What’s tougher than Big 12 defenses? Well, a lot of things, judging by the stats compiled by a number of Big 12 South quarterbacks this season. Chief among them, however, is the prospect of facing air-tight child abuse charges, exactly the scenario that former Kansas State running back Leon Patton is staring right in the face after a Friday arraignment.

(Patton’s grip on his son was looser than his grip on the ball.)

According to the ASSOCIATED PRESS, Patton will face the charge in court on Jan. 26 after police determined that Patton “unlawfully and feloniously and intentionally shook,” a two-month old infant July 15 at his Manhattan, Kansas house. That infant just so happens to be his son.

Evidently Patton just never got the whole, “Don’t shake babies!” message, which is pretty inexcusable. It’s not exactly a hard message to get through one’s skull.

Read more…

Give it up for our northern friends, the Calgary Stampeders, for capturing the Canadian Football League’s Grey Cup with a 22-14 win over the Montreal Alouettes. The pride of Temple University, Henry Burris, was named the MVP by totaling over 400 yards from the QB position, while Sandro DeAngelis was named the top Canadian after kicking five field goals. Yes, Canadians get their own award, and yes, it’s probably also in French.

(A typical Calgarian)

So while the Canadian championship may be but a footnote in American sports blurbs, briefs, whirlwinds, and newspaper agate pages, the NFL teams could certainly learn from the Stamps to help further their franchises.

• Tennessee Titans — So you lost your first game? You got whacked by the New York Jets at home 34-13? No worries. The Stamps lost 37-16 at home to the Edmonton Eskimos back on September 1.
• Arizona Cardinals — Don’t worry about the loss to the 37-29 loss to the New York Giants. Like the Stampeders’ Burris, Kurt Warner also played in the NFL Europe for a year. And if that’s not enough solace, then I don’t know what to tell you.
• Bears, Broncos, Dolphins, Bills, Broncos, and whoever wins the Packers/Saints game tonight: You all have five losses. Aw, poor babies. Calgary’s regular season record? 13-5. (Oh, yeah, and the Giants lost six last year. But that doesn’t apply here.)
• Browns, Jaguars, Chargers, Eagles, and whoever loses the Packers/Saints game tonight — you all had high hopes this year, but it’s just not looking like it’ll happen this year. No sweat. Last year the Stampeders went 7-10-1.
• Detroit Lions — You guys, much like many of the players on the Stampeders, still have your health.

Know how your co-worker got an iPhone, so everyone else got one? In a trend of reverse cutting edge technology, college teams are now embracing old solutions to new problems having seen what’s going on in Penn State. Rather than get a trendy receivers coach to lead a big-time program, Kansas State will announce this morning that Bill Snyder, 69 years young, will return as the Wildcats’ head coach. Joe Paterno will now have someone to discuss what it was like to listen to Harry Truman’s speech.

Time once again for a lesson on non-tie NFL rules: A team is allowed to attempt a field goal without an oncoming rush if the team just made a fair catch off a punt. The Arizona Cardinals knew this, and with five ticks left in the first half of their game against the Giants in such a position, Neil Rackers attempted a 68-yard field goal, which would’ve been the longest kick in NFL history by five yards. Let’s take a look-see:

Hmm. Too bad that attempt didn’t make his famous “hit the post four times” commercial.

Yum. Can you fit in ten more Thanksgiving metaphors this week? How about links instead?

