COVER-UP OF PAT TILLMAN DEATH KEEPS GETTING UGLIER: The ASSOCIATED PRESS reported the ugly news late last week that “U.S. Army medical examiners were suspicious about the close proximity of the three bullet holes in Pat Tillman’s forehead and tried without success to get authorities to investigate whether the former professional football player’s death amounted to a crime.”

In other words,