Keep Bonds' Balls Out Of Court; A-Rod Cuz Found

• Lawyers ask not to bring up Barry Bonds’ testicles during testimony.

Barry Bonds smile thumbs up

A-Rod’s needle-happy unnamed cousin has finally been found.

Verne Gagne may have beaten his nursing home roommate to death.

• Penn State & Illinois were very offensive with their offense last night.

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SbB Caption Contest: Gary’s Golf Game Roo-ined

Hey there, readers! Keep your heads up, because it’s time for another wild & exotic edition of the ever-engrossing SbB Clever Caption Contest!

Today we check in on the Johnnie Walker Classic going down Down Under, as golfer Gary Lockerbie greets a couple of kangaroos on the green:

Gary Lockerbie kangaroos

Ok, so it’s not that hilarious of a description. Maybe you can do better! Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced in an Aussie accent in the end-of-the-day recap, with the first shrimp on the barbie on me!

So, good luck & good writing - and g’day, mate!

Blog-O-Rama: Steve Nash Shows Chipped Tooth

• JEN’S FREE THROWS gets to the tooth of the matter, by displaying Steve Nash’s dental damage:

• CONSTRUDA dresses up news that NBA journeyman Scot Pollard sucks at socks.

• Speaking of Scots, SPORTS COLUMN gives a heads up of Carolina Hurricanes winger Scott Walker throttlin’ with his noggin.

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS leaps at the news of a kangaroo getting its jollies on the golf course (possibly NSFW):

• 100% INJURY RATE gets drawn in with a new comic…er, graphic novel starring Bills RB Marshawn Lynch.

• RIVALFISH thanks Jesus for the return of the Bears’ neckbearded savior, Kyle Orton.

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY finds a novel way for QBs to follow receivers’ routes - by using house-arrest ankle bracelets:

House Arrest Ankle Bracelet football

• SI’s Arash Markazi steps to the beat that His Airness likes to boogie to The Jackson 5.

• GOING FIVE HOLE crunches the numbers, as they tune into the new NHL Stats Channel.

Roos Shoos Back In The Noos With Sneaker Relaunch In America

SPREAD THE NOOS, PAYTON’S FAVORITE SHOOS ARE BACK!: The BOSTON HERALD reports that the old sneaker band Roos is making a comeback in the U.S. retail market. A Massachusetts-based company has “secured a license from U.K.-based Pentland Group to sell KangaRoos athletic shoes in the U.S. beginning this month, and the company plans to ‘expand into KangaRoos clothing and accessories.’

KangaRoos shoes

Our one memory of the ’80s version of the shoe was the late, great Walter Payton’s association with the brand.

Walter Payton Roos

We think Sweetness was the only major endorser of the eclectic kicks (”check out our pockets!“), which certainly earns him a place in the pantheon of footwear endorsement greats, like Derrick Coleman (British Knights), Karl Malone (L.A. Gear), and O.J. Simpson (Dingo Boots):

OJ Dingo Boots Karl Malone

Sadly, Roos shoes went extinct faster than the Bears’ playoff chances following the glory of Payton’s mid-’80s Bears teams. But here’s hoping the noo shoos will once again finally catch the nation’s fancy thanks to rapidly multiplying retail outlets.

Kangaroos Mating