Dontrelle Willis Put On DL With “Anxiety Disorder”

At first blush, it seemed like just another ho-hum injury update as spring training winds down: Tigers start season with Joel Zumaya and Dontrelle Willis on disabled list. But while Zumaya’s stint is brought on by a bad shoulder, Willis is on the shelf with an “anxiety disorder.”

Dontrelle Willis
(”I’ll tell you what’s crazy–that delivery!” /fakerickreilly’d)

Willis wants fans to know that he hasn’t gone completely crazy or anything like that. We believe him, though we’re not quite sure that his quotes on MLB.COM are going to be a springboard into speaking about psychiatry after his MLB career is over: Read more…

Cubs Catcher Called Up After Cutting Off Fingers

Carlos Zambrano missed his scheduled start on Sunday with what the Cubs are calling “a tired arm.” While I’m sure that Zambrano’s arm might be plenty sore, I think it’s fair to point out that in comparison to his teammate Koyie Hill, he seems like a huge wimp. As the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES reports, Hill was called up to the big league roster on Monday, less than a year after almost losing three fingers and his thumb on his right hand in a wood saw accident.

Saw II Poster

I believe we can all agree that Joel Zumaya and his “Guitar Hero” injury looks more and more like a giant sissy everyday after hearing stories like this.

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Zumaya Rehab Update: Keg Stand Skills Improving

As the Tigers limp along in their horrid start, Detroit pitcher Joel Zumaya sits on the shelf, as he recovers from offseason shoulder surgery. But one can only take shelf-sitting for so long. So, MAC G’s WORLD checks in to see how Zumaya’s rehab is going.

Joel Zumaya drinking from keg

Looks like Joel’s making progress. Good to know he’s still on fluids.

But wait, there’s more!

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Tigers’ Tata Starts Fight with Door, Loses Quickly

Recently, locker rooms across baseball and football have struggled with MRSA outbreaks similar to those in hospitals and elder care centers, requiring the affected areas to be sanitized multiple times to remove the Staphylococcus.

Jordan Tata

(Not pictured: the victim)

The Detroit Tigers should consider bringing in similar sanitation experts to work their magic on all rooms that their players use regularly both in Lakeland, FL, and Detroit. That might be the only way to eradicate whatever viral agent infects their relief pitchers and encourages ridiculously stupid and short-sighted decisions like trying to punch a door with the pitching hand.

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