Joakim Noah spent his holiday weekend embarrassing the Bulls yet again. The ex-Gator hoopster was caught in Gainesville committing a heinous crime indeed - walking around in public with an open alcoholic container!

Oh, and he had some pot on him, too.

Tsk tsk. Oh, Joakim, if only you had listened to your father. Read more…

• JOE SPORTS FAN finds Bulls rookie Joakim Noah trying to salvage his season - by trying out for ‘American Idol’?

• RANDBALL examines the Johan Santana trade from the Twins’ point of view.

• WITH LEATHER is bored by the Bard, as NPR offers up Super Bowl Media Day as if written by William Shakespeare.

• AWFUL ANNOUNCING knows it’s always trouble when tigers & frogs mix it up on the Rockets’ court.

• INTENTIONAL FOUL looks for the remote, as they turn off their choices for most pathetic Super Bowl commercials. Read more…

• 100% INJURY RATE laces up, as LSU fans are willing to March For Miles:

• Speaking of tearjerkers, DEUCE OF DAVENPORT tosses a hanky to Redskins QB Jason Campbell, who turned on the waterworks after Sunday’s loss to the Cowboys.• THE LAZY EYE OF STUART SCOTT gives a big “Booyah!” to Joakim Noah, who took five games to score his first NBA points of the season.

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS grabs some popcorn (and knows a good seller), as the Knicks turn into a three-ring circus:

• The PORTLAND OREGONIAN weighs in on Greg Oden packing on the pounds during his season off.• As one league has already had its share of problems, NEW YORK JEWISH WEEK wonders if Israel is ready for *two* baseball leagues.

• MAKE THE LOGO BIGGER bets you’ll enjoy watching Pete Rose sing for Aqua Velva:

• STORMING THE FLOOR catches up on all the “classic” basketball on tap this week.• AOL FANHOUSE feels the pain, as an Arena Football spike takes down a ref.

STEPHEN A. SMITH SOCKED BY FANS’ SILLY CINEMATICS: FAN IQ finds a fun video made at the NBA Draft featuring ESPN analyst Stephen A. Smith - in sock puppet form!

A group billing itself as “The Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen” came to the Big Apple to take a bite out of His Quite Frankness, via a dingy sock puppet.

The laundry-day escapee called out his cotton-mouthed comments to the draftees as they escaped down a corridor. Some of the grandiose gems:

To Al Horford: “Some people say you’re the best forward since Slava Medvedenko!”

“Why hasn’t my praise changed your life, Brandon Wright?”

“Because he’s been such a man of the people, and because his hair is so long, I hereby dub thee Joakim Noah, the People’s Princess!”

“I’m Stephen A. Smith! Every thing I say is important!”

The video also has a little bonus at the end, starring another member of the Worldwide Leader’s crew:

That would be Stuart Scott checking out his new ESPN Mobile - or maybe placing a booty call.

Booty-yah!

• Feeling Drafty: THE STARTING FIVE runs down every single selection from last night’s NBA pick’em contest:

• WBRS SPORTS BLOG wonders what Danny Ainge has to do to get canned from the Celtics.

• D.C SPORTS BOG pities the fool who won’t enjoy the upcoming mohawks of Wizards pick Nick Young.

• THE FEED is touched that Tony Gonzalez loves you (in a legally non-binding sense).

• AOL FANHOUSE believes Michelle Wie needs a time out from tee times:

• Tracy Ringolsby of the ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS offers an amusuing anectdote for new Mr. 3000, Craig Biggio: He’s also reached first base 1,435 times *without* a hit.

• ONE MORE DYING QUAIL wonders why every baseball moment on ESPN (like Biggio’s 3,000th) has to somehow relate to the Yankees.

• RUMORS AND RANTS knows the English can make a good steak & kidney pie, but why can’t they make a Wimbledon champ?

• MAINICHI DAILY NEWS spots a career going downhill, as a Japanese champion snowboarder has allegedly changed paths from one of the world’s newest sports to the world’s oldest profession:

• BLOWN COVERAGE informs us today’s NFL player arrest comes courtesy of Fred Evans of the Miami Dolphins.

• SONS OF SAM MALONE tunes in and hears an Alabama sports reporter getting fired live over the air:

• Speaking of Alabammy, LOSER WITH SOCKS rolls on the crimson trail in search of the Tuscaloosa Tree Killer.

• SHAKEDOWN SPORTS selects what each NBA team really needs in their 2007 Mock Draft:

• Thanks to three national championships in 12 months, the gator-skin wallet of Florida AD Jeremy Foley will be getting a little fatter.

• PATRICK’S BLAWG notices ESPN is flirting more with sex appeal to sell their sports - and they don’t mind at all:

• BARRY MELROSE ROCKS is shocked that an NHL player would be drafted just because he’s Canadian.

NOAH FAMILY TREE LEAVES CLUES TO BIZARRO BEHAVIOR: As we all try to unravel that repellent riddle wrapped inside an exasperating enigma, Joakim Noah, the one thing we do know is the only person with worse teeth than Joakim and Dad Yannick is the lead singer for the Georgia Satellites.

