Annotated Photo Of The Day: John Elway, 1983

John Elway Annotated

(Larger version)

1) Two things I know: Ladies love the long hair. Smurfs.
2) Souvenir from under the Granada Hills Stadium bleachers.
3) Last time I invite that damn tuba player over.
4) Contains field soil from biggest road win: San Jose State. (Or was it Cal-Davis?)
5) Shipping number sez Centaur should’ve been here last Tuesday.

Elway Crosses Enemy Lines For Cheerleader Wife

Okay, it’s come to this. Football season is so close, so close. We’re willing to discuss anything and everything about it in the meantime, even if it’s guys who haven’t played in about a decade.

John Elway Paige Green

In this case, we’re talking about John Elway - and don’t worry, this has nothing to do with his Nude Vodka. No, according to the DENVER POST, he got married yesterday, and it’s to someone of an unusual background: a former Raider Girl.

Read more…

Kyle Orton Makes Jay Cutler Look Like John Elway

Hey, Broncos fans. Remember back when Jay Cutler was an unhappy Bronco, trying to force a trade out of town? Remember that, and how most fans and media in the Denver area acted like a bunch of jilted high school boyfriends when he asked for a trade? Oh, yes, Denver fans. You claimed you never liked the guy anyway, and he was a big baby jerkface, and you’d be better off without such a non-team player. Yeah, those days were fun, right? Right up to the point when you wound up with Kyle Orton. Oops.

Kyle Orton Broncos

Fast forward a few months. Cutler is turning heads all around Chicago with his brash style, confident demeanor, and football abilities. He’s the talk of the town today after blowing the Giants out of the water in yesterday’s preseason game, and has Bears fans excited about contending for a division championship and maybe even more. Denver, meanwhile, is being treated to…well, Kyle Orton, who does Kyle Orton things in his own Kyle Orton way.

(Warning: Video after the jump is not for the weak of stomach - for Broncos fans, anyway.)

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Enjoy A Mouthful Of John Elway’s Nude Cocktail

Alcohol marketing and sex have been, um, bedfellows for decades. It makes sense, seeing as how alcohol has spurred at least 88% of the nation’s pregnancies, according to figures we just made up. But generally, the marketing is geared toward men, since men are visual creatures. Ones who like boobies, usually.

Nude Vodka
(This vodka may taste like unleaded gasoline, but if you’re looking at the bottle, you probably won’t notice or care.)

So it makes sense, then, that one alcohol company - the particularly unsubtle “Nude Spirits,” as you can probably tell, has hired an athlete to help push their product into you. Not sexually, just by way of ingestion. Pervert. So who’s going to be ramming the cocktail down your throat until your gag reflex gives out? John Elway, ladies and gentlemen!

Wait, what? Read more…

New Missouri Hockey Logo Looks Kind of Familiar

Nothing will raise the ire of a Kansas City sports fan more than the image of the gentlemen to our lower right; that logo, that face, that uniform … it’s the Rorschach Test of the Damned for any Missourian. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that John Elway engineered more comeback victories against the Kansas City Chiefs than he did against any other team. And that’s saying something.

Missouri Mavericks, John Elway

So that’s why Missouri sports fans were taken aback recently when the new Central Hockey League franchise based in Independence, the Missouri Mavericks, unveiled their new logo and colors recently. Being that Independence is only about 10 miles from KC, this decision has the potential to be infected with all sorts of fail. Read more…

Elway’s Son Avoids Getting Marinoviched, Quits

Overbearing sports fathers are, quite obviously, nothing new. You see them ruining Little League baseball games and Pop Warner football games, to say nothing of the yelling that seems just a touch out of place at an 8-and-under soccer game.

John Elway Football
(Looks like there won’t be a sequel to this game.)

Fortunately, it looks like John Elway isn’t making the same mistake Marv Marinovich did (or is at least pulling the plug on the mistake a lot sooner), encouraging his son Jack Elway to walk away from the Arizona State football team after Jack, a redshirt freshman quarterback, indicated a lack of desire to keep playing.

