Lance Armstrong Riding For Glory Of Kazakhstan

Now that Lance Armstrong has returned to the Tour de France, it’s given us a reason to kinda-sorta pay attention to the world’s biggest bike ride again. Nothing against the Tour, but we hadn’t really noticed its existence the past few years without the combative Texan doing his best to stick it to the rest of the world. Amazingly (or not), he’s picking up right where he left off. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Lance Armstrong Borat - MS Paint Rules

(MS Paint - is there anything it can’t do?)

Many people remember his years of racing for the United States Postal Service team, a fitting match for a guy who seemed to embody American swagger abroad (for better or worse). Most people don’t realize it, but this year Armstrong is once again racing for the glory of a government-backed cycling team. Only this time, he’s racing for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan. Kaz-akh-stan! Kaz-akh-stan!

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English Soccer Fan Shot For Singing in Kyrgyzstan

With the NBA Finals kicking off and the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals continuing this evening, let’s take a minute and revisit some basic tenets of sportsmanship. Team and city rivalries can get pretty heated from time to time, and the last thing we want to have happen is for, say, a Penguins fan to get stabbed in the eye with an octopus or a Lakers fan to be smothered by… oh, I don’t know, Mickey Mouse or something else near and dear to the fine folks of Central Florida.

Borat

 (Pictured: Kazakh National Soccer Team)

While no one’s saying you actually have to be FRIENDS with the fans of your team’s hated rivals, a little decorum isn’t too much to ask, now is it? After all, this is America, not Kyrgyzstan (Gesundheit), where sports rivalries don’t just end up in heated words…they’ll get you shot. Yep, we’ve got another entry in the crazy soccer fan logbook!

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England Soccer Bans Fake Borat From Kazakhstan

When England played Kazakhstan in a World Cup qualifier last October, the police in London were so concerned about upsetting the sensitivities of the Kazakhstan players and fans that they enacted a ban on England fans dressing up like Borat, everyone’s favorite culturally clueless Kazakh reporter played by Sacha Baron Cohen. But despite the ban, England fans still tried to find a way to pack their neon green mankinis to support their side.

Borat bikini girls

(The resemblance is uncanny. It’s almost…wait, that is the real Borat.)

Now England is due for a return trip to Kazakhstan on Saturday, and the DAILY MAIL says those wacky Brits are up to their old tricks. The team has an official supporters band - sponsored by the dubiously-named Pukka Pies - and one the trumpet players apparently bears a striking resemblance to Borat. So the plan was for the band to take full advantage of this during photo shoots throughout the country, with the fake Borat and mankini in tow.

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Despite What You Heard, Sam Perkins Is Not Dead

Contrary to popular belief, Sam Perkins is very much alive. The reports of his demise? Greatly exaggerated indeed. What? You didn’t know? America thought the guy kicked the bucket for a few hours on Sunday.

Sam Perkins

850 THE BUZZ crashes the funeral and tells us that the translated report posted by a foreign news corporation (well, posted in another language obviously) was not exactly “correct”:

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