Montana, Gretzky, Smith Progeny Still Undefeated

It’s the only high school football snack bar that sells autograph pens. At any given game you may seen Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky, Will Smith, or even Tom Cruise in the stands. I attended an Oaks Christian High School game last season and it’s actually kind of hilarious: The real Hollywood High.

You probably know by now that Montana, Gretzky and Smith all have sons who play football at Oaks Christian in Westlake Village (near Los Angeles). The update is that starting quarterback Nick Montana, a senior, has led the Lions to an 8-0 record so far, and a No. 5 spot in USA TODAY’s Super 25 football rankings. Oaks Christian, in fact, hasn’t lost a game since Oct. 19, 2007 — a 29-game win streak, 22 of those victories directed by Montana. Read more…

Speed Read: College Class Lets Rickey Be Rickey

Rickey Henderson’s upcoming speech after his Baseball Hall of Fame induction on Sunday has the potential to be almost as awesome as a dinosaur fighting a squid and a whale. After all, this is someone who used to scream “Rickey is the best!” while standing naked in front of a mirror in the clubhouse taking practice swings. Who used called Padres GM Kevin Towers searching for a job and left the following message: “Kevin, this is Rickey. Calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.” And of course, who after breaking Lou Brock’s stolen base record, got on the mic and said “Lou Brock was the symbol of great base stealing. But today, I’m the greatest of all time.”

Rickey Henderson

So imagine him getting to give a whole speech dedicated to the matter of his greatness? It’s staggering to think what might come out of his mouth. It’s like taking Mel Gibson out for a night of drinking and then asking him about Jews. But the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS reports that Henderson is attempting to refine his speech, and some lucky college students at Laney College in the Bay Area are getting to help. For the past several weeks, he’s been practicing his speech in front of a public speaking class and receiving critiques from the students.

Rickey Henderson

The teacher is former major leaguer Earl Robinson, who offered Henderson his help because even Henderson can admit that he needs it:

“Speech and me don’t get along sometimes,” he said. “I’m not a doctor or professor, so for me to go and write a speech or read a speech, it’s kind of like putting a tie too tight around my neck.”

Usually, it’s hard to accuse Rickey Henderson of an understatement, but to say that he and speech “don’t get along sometimes” is like saying Madonna’s face is starting to look “kind of weird.” So where does this leave us for Sunday? Because let’s face facts: it would be tragic if his speech was too good.  But it appears that there’s no need to worry, as Robinson assures people that the speech is still all Rickey:

“He’s going to say what he feels,” he said. “How they interpret it, we’ll see. When he throws something out there, whatever else you hear in terms of him being critical of this or that, he overpowers you with the sincerity of his words.

“Like I finally said to him, just do the best you can. Let Rickey be Rickey.”

Manny Ramirez grand slam bobblehead

Yesterday we told you about how Manny Ramirez hit a game-winning grand slam on Manny Ramirez Bobblehead Night into the Mannywood section of seats. And for many people in Southern California, it’s probably a good thing that we did, because they sure didn’t get a chance to watch it on TV. That’s because, as the LOS ANGELES TIMES points out, Time Warner Cable customers missed the homer thanks to a roughly one minute service outage. Whoops!

One minute, viewers were watching the game. Then, they saw a frozen screen followed by back-to-back commercials, only to come back to Ramirez taking a curtain call because…something happened. Not that Time Warner cares about the dozens of angry e-mails and phone calls. I mean, it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Time Warner spokesman Darryl Ryan said that what occurred was “an inadvertent glitch.” He said it affected a “small number” of customers on L.A.’s Westside and the western San Fernando Valley. And, as if this will matter to that “small number” of customers, “it only took them away from the game for 54 seconds,” Ryan said.

Hey, it least you didn’t have the Super Bowl climax replaced by a porn scene. Or, perhaps it’s too bad that you didn’t, depending on if your wife is in the room.

Finally, are you ready for a sitcom called “Jock Itch”? If you said yes, then Dolphins CB Nathan Jones is your kind of man. (Also, if you said yes, please resume beating yourself over the head with a mallet.)  Jones is executive producing the show, which he describes as “really ‘Friday Night Lights meets ‘Friends’.” Which I assume means that there will be a ton of cute talking, but no one will watch. Still, it’s an open audition if you’re interested.