• It’s another NFL Network Thanksgiving miracle, thanks to Sen. Arlen Specter, apparently chairman on the Subcommittee to Fix Sports Things. The Philadelphia Eagles-Arizona Cardinals game will be shown on local Pennsylvania TV stations, although perhaps after Sunday’s loss, this is more of a curse than a blessing.
• THE DUGOUT isn’t a fan of Mike Mussina, but likes him enough to transplant him in an intergalactic war.
• Old hat: Japanese veteran baseball player. New fedora: Japanese phenom baseball player. Old hat again: the Red Sox sign him, NPB TRACKER reports (or translates SPONICHI ANNEX’s report, which is the same thing). Jinichi Tazawa will get $3 million over 3 years, but will have to develop his Japanese-taught mannerisms in an American-style pitching system. Baseball purists ought to keep an eye on this project.
• JOE POSNANSKI can’t seem to stop thinking about MVP arguments and how fun they are. Hey, they are fun!
• THE MIAMI HERALD wonders what Tony Sparano should do with Joey Porter after the Dolphins linebacker refused to leave the field after being yanked by his coach.
• More from the Fins/Pats game: Matt Light and Channing Crowder could be BFFs for the rest of us know, but at the worst possible time they got in kind of a fight. BALLHYPE has video proof.
• Contrary to previous optimism in which the Detroit Lions could win a game this year: the DETROIT NEWS’ John Niyo is reporting the Detroit Lions probably won’t win a game this year.
• Cliff Lee isn’t just the Cy Young winner, he also won “Cleveland’s Man Of The Year” as voted on by the local chapter of the BBWAA. Also some guy named Luis Isaac, who was with the Indians for over 40 years, won an award for getting fired and not being a bitch about it. The award, unfortunately, is not a new job.
• The TORONTO STAR’s Rosie DiManno isn’t at all fooled at the Maple Leafs honoring Wendel Clark in a ceremony last night, since the Leafs haven’t won the Stanley Cup in 41 years because Clark isn’t seven people.
• And finally, it’s time for your Iranian sports news update. The Grizzlies’ Hamed Haddadi will be sent down to the Dakota Wizards of the NBA D-League. Hey, it beats getting flipped off by your GM. Almost.

(Note: I left Florida out because if Alabama stays undefeated, they will have to beat the Gators in the SEC Championship, putting them at two losses.)

Oklahoma State played like the second-best team in the nation this afternoon. There was one tiny problem, however, with Oklahoma State’s virtuoso performance, and that is that they were facing the best team, Texas. The Cowboys’ feisty resistance kept them in the game all day long, and Texas was only able to escape, 28-24, after a last-second Hail Mary fell harmlessly to the turf, batted down at the 10-yard line. Sure, superman WR Dez Bryant had gotten past the Texas secondary, but that’s mainly because the secondary was playing the ball, which was nowhere near Bryant when it came back down to earth. It was a gritty, gutty fight on both sides, though, certainly a better fight than (ahem) Oklahoma put up, and only the most careless of pollsters will drop Oklahoma State more than a spot or two for this loss.

Elsewhere in college football this afternoon… Read more…

• Attention, ladies! (And Derek Jeter & Madonna!) The legal wrangling has been put to rest, and A-Rod is now a free man!

(“Toodle-oo, Toots!”)

• The NBA fines Michael Beasley $50,000 for his role in the Mario Chalmers -Darrell Arthur marijuana mess. Boy, he must feel like some a dope.

• A large 800-pound animal was seen roaming the streets of New York City, and that’s no bull. (Well, actually it is.)

• We flush out video of George Brett sharing some bowel problem stories with spring trainees.

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In terms of people I wouldn’t mind seeing be forced to eat a slice of Broken Glass cake and wash it down with a big, ice cold glass of battery acid, child abusers are right at the top. Especially now that I have a daughter. So it’s with seething eyes that I read on RIVALS.COM that Kansas State running back Leon Patton was arrested on Thursday and charged with child abuse, with the alleged victim being his four-month-old son.

Wildcats head coach Ron Prince has already reacted swiftly, kicking Patton off of the team. According to KAKE-TV in Wichita, Patton has already been indefinitely suspended from the team after pleading no contest in July to charges relating to the theft of two video games from a Wal-Mart and unpaid tickets. Based on the nature of the charges now against him, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that the games weren’t kid’s games like Pokemon.

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Agent Zero is once again aborting his mission of playing a full NBA season healthy, as Gilbert Arenas underwent knee surgery on Wednesday.

(Gilbert passes out from the pain?)

The Wizards star says the doctoral slicing & dicing will cause him to miss training camp, the preseason and the first part of the regular season - meaning he won’t be on court until at least December. This will be surgery #3 for Gilbert’s left knee, but you know what they say - the third time’s the charm. If anything, the recovery process should give him plenty of time to stay more current on his blog.

(The Red Sox’s rotten play on Wednesday pains Mike Lowell [L])

Mike Lowell sat out Wednesday night’s Red Sox-Rays contest due to a sore hip - or maybe he was just hip to what awaited the Beantown ballers, as Tampa Bay trounced Boston 10-3, taking a 2-game lead in the AL East. Meanwhile, the Diamondbacks slithered up to 3 1/2 games back of the Dodgers in the NL West, as Arizona got the better of the Giants, while L.A. was pummeled by the Pirates.

