Mets Don’t Like Dwight Writing on Their New Walls

• The Mets are mad at Dwight Gooden for holding an impromptu autograph session on their brand new Citi Field walls.

Dwight Gooden Mets

• Some pretty exciting playoff performances by the Bulls & Sixers so far. Too bad it’s all a formality until the Lakers-LeBron finals.

• It’s one thing for linemen to get the late-night munchies, but stealing $82 worth of hamburgers & Hot Pockets from other people’s fridges?

• Looks like the Cavs have found their new playoff anthem, thanks to Joe Smith … er, Joe Beast.

• Another great use for Twitter: Calling local sportswriters fat.

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Cavs’ Joe Smith Is A Beast When It Comes To Rap

In their quest for their first NBA title, the Cleveland Cavaliers have finally found their song. Much like the “Super Bowl Shuffle” inspired the Chicago Bears to take home the Vince Lombardi Trophy after SBXX, the Cavs may have come across the anthem that will lead LeBron & Co. to b-ball glory.

Joe Beast aka Joe Smith album cover

The whack track is by up & coming rap artiste Joe Beast. But you may know Mr. Beast better as Cavs forward Joe Smith.

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Speed Read: Penn St. & Illinois Stink Up The Joint

Basketball: it’s a beautiful game. Or fantastically ugly, depending on which game you watched last night. On one hand, you had the Phoenix Suns putting up 140 points for the second straight game in their 142-119 victory over the depleted Los Angeles Clippers. On the other, there was Penn State and Illinois, who combined scored exactly one-half as many points as the Suns did in the Nittany Lions’ 38-33 upset victory over the Fighting Illini.

Penn State vs Illinois

Let’s talk about the latter game first. It wasn’t the lowest scoring game since the 45-second shot clock was introduced in 1986, but it was close. (That distinction belongs to Monmouth’s 41-21 win over Princeton in 2006.) They also flirted with the record for fewest combined points in a half, with the two team’s output of 32 just eclipsing the record of 28 set by Mississippi and South Carolina back in 2003.

The box score tells you all you need to know about the debacle. Exactly one player scored in double digits: Penn State’s Talor Battle, who put up 11 points on 3-for-11 shooting. Heck, the Nittany Lions as a team shot 28.3 percent from the field, and they won.

At least the two teams didn’t let a little thing like not being able to hit the broadside of a barn stop them from shooting the deep ball: they combined to go 6-for-33 from the three-point line. And Illinois didn’t attempt a free throw. For the game. Way to be aggressive, guys. But I guess a win’s a win, even if it’s the most embarrassing and pathetic kind possible. Congratulations, Penn State, I guess.

Steve Nash and Al Thorton

And then there are the Suns. You’ll excuse me if I don’t get too excited by the sudden return of the high-scoring, fast-paced, exciting Suns with Alvin Gentry as head coach after putting a hurting on the Clippers on back-to-back nights. First off, it’s the Clippers to begin with, but if a team with Amare Stoudemire (for now) can’t murder a team that’s missing Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, Brian Skinner and Zach Randolph, then something is seriously wrong.

Check back with me on Sunday after you guys visit Boston, and we’ll see how you’re doing.

But the Suns have a date with Oklahoma City before then on Friday, which will be without newly-acquired Tyson Chandler. Permanently. That’s because the Thunder rescinded their trade with New Orleans from Tuesday and sent Chandler back to the Hornets after he failed a physical with their team doctor.

Tyson Chandler

As TRUEHOOP notes, it’s probably going to be pretty awkward in New Orleans as Chandler has to return to the team that just unloaded him for Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox. (By the way, is Joe Smith involved with every strange trade or free agent signing in the NBA?) What makes things even more odd is that Chandler didn’t fail the physical because of his sprained left ankle - it was because of a big toe injury he suffered in 2007. And the Thunder’s doctor was the one who performed the surgery.

And speaking of injuries…Ken Griffey Jr. is back with the Mariners! All joking aside, I think most people of my generation will think it’s pretty neat to see Junior back in a Mariners uniform (presumably) for the rest of his career. And the story of his signing with the Mariners is unique; the SEATTLE TIMES says that apparently the No. 1 salesman for Seattle was Harold Reynolds, a close friend of Griffey’s. He had been working on Griffey to sell him on the move to Seattle when he played his trump card: hugging Willie Mays.

Ken Griffey Jr.

Reynolds set up a phone call between Griffey and the Say Hey Kid, who was Griffey’s idol and the reason he wears No. 24. And sure enough, soon after having the phone conversation with Mays, Griffey told the Mariners that he would sign with them. A great story, although I’m not sure I’d take advice from Willie Mays on how to end your career gracefully.

More sports stories to learn about as you ponder if anyone’s life could be stranger than Tracy Morgan’s

Which star athlete’s end of career death spiral was most painful to watch?

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NY Met To Cubs Fans: “You Ain’t Sh–, F— You”

Just when we thought that that whole “Cubs are cursed” thing was a growing a little shopworn, Joe Smith, relief pitcher for the New York Mets, picks us up. “mycubseason2008″ recently posted a video (via HOME RUN DERBY) of Smith cursing Cubs fans in the Wrigley Field bleachers before the Cubs-Mets game on April 22. Good times!

Mets Pitcher Joe Smith Curses At Cubs Fans At Wrigley Field

A lot of the audio isn’t intelligible, but here’s what we could make out Smith saying. Read more…

Aaron Gray Not Shy About Louis Vuitton Penchant

Noce of CHICAGO BULL passes along a letter sent out today by the Chicago Bulls to season ticket holders that was supposedly written by Bulls player Aaron Gray.

Aaron Gray Chicago Bulls

It was, no doubt, a public relations masterstroke by the club. Gray’s mention in the letter of buying a Louis Vuitton bag for his mother must ease the minds of the Bulls fans who doled out thousands in ticket money this season, only to witness the most hideously underachieving team in the league.

And Gray also confirms what we’ve always known: Ben Wallace is a great guy! Read more…