  • POLITICO says former Bengals and Buccaneers head coach Sam Wyche is mulling a run for Congress as a Republican in his native South Carolina. I’m sure he’ll be ahead in the polls until Joe Montana’s last-minute entry into the race throws everything crazy.
  • Sam Wyche

  • YES Network’s choice for a “Yankee Classic” to air this weekend? Not one of their 26 World Series-clinching victories, or even a great game by Rickey Henderson. Nope, it’s their 9-8 win over the Mets from June 12, aka the Luis Castillo dropped ball game. All I know is that Tony Bernazard is ready to cut someone at the YES Network.
  • The guy who accused Marvin Harrison of shooting him has managed to get shot again. This time Dwight Dixon is in critical condition in a Philadelphia hospital, with Harrison nowhere in sight.
  • Really, is anyone surprised that Rickey Williams is studying New Age medicine as his post-football career? At least I know who I can turn to in order to get a prescription for my “glaucoma.”
  • CURBED LA says that one of the few people who stands to benefit from the California budget deal is billionaire Ed Roski, since his NFL stadium plan for the City of Industry happens to be right next to a proposed “redevelopment area.”
  • What is former MLB Troy Neel’s punishment for being the “most egregious child-support evader in Texas history” after fleeing the country for ten years in order to avoid paying more than $750,000 in support? Two years of probation. What ever happened to “Texas-style justice”?
  • The roster for the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Hollywood Stars celebrity game has been announced. With names such as Larry King, Tom Arnold, Tom Green and former Creed lead singer Scott Stapp, it’s a veritable Who’s Who of celebrities I’d like to see take a fastball to the temple, Ray Chapman-style.
  • Headline of the Day: Kobe Advises Taiwan’s Wang to be Patient”. And for God’s sake, don’t stay at any hotels in Colorado.
  • Is there anything more dangerous than a drunk Bison? North Dakota State’s football team is dealing with its fourth player to be arrested in the past six months on DUI charges. Not to be outdone, a University of North Dakota hockey player gets suspended for drunkenly throwing so much stuff from a garage onto a road - including a lawn mower, kitchen table and glassware - that the street had to be closed for clean-up.
  • The police car footage from Texas baseball coach Augie Garrido’s January DWI arrest has been made public, and offers many tips on what not to do if you’ve been pulled over after having “five glasses of wine.” Such as: tell the cop you are drunk, and volunteer that a DWI will ruin your career.

Seriously: who would you most want to see take a screaming line drive in the crotch?

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Meet Hilary Rhoda - Mark Sanchez’s Photo Friend

• Wondering who that bikini-clad brunette babe is in Mark Sanchez’s GQ photoshoot? Wonder no more - say hello to Hilary Rhoda.

Hilary Rhoda

• The L.A. Clippers win the 1st pick in the NBA lottery. Can’t wait to see how they screw it up this time!

Najeh Davenport won’t take any crap from thieves trying to steal his car.

Joe Montana gets a coaching gig with his son’s high school football team.

• It’s funny when a Mets fan loses a gold tooth in a Citi Field toilet. It’s even funnier when the same fan gets her arm stuck in the same toilet.

Read more…

Joe Montana Now Assistant Coach For Son’s Team

At my high school we had football coaches who weren’t really football coaches. They were just gym teachers or history teachers looking to pick up an extra paycheck on the side. So as you’d expect, we weren’t really the most well-coached team in the area, and our record reflected this.

Too bad we didn’t have the sons of any Hall of Fame quarterbacks at our school, or maybe we could have convinced their dad to come teach us how to actually play the game. Oaks Christian in California, who has actual football coaches, does have the son of a Hall of Famer on their team in Nick Montana, and now his father has signed on to be an assistant coach with the team.

Read more…

The Amount O.J. Believes His Life To Be Worth

While the more spiritual among us see the recent O.J. Simpson guilty verdict as just the universe’s way of righting a past wrong, the fact remains that O.J. would still be a free man if he just didn’t have to have that memorabilia of his back. So it’s kind of interesting to finally get the list of exactly what the memorabilia was.