But most don’t know the finer details of Joakim’s upbringing (his parents were divorced when he was very young and Dad Yannick rarely visited before son hit it big).

And unless you live within France’s borders *shudder*, you probably are unaware that the elder Noah is currently a huge hit with the French - not because of his legendary tennis career, but because of his singing.

From the land that still reveres Jerry Lewis as a contemporary comic genius and can’t get enough of Tony Parker’s rapping, Noah’s songs can be seen and heard all over French radio and TV.

As you might expect, you’ll have to break out the electron microscope to detect the entertainment value in the music. I’m guessing the French appreciate his lyrics (one of his recent hits translates to “no more fighting”) more than his musicianship.

But the mastery of the arts doesn’t stop with Yannick, it also extends to Joakim’s mother, Cecilia. The former Miss Sweden in 1978, is, apparently, a sculptor.

Her bio notes her career highlights as having her work displayed at the United Stations, and a commission that she received for “a massive bronze on permanent display in Atlantic City, New Jersey” (which is no doubt the dream of every world-class sculptor).

Finally, Joakim’s sister Yelena is often mentioned as a “model”. Taking her cue from Mom and Dad, it’s at best debatable if she’s qualified for that occupation.

So following this quick sketch of Joakim’s semi-fraudulent and rather dysfunctional family, I think we can all be a little more sympathetic when he breaks out his bizarro behavior.

OK, maybe not.

UCLA’S LORENZO MATA HAS HIS POOL UNDER CONTROL: I’ve been wavering on UCLA’s chances to make a made dash back to the Final Four, but after seeing this O.G. snap of Bruins’ big Lorenzo Mata pimped-out by the pool, my belief in the Westwooded quest has officially been renewed:

But I’m guessing that hasn’t diminished the ebulliance of ever-jocular Joakim Noah, who apparently isn’t shy about showing what is fueling the Gators in their bid for a piggy-backed payoff:

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that predicting the NCAA tournament is a lot like a buddy trying to teach me an obscure table game in Vegas (in case you haven’t been to Sin City this century, Teach = Lose).

I have as much chance of hacking the brackets as getting comped at the 4 Queens after a 3am session of 3-card powered by innumerable house vodka-and-stones.

That’s why I like to leave the prognostication to the experts, like ESPN’s Andy Katz, who is always zeroing in on the all-important storylines of the tournament, like abhorrent mascot bleacher behavior.

And the impartiality and point-on professionalism of Digger Phelps means you can always count on ESPN to give you the best chance to soothsay your way through the dizzying maze of games.

My innate inability to accurately assess games means that most of my enjoyment from the early rounds comes from observing the mostly obscure announcers (at least to non-New Jersey Nets fans) that CBS rolls out.

We’ve seen the tired acts of reach-for-the-mini-thins bores Jim Nantz, Billy “Blackhead” Packer and studio hosts Greg Gumbel and Clark Kellogg too many times. So it’s a refreshing respite to hear new voices, though they are usually as inept as their more celebrated colleagues.

Top of the list is Jim Spanarkel and Ian Eagle, whose voices I hear once a year - much like a bad date or unfortunate acquaintance forcing me to fulfill my one-reality-show-per-365-days quota.

When you combine Spanarkel’s first-hand experience of the NBA’s narcotic-infested early ’80s era and Ian Eagle’s ability to prove the NEW YORK TIMES has online archives dating to 1993, you’ve got yourself a pants party.

But ultimately I would be remiss if I didn’t salute the man who made college basketball broadcasting the time-honored profession that it is today, Dick Vitale.

Now can somebody please get Dick some powder for chrissakes?

IT’S TIME TO GIVE GATORS & NOAH A (INSERTABLE) HAND: Yesterday Florida won the SEC basketball tournament, priming the Gators for a run to their second straight national title and giving Joakim Noah a chance to celebrate with restraint and aplomb (via Lion in Oil):

That joyous, explosive interaction with CBS announcer Verne Lundquist and coach Billy Donovan gives us a clue as to the Florida player’s first major endorsement deal.

As a proud University of Georgia alumnus, I can only hope that when the Bulldogs some century day enjoy similar basketball success, they will display the same all-around class and dignity as Noah and the Gators have lo these past two glorious seasons.

And personally, the most valuable lesson the Gators have taught me is to assume Noah’s off-court comportment - since he has shown that that’s the way into the hearts of surely the most beautiful women Florida has to offer.

After polling three dozen sports bloggers, Mr. Irrelevant presents the Top 40 Sports Figures of 2006.

From Barry Bonds and Harold Reynolds to Jen Sterger and LeBron James - the most controversial and/or popular figures of the year were present and accounted for while others like Michelle Wie and Joakim Noah were noticeably absent.

Topping the list is Terrell Owens, a man that SbBer Paul Katcher refers to as “an abomination of a professional sportsman.”

Upon hearing that Owens was taking the top honor, Bob Costas told Sports Bloggers Live that it could only be compared to Saddam Hussein being named Time’s Person of the Year.

I would’ve gone with Bin Laden but I suppose Hussein will do.