Read more…

Arena Football League Suspending 2009 Season?

A lot of silly professional sports leagues have come and gone over the past 25 years, which makes it all the more impressive that the Arena Football League has been operating pretty much uninterrupted since 1987 and even rising to the point of having a national network TV deal (even if the deal wasn’t very lucrative).

Arena League cheerleaders

(This might be the last you see of the AFL Championship trophy)

Famous owners jumped on board, like Bon Jovi and John Elway, and old-school franchises in places like Albany and Des Moines were phased out to expand to bigger markets and become more of a “major” sport. But it looks like it’s all coming to an end, as the AFL is close to becoming the first pro league to fall victim to the current economic crisis, if a couple of reports are to be believed. The league, however, isn’t conceding anything.

Read more…

Blog Jam: Jay Cutler Might Want To Not Go There

Jay Cutler’s awfully cocky for a Vandy grad. Here (among other things) is what he has to say to THE SPORTING NEWS: “I have a stronger arm than John Elway, hands down…on game days, there’s nobody in the league who’s going to throw it harder than I am at all.” Now, that may be true, but why compare yourself to Elway in Denver? You’ve never won a playoff game.

Jay Cutler

(”I’ve got better hair than Elway too”)

• HOLLYSCOOP tells us that Hilary Duff has denied being engaged to Mike Comrie, but they are still together. No word on whether or not Tie Domi is engaged to Tiffany.

• Dude, what is it with hockey players? Though they offer no confirmation, the TORONTO SUN believes that Leafs goalie Curtis Joseph is dating Shania Twain.

• DEADSPIN gives us a glimpse at what Dusty Baker’s career will look like in two years after he’s finished running the Reds further into the ground.

• An Oregon football fan was punched so hard during the Ducks’ game against UCLA on Saturday night that he was propelled over a railing and down onto the field. The game was stopped while he was removed on a stretcher. KEZI has the sketchy details.

Read more…

Is Anyone Out There Not Named Paige Green?

We now know there are at least three different Paige Greens floating around on the internet. One is the former Raiders cheerleader who will soon marry John Elway.

Paige Green John Elway

Another Paige Green had a very public engagement pronouncement in the SEATTLE P-I two years ago, and now is married to a gentleman named Reagan Dunn.

And a third Paige Green is a B-Movie actress listed on IMDB.

We’re not the first to confuse the multiple Ms. Greens, but Friday we reported that the woman who was noted in the Seattle engagement announcement was the same person who is now engaged to John Elway. That isn’t the case, and all apologies to all parties.

Today’s water’s wet, sky’s blue story is brought to you by

Warren Sapp Dancing With The Stars Tantrum

Warren Sapp’s an a$$hole: “Our spies at “DWTS” tell TMZ Sapp’s big head and man-diva attitude are causing problems. We’re told he talks down to everybody (especially the guy dancers and production assistants), yells at people and consistently walks out of rehearsals with partner Kym Johnson.

Well at least he has his chronic halitosis to fall back on.

Remember those two goons from COI (that’s City of Industry to non-Angelenos) who are trying to lure the NFL to The Basin?

Not. Looking. Good. *shock* Read more…

Blog-O-Rama: Braun Makes Ads with Marisa Miller

• WITH LEATHER brews up photos of Milwaukee all-star Ryan Braun shooting an ad with the marvelous Marisa Miller.

Marisa Miller Ryan Braun commercial shoot

Lucky dog.

• THE FIGHTINS’ punch up video of the Phillies’ Jamie Moyer running over an ump who doesn’t make a goood speed bump.

• The ARIZONA REPUBLIC gets the gold for the goofiest Olympic blog headline so far: “Gay texts mom: Kobe asked about my leg

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY isn’t so sure about Georgia’s chances for a BCS title, especially with Russian tanks roaming the countrysude.

Read more…