Thou Shalt Not Use Tebow’s Name In Vain Promos

• What Would Tim Tebow Do? Apparently sue you for using him as the basis for a minor league promotional night.

Tim Tebow with hot girls

(Saint Tebow with a pair of heavenly disciples - and before you ask, no, neither of them is Lucy Pinder)

Michael Vick makes his Philadelphia Eagles debut. Let the circus begin!

• Pass the earplugs: John Daly is in Nashville working on a studio album.

• Did Jessica Simpson place a curse on Tony Romo for trying to mack on her girlfriends?

• The Houston Texans are taking a strong stand against excessive alcohol consumption - by serving their gameday beers in smaller cups.

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John Daly’s Newest Single (Not Wendy’s Drivethru)

John Daly's next album is GOING TO BE GREAT!

“this album is goin to be great!”

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John Daly Doesn’t Need Golf, He Needs To Rock

John Daly’s a weird cat. We probably didn’t need to tell you that, of course, but every now and then it bears repeating. He’s getting his weight down and that’s a good thing, but even if he’s jettisoning his vices, it’s unclear-at-best if he’s replacing them with normality.

John Daly and his guitar
(John Daly: he’s to the acoustic guitar what John Daly is to golf.)

Example, you ask? But of course: how about yesterday? Daly was hanging in there at the PGA Championship at +2 with two holes to play in the first round. He double bogeyed them both, left without speaking to the media, then witihdrew on account of an old back injury. We’ll take him at his word on this one, since one of the few vices he doesn’t have in his past is lying. That much isn’t that far out of the ordinary. Taking the opportunity to release a new song, however? That we didn’t see coming.

So let’s take a listen, shall we? Audio is after the break.

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John Daly Has Trouble Fitting into Tunnels, Pants

John Daly has size issues, it’s true.  Considering his chosen profession, it’s not the worst sin to commit (as he’s explored most of those as well), but it can be a hindrance from time to time. However, no one quite expected Daly’s desire to expand would affect him negatively quite like this:

John Daly is stuck

Daly couldn’t squeeze his RV into the twelve-feet tall Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, AL, last Monday without breakin’ a li’l somethin’ somethin’ off the top.  Parts of the RV rained down on opposing traffic, smashing a 1998 Cadillac DeVille’s windshield, roof, and trunk. Apparently, the “grip it and rip it” philosophy does not work for tunnels and recreational vehicles.

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PGA To Overturn Ban On Booze Sponsorships?

Yes, we say it often, but times is tough, especially in a world on a bubble (like, say, the sports world). The golf world doesn’t appear to be in deep trouble, especially not with money-printing machine Tiger Woods commanding everybody’s attention, but now’s definitely not the time to be picky about sponsors. Even if they happen to be SWEET MAMA ALCOHOL.

John Daly Booze Trophy
(This is TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED AT ALL.)

The SPORTS BUSINESS JOURNAL is reporting that hard alcohol sponsorships are being looked at by the PGA to increase revenue over the coming years. They can sponsor things like VIP areas at events, but not, say, tournament titles. And yes, somewhere, John Daly’s ears just perked up. Read more…

Week In Review: Angels’ Adenhart Dies In Crash

• A very tough week for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Pitcher Nick Adenhart dies in a hit & run car accident caused by a drunk driver, just days after a fan dies from a post-game fight in an Angel Stadium stairwell.

Nick Adenhart Brian Powers

(Left - Nick Adenhart; Right - Fight victim Brian Powers)

Cheryl Miller wasn’t pleased that Scot Pollard was late for their NBA TV show, and she wasn’t afraid to use the airtime to air her grievances.

• ESPN reporter Shelley Smith takes a misstep at a Detroit bar during the Final Four.

• Fans fighting while their team’s championship banner is being raised, and booing while World Series rings are given out? Must be Philadelphia.

• A former Gonzaga women’s basketball star-turned-high school softball coach gets zagged for having sex with one of her 16-year-old players.

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John Daly Makes It To The Masters - Selling Stuff

Despite all his past problems - such as spending a night in jail after passing out at a Hooters when his traveling companions ditched him - it’s good to see John Daly make it to this year’s Masters.

John Daly merchandise RV

And it would be even better if he were actually playing. John is in Augusta, all right - but instead of hitting the links, he’s hawking hats & shirts.

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New Study Shows Golfing Will Make You Go Deaf

Since the dawn of time — or sometime in the 12th century — man has played the game of golf to get away from the real world for a while.   As with everything over a long period of time, things have changed during the game.  The first folks to play the sport hit stones into rabbit holes, and over time, the game evolved into what we see today.   Of course, the game continues to evolve today, specifically when it comes to the equipment used.  But much like computer technology that will someday rise up against its human creator and take over the world — at least, this is what Hollywood has told me will happen a hundred times over — it turns out that modern golf equipment is dangerous for those who use it.

Titanium drivers: The not-so-silent killer

You know the ping you hear everytime a golfer strikes a ball off the tee or the fairway?  That sound is often a pretty good indicator of how well the ball was hit, but scientist fear that the sound made by newer titanium clubs could have a pretty bad effect on golfers.   The sound made by the new clubs is so loud, in fact, that some scientists fear it could cause golfers to go deaf.

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Speed Read: Carmelo Drops 33 In Third Quarter

To say that Carmelo Anthony was merely “feeling it” during the third quarter last night is a pretty big understatement. While any accomplishment achieved against the dreadful T-Wolves comes with an asterisk, ‘Melo was in the zone of zones when he dropped 33 on Minnesota in the third frame, leading the Nuggets back from a 12-point halftime deficit. Anthony tied George Gervin’s NBA record for points in a quarter. Not even Wilt (or Kobe) ever put up 33 in a single quarter. The Nuggets took sole possession of first place in the Northwest Division with a 116-105 victory, and Carmelo ended up with 45 points overall.

