For some reason, people love to perpetuate the myth of the idyllic small town. Usually, such myths are used as a comparison to the evil, hedonistic, crime-ridden big cities. In small towns, so the myths go, neighbors cheerfully help one another, work hard, do their shopping on Main Street, and everyone lives a simpler, happier, more moral existence than, say, effete East Coast intellectuals.
(These shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Beloit’s shenanigans are cruel and tragic.)
The truth is that the myth of the idyllic American small town is by and large dead. Wal-Marts have rendered Main Street storefronts all but abandoned, family farms have long gone bankrupt or been rendered useless by multinational corporations, drugs and crime are sky-high, and people are hostile, distrustful, and bitter. But one thing still stands to tie towns like Beloit, Kansas, together - high school football.
Welcome to the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship Game, otherwise known as The Last Chance to Make Back the Money You Lost on Your Brackets. Brooks has descended on San Antonio for the pinnacle of amateur sports, the podium for the purity of the human spirit, the reward for young men’s desire to succeed for the pride of their scho…
The Larry Brown Invitational continues with Kansas against North Carolina. Both Bill Self and Roy Williams have ordered their players to have fun tonight in a vain attempt to get them to relax. Tyler Hansbrough’s anus probably hasn’t unclenched since the third grade. No wonder he always looks like he will explode.
Hey, that’s an auspicious start if I ever saw one.
Again, Brooks is at the contest and will send reports as long as his phone survives. Unlike the other Alamo denizens, he’ll keep his powder dry and save his ammo until he’s needed. (Also, he looks great in a coonskin cap.) Read more…
Here is an exclusive sneak peek at the entirety of Bill Self’s pre-game speech to his Kansas Jayhawks before Sunday’s game against plucky Davidson in the Elite Eight:
“This guy! Him! Cover him. See how there’s no one else in frame on this picture? Bad! Cover him. Cover. Him. Don’t be fooled by ball fakes or cuts or even if your man has the ball. Everyone just surround this guy. This one! Here! It doesn’t matter if he changes his jersey number or puts on a fake mustache. Him! Do not leave him alone. Are we clear? Alright. Rock chalk COVER HIM.”
Unfortunately, Bo Self spaced on this part in his pre-game pep talk, allowing Wisconsin’s celebrated Pit of Despair Defense to be thwarted by the chocolate-covered miracle pill known as Stephen Curry in a 73-56 Davidson beatdown. Curry continued to stun opponents with 33 points in this contest. (By way of reference, Wisconsin held Michigan to 34 points on March 14th.)
KANSAS FOOTBALL ROLLS ON, AS MIAMI TEAMS FALL FLAT: Football fortunes keep shining in the Sunflower State:
Mark Mangino feasted on yet another opponent, as Kansas devoured Oklahoma State on Saturday, 43-28. The 10-0 Jayhawks are now the only undefeated BCS team left, and the real Mangenius has a realistic shot at the national championship.And it’s not just in the collegiate ranks that Kansas football is stepping up. Smith Center High School continues to destroy anyone who gets in their way.
The latest victim was Oakley, who had the nerve to make the Redmen punt - for the first time all season. But Smith Center had the last maniacal laugh, as they trounced their playoff foe, 56-0.
The shutout also keeps Smith Center’s surreal season scoring record at 760-0, as they march toward a fourth straight state title. Next week’s opponent, St. Francis, actually managed to score against the Redmen last year - by notching 2 whole points!While football in Kansas looks bright, dark clouds continue to hover over south Florida.
The Miami Hurricanes ended their 70-year stay at the Orange Bowl with a 48-0 shellacking against Virginia, their worst home loss since World War II:
Meanwhile, the other Division 1-A team in town, Florida International, is still looking for their first win of the season. The Golden Panthers will be playing in the O.B. for their last three home contests.But it’s a safe bet the old stadium might never see another home-team victory, as FIU is currently stuck in a 21-game losing streak.
As far as the pro game, the Dolphins are now the only winless franchise in the NFL. Cam Cameron’s club keeps the goose egg with a 13-10 loss to Buffalo, while the St. Louis Rams shed their sorrows with a win over New Orleans.Sad times in South Beach, indeed. But we can’t end a Miami football retrospective without naming our favorite Orange Bowl memory.