The rest of the MLB playoff picture made little change from yesterday - the Mets, Phillies & Brewers all won to keep the NL East & NL wild card chases the same status quo, while the White Sox & Twins both tumbled to keep the AL Central centered on a 2 1/2 game separation.

It seemed strange that Louisville & Kansas State faced off on ESPN on a Wednesday night. Rather than the usual Thursday night college football coverage, the Cardinals & Wildcats clawed it out in a TV slot usually reserved for a matchup between MAC schools (Ball State-Eastern Michigan, anyone?). So, why the weird Wednesday scheduling?

All was explained when Mike Tirico paid a mid-game visit to the broadcast booth at Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium -  the move was made to help the Worldwide Leader further promote their Ryder Cup coverage. ESPN is set to televise Thursday’s Opening Ceremonies and will continue Cup coverage through the weekend. And where’s this year’s Ryder tourney? The Valhalla Golf Club, right in Louisville, Kentucky. Now that’s what I call corporate synergy!

Oh, and the Cards KO’ed K-State 38-29. Schools from the Sunflower State probably should stop scheduling Big East opponents and stick with Sam Houston State.

And now on to more pressing matters:

• The RIVERSIDE (CA) PRESS-ENTERPRISE tees up news that Michelle Wie is doing quite well at Q-School, as the teen swinger is currently holding second place in the LPGA qualifying tournament.

• MLB.COM learns that Manny Ramirez won’t let Joe Torre give him the day off, as the Dodgers outfielder dutifully declares, “I’m Cal Ripken!”

• NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO hears that Roger Goodell is worried the NFL won’t make hundreds of billions of dollars this year, but only tens of billions.

• Kansas Jayhawks QB Todd Reesing needs a better press agent, as even reporters from the LAWRENCE WORLD-JOURNAL don’t recognize the local star signal-caller.

• BUGS & CRANKS gets a sneak peek at the 2009 MLB schedule. The Yankees & Mets will be opening their brand-new ballparks against their storied foes - the Indians & Padres?!?!

• WISN-TV motors up news that Wisconsin Badgers LB Jonathan Casillas is facing charges of drunk driving - while riding a moped.

• Jake Miller of the DAILY PRINCETONIAN tells all about his summer internship at ESPN. And his greatest moment in Bristol?  Holding the door for Erin Andrews.

• The ARIZONA REPUBLIC lays down the law, as the small town of Guadalupe may soon be without a police force. Where’s Clint Eastwood when you need him?

• The MIAMI HERALD splashes up the story of one local high schooler who swam for Suriname in the Beijing Olympics.

• The ASSOCIATED PRESS passes along the revelation that when Tony Romo plays at Green Bay this weekend, the Wisconsin-bred QB will be stepping onto the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field for only the third time in his life.

In honor of Jeff Pearlman’s new book on those crazy Dallas Cowboys, we present our pertinent poll of the day:

• DEADSPIN happily informs us that the “Boom Goes The Dynamite” guy has found himself a real life sports reporting job.

• WITH LEATHER will happily rain on the Olympic beach volleyball parade.

• BLOG OF HILARITY finds USC WR Vidal Hazelton going the Vince Young/Jeff Reed route in having some shirtless fun with his buddies.

• MR. IRRELEVANT finds a classic Redskins hog hat that’s the tops.

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MONEY PLAYERS bounces along news from ESPN’s Andy Katz about Dalonte Hill’s new colossal contract. The Kansas State assistant basketball coach was instrumental in bringing Michael Beasley into the Wildcats’ program.

So, what was Hill’s reward for getting Michael to Manhattan? A hefty new 5-year contract - weighing about $420,000 a season. Read more…

In the biggest shocker to hit college basketball since O.J. Mayo said toodle-oo to the Trojans, Michael Beasley has declared for the NBA Draft.

The Kansas State freshman phenom will forgo his final three years in Manhattan, and likely land a fat contract as the #1 pick in the June draft.

Although the announcement was inevitable, it wasn’t any easier for Wildcats coach Frank Martin to take.

Read more…

Michael Beasley likes to reach out and touch someone, as the Kansas State basketball stud tends to carry around up to four cell phones at a time.

The WASHINGTON TIMES dials up what happened when Beasley was getting ready for a recent interview via satellite with Fox Sports’ “Best Damn Sports Show Period”: Read more…