Jimmy Connors Arrested After UCSB B-Ball Game

You wouldn’t think that the UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos are much to get worked up over, but for Jimmy Connors, it was enough to land him in jail. According to the LOS ANGELES TIMES, Connors was arrested just outside the entrance to the probably misnamed “Thunderdome” following a confrontation.

Jimmy Connors ACTION
(Kinda looks like Jason Bateman a bit.)

It wasn’t murder or anything, since Connors has already been released, but the Santa Barbara police department won’t divulge what Connors’ crime was. That won’t stop us from our favorite recreational activity: reckless speculation!

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Jimmy Connors Is A Discerning Purveyor Of Porn

CONNORS DOESN’T GIMELSTOB WHEN IT COMES TO PORNO: Our new favorite tennis player (as of last week), Justin Gimelstob, unfortunately is now retiring.

Jay Leno Justin Gimelstob

The 12-year pro (yeah, we had no idea either) was a goof reporter for Jay Leno where he interviewed players at the tournament. When introducing his segment to Leno, Gimelstob said hoped to have a TV sports media career after retirement, but unfortunately has a face for radio. (Is Jay Mohr now writing for Leno?)

Highlights: Gimelstob to Venus Williams, who he played mixed doubles with: “Why’d you dump me? Was there sexual tension, because I get that a lot, even with my male doubles partners?”

Venus Williams

Williams: “I prefer not to talk about that.

Gimelstob to Jimmy Connors (who was once married to softcore porn model Patti McGuire): “You’ve seen my talent and lack of talent, what do I have in my future? Maybe some porn?”

Patti McGuire Jimmy Connors Playboy

Connors: “You’ve been around. You know all the ropes, and listen, anytime you can get into porn, take it.

Jimmy Connors

You know what would get us to watch tennis again? A-holes like Connors and McEnroe. Ol’ timey tennis was just as much theatre and personalities than today’s procession of East European robots and soft-serve American country-clubbers.