Carmelo Anthony

The Heisman finalists were announced yesterday. Colt McCoy? Yup. Sam Bradford? Check. Tim Tebow? Of course. Graham Harrell? Not so much. Mike Leach isn’t particularly happy about this. Perhaps voters had visions of Kliff Kingsbury and B.J. Symons dancing through their head.

Graham Harrell Santa

(Perhaps Heisman voters saw this alleged pic of Harrell [top left] and couldn’t bring themselves to vote for him)

There were a pair of big trades that went down last night. In baseball, the Mets acquired J.J. Putz from the Mariners to be their new set-up man for K-Rod. The Mets finally rid themselves of Aaron Heilman, who joins Endy Chavez and four others who are going to Seattle. The Mariners also sent Sean Green and Jeremy Reed to New York. The Indians were also involved in the trade, with minor pieces moving to and from Cleveland as well.

In the NBA, the Suns shipped Boris Diaw and Raja Bell to Charlotte for Jason Richardson. Richardson is a big-time scorer who should be pleased to be getting out of Charlotte, though this article makes it sounds as if he’s upset by the trade. The Suns played short-handed last night against the Lakers, and nearly pulled out a win, going down 115-110.

I may be getting ahead of myself here, but don’t be surprised in March if Gonzaga is one of the #1 seeds in the NCAA Tournament. Mark Few called off the dogs last night when the Zags took a 32-point lead against Washington State or the 74-52 win could’ve been worse. They’ve already beaten down Tennessee, Maryland, and Oklahoma State. In the coming weeks they have games against Arizona, UCONN, and Tennessee (again), and if they negotiate that stretch they probably won’t lose a regular-season game. Of course, now I’ve just guaranteed they’re losing to Texas Southern.

The Arena Football Season is supposedly back on again. We reported yesterday that the league was close to shutting it down for 2009, and multiple league owners went on the record as saying the shutdown was a near certainity. The NEW YORK TIMES’ Mark Viera says that the league’s board of directors decided against suspending the season in a conference call last night, but there’s still a cloud of uncertainty.

Arena Football empty arena

(Tens of people are really upset about all of this)

Says Cleveland Gladiators owner James Ferraro:

“We don’t really know what’s going on, whether we’re playing the season or not playing the season,” Ferraro had said earlier. “We’re going to work on the economic model either way. I don’t know where it’s going to go either.”

Ferraro, who said the league did not make money, had also said, “I think there’s a pretty clear majority that think we should take the season off in this economic environment we’re in.”

So, the majority of owners think they should shut it down, but the season is still “on.” Not sure I’m convinced.

In the meantime, let’s look at some links:

• Engineers in England are going to make an attempt at breaking the world water speed record on the same lake where British speed demon Donald Campbell died trying to do the same thing in 1967. One of them is going to try and drive this thing 317 miles per hour. What could go wrong?

super fast boat

 • The SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER’s Robert L. Jamieson, Jr. presents the ludicrous theory that universities might recruit athletes of questionable moral character just because they’re good at sports. Jamieson lives comfortably in the year 1981.

•  Mark Teixeira’s main suitors are the Nationals and the Orioles. Tex grew up in Baltimore, and now has the choice of which team he wants to spend the next 3 1/2 crappy years with before he gets traded to the Yankees. MLB.COM says the Nats have offered $160 million over 8 years.

• I’m sure that John Daly was just enforcing the “no pictures on the course” policy at the Australian Open when he took a spectator’s camera and bashed it into a tree, according to ESPN.

• The DALLAS MORNING NEWS’ Cowboys blog says Terrell Owens is mad at Emmitt Smith and Keyshawn Johnson for criticizing him on TV. T.O.’s response? A very timely “Dumb and Dumber” reference while wearing a Santa hat.

Brian Sabean had a bit of a meltdown in the presence of the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS’ Andrew Baggarly about the Giants’ apparently non-existent bid to land CC Sabathia.

• FIGHT ON STATE reports that Penn State quarterback Pat Devlin has left the team and will transfer, meaning that he won’t be available for the Rose Bowl. Devlin ultimately lost the QB job to Daryll Clark, but it was Devlin who engineered the game-winning drive against Ohio State.

Matt Cassel’s father has passed away in California. The BOSTON GLOBE says the Pats are unsure if Cassel will play this weekend.

• Another day, another congressman thinking that he can just legislate the BCS out of existence. The AP (via the HOUSTON CHRONICLE) reports that Rep. Joe Barton of Texas wants to make a college football championship game illegal unless it comes at the end of a playoff system.

• According to the NEW YORK TIMES, the Giants are not paying a $1 million portion of a signing bonus owed to Plaxico Burress. Something to do about some trouble he’s in. I’m not really sure what that’s all about.

Who’s your Heisman Trophy winner?

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SbB Clever Caption Contest: Daly Takes Leave(s)

Hey, all you stuffed SbBers! Hope you gobbled up enough turkey, pounded back enough potatoes & crammed down enough cranberry sauce to keep you full for at least until this afternoon.

As long as we’re celebrating Thanksgiving weekend, we give thanks for any opportunity to showcase a true SbB favorite, as today’s Clever Caption Contest features that garganto-sized golfer, the one & only John Daly.

John Daly underneath tree

Let us know what Johnny is up to underneath this tree by submitting your ideas to the comments section. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

So, start teeing off on those tidbits & slice up some suggestions!