O.J. Simpson

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL does the legwork on this one, obtaining the court documents for the viewing pleasure of the O.J.-hating public. So come on, my friends. Let’s all print out the list, meet at the water cooler, and laugh at The Juice, who is no longer on the loose.

The complete list of sports memorabilia, after the jump.

Read more…

Girl Knows How to Keep Interest Up @ Rays Game

• We’ve got to hand it to this gal, who really knows how to keep her guy’s interest up at a Tampa Bay Rays game.

Rays couple

• The Lakers are apparently willing to launch Lamar Odom to Sacramento so they can acquire Ron Artest.

• This Belarus soccer referee’s not blind - he’s blind drunk!

Tiger Woods is on par to become the first athlete worth … ONE BILLION DOLLARS! (raises pinky to corner of mouth)

• An online Oklahoman article about a Sooners QB’s arrest for cocaine possession turns out to be a Husker-hatched hoax. (Too bad it wasn’t the same story for Matt Jones.)

Read more…

Sons Of Montana & Gretzky Battle For HS QB Job

Oaks Christian High School in Westlake Village, California is loaded at the quarterback position. Not only are there six signal callers on the roster, two of them are from great athletic bloodlines.

Nicolas Montana

(Nicholas Montana - is that his number or his area code?)

Trevor Gretzky, son of hockey legend Wayne Gretzky, has ditched his dad’s skates for the gridiron. Nicholas Montana is following in his father Joe’s footsteps. Both teens are fighting for the second string quarterback job, and Oaks Christian head football coach Bill Redell says there will be no favorite playing. Read more…

Second Coming of Montana To Bless Notre Dame

Rejoice, Notre Dame fans! The Second Coming is upon thee! Joe Montana’s kid will be joining thy gloriously gallant gridiron team!

Nate Montana Joe Montana

SI’s Arash Markazi tosses over news that Joe’s eldest son Nate will soon be heading for the South Bend campus, challenging for the QB spot.

So, is the younger Montana an immediate lock to be the star signal-caller for the Irish? Not quite. Read more…

Space Age Technology Kills Montana’s Secret Life

Remember the report that Joe Montana bugged out after having his photo snapped at a Super Bowl party?

Joe Montana

Arash Markazi of SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, in his breakdown of every single Super Bowl party, has this followup from the “Madden Bowl” party last week:

“Joe Montana, Dwight Clark and Chris Berman sitting in a VIP booth with a bevy of beauties surrounding them. Montana seem resigned to the possibility that images of his night on the town might end up online. “It seems like everyone has a camera on these,” he said picking up his cell phone. “You can’t do anything privately anymore.”

Don’t suppose Berman pal’d along with Montana and Clark for any particular reason, eh?

Heidi Montag

Markazi ranks all the parties (Maxim, Playboy, ESPN) and has some fun details, like Wade Phillips doing “Soulja Boy” in front of Jerry Jones, and a strange odor emanating from the Playboy party. Some highlights after the jump - along with Maxim party photos (and Heidi Montag’s alarming boob job).

Read more…

Blog-O-Rama: Fans Grunt Along With Sharapova

Quite an exciting half, eh? Here’s some news to wake yourself up while you enjoy the haunting melodies of Mr. Petty & his Heartbreakers:

• The MONTREAL GAZETTE’s OPEN COURT is at a loss for words, as Israeli tennis fans decided to grunt along with Maria Sharapova during her Fed Cup match.

Maria Sharapova leaning forward

• The RICHMOND (VA) TIMES-DISPATCH notes that musicians often see record sales skyrocket after Super Bowl appearances - even if they’re not getting paid for it.

• Speaking of Sunday’s spectacle, THE BACHELOR GUY has some helpful tips in explaining the Big Game to your girlfriend.

• GAME DAILY learns that Joe Montana can be a big jerk about being a little camera shy.

Joe Montana

• BUSTED COVERAGE sends along news that FedEx employees better deliver themselves to work on Monday, or else.

• THE WIZARD OF ODDS gets teary-eyed at the tale of a Washington State football player replacing his teammate’s contact-lens solution with rubbing alcohol.

Read more…