Philadelphia just can’t catch a break. First Game 3 was pushed back because of little black rain clouds and very very frightening thunderbolts of lightning, and the conclusion wasn’t until well after 2 a.m. EST. Sunday night’s Game 4, meanwhile, was delayed by Patti LaBelle’s 2-minute-28-second rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner.”

While jazz legend “Bleeding Gums” Murphy might be a fan of such renditions, ALLENTOWN MORNING CALL sports editor Keith Groller was soon pining for the Backstreet Boys’ version. Some did appreciate the total change in melody, like the HARTFORD COURANT’s Roger Catlin, remarking that it “thrilled and soared with the best of them.” Whatever final ruling comes from Simon, Paula and Randy, LaBelle does seem to have a bit of baseball foresight in her soul:

“I’m going to feel like a queen when it’s over … The fans are great. And I’m going to be more proud tonight, when they win 14-0.”

Maybe not 14-zip, but how does 10-2 sound?

The Phillies are now in the driver’s seat while the Rays are struggling to breathe in the trunk after Jayson Werth, Ryan Howard (twice), and Joe Blanton — the pitcher!? — successfully swung for the fences and cured their RISPitoid arthritis in the same game. But while Howard might have sandwiched in five RBIs, the more impressive feat is Blanton’s unlikely solo swing, which was the first World Series home run by a pitcher since ‘74. So congratulations, Ken Holtzman. You’re no longer languishing on a Trivial Pursuit card!

Through four games, Philly’s up 3-1, so a Game 5 win tonight will cement the trophy with all the flags in the glass case at the CBP. As for Tampa, well, their 3-4 tandem of Carlos Peña and Evan Longoria are totally and thoroughly hitless in the Series. That might have somethin’ to do with the two game deficit.

And contrary to rumors circulating around your breakfast nook, it wasn’t just a baseball day yesterday.

Why bring in the middle man? Have a coffee, Peter King. NBC’s Bob Costas chatted directly with area football franchise owner Jerry Jones for over 11 (!) minutes about the State of the Dallas Cowboys — everything from Romo’s pinky to Pac-adam’s suspension to the new stadium and back.The best part might be at the tail end of the fireside chat:

Costas: You don’t mind it, you like it a little bit that sometimes there’s a motley collection of characters on your team and maybe there are some character issues and some othe things that go beyond the field that’s kind of part for the course in Dallas, isn’t it?

Jones: Well I’m gonna take exception with the “motley” aspect of your description, that’s not the case, but what I will agree to is that just because you got a football helmet on and a football uniform doesn’t mean there aren’t all kinds of personalities that can be very successful, and yes I have gotten to be a part of teams that have had different characters wearing that star. but they come together for a common reason and that is for the team to win the championship. Win. Win.

I repeat, they’re not motley. So, the tamest possible description of the Cowboys’ raucous character pool, and Jones isn’t cool with it. From now on, they’ll the Playmakers. (So which one’s the closet homosexual?)

Also, he said he won’t fire Coach Phillips this year. Confidence!

If you don’t check out what else is happening, I can neither confirm nor deny if an NFL coach will be all up in your spice:

• DC SPORTS BOG chronicles Washington Redskins coach Jim Zorn getting antsy with a reporter. After a win. (Caveat: against the Lions.) I can tell by the sullen look on your face that you want to watch the video.
• I’ll see your Zorn, and the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE will raise you a Mike Singletary rant. Look at the interim coach bring the heart hammer down on tight end Vernon Davis:
  

• THE SPORTS HERNIA notices that Jimmy Rollins took a page out of the Matt Stairs book of wisdom and really got his ass hammered by a guy during Game 4. No greater feeling. Especially when you’re called safe.
• Who says there was no Sunday Night Football? It just happened to be in the collegiate level. Undefeated Tulsa crushed UCF 49-19 and is still just the fourth best non-BCS school in the most recent rankings, clocking in at No. 18. The other three? Utah (No. 10), Boise State (No. 11), and the Class Of The MAC, Ball State (No. 16).
• But enough about the stupid non-power conference teams. Doody on them! It’s all about schools in Texas and Oklahoma. We already mentioned Tulsa, but Texas (No. 1), Oklahoma (No. 4), Texas Tech (No. 7), Oklahoma State (No. 9), and TCU (No. 13) give the superstate of Texlahoma five teams in the top 15. This is proof the region hasn’t had a drought in a while. This week’s big matchup, as there always seems to be two of those teams locking horns every week: Texas vs. Texas Tech.
• It’s media day for North Carolina basketball. But I hope you weren’t looking forward to seeing Tyler Hansbrough, because he didn’t show up, the WILMINGTON STAR-NEWS reports. Begin the nervous conspiracies … now.
• “What ifs” are so much fun. Joe Posnanski shares with America a column that would have run had Jamie Moyer been the story of Game 3. For this very reason, now I wish Tampa Bay had never come back to tie the game.
• BLOGCRITICS SPORTS’ Sal Marinello dispels any myths that the players reportedly testing positive for diuretics used them as a weight loss solution. A Wheel of Fortune-type hint: _t_r_ids.
• The ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION was front and center at the Pep Boys Auto 500 where Carl Edwards flipped to victory, but Jimmie Johnson is cartwheeling over his second place finish, adding to his points lead.
• And the BLEACHER REPORT organizes the NBA’s ten best trios of all time. Marbury-Randolph-Francis is conspicuously absent.

Washington Redskins Head Coach Jim Zorn is no Bill Belichick.  While the Pats chief is known for his mastery of the art of “coachspeak” (that is, saying nothing at all of note in his press conferences), Zorn spent some time recently telling a reporter of his experience picking up and skinning road kill.

(How fitting that he coaches the ‘Skins)

According to the WASHINGTON POST:

“We lived on Lake Washington,” he began. “Ok, this absolutely was appalling to my bride of 29 years, but I actually found road kill. I didn’t hunt the coyote, I found road-kill coyote, put it in a bag, shoved it in my trunk. I thought, ‘A coyote pelt, this is awesome!’ “

Insanity continued after the jump. Read more…

• Greek basketball team offers Kobe Bryant a three-year, $83 million contract, plus a lifetime supply of extra virgin olive oil. His wife Vanessa wants to renegotiate the second part.



• Roger Goddell is Blinky to Adam Jones’ Pac Man: the NFL Commissioner drops a four-game suspension on the Cowboys troublemaker after he brawled at a hotel with his bodyguard.
• Scottish police confiscated more than 240 gallons of alcohol from soccer fans before last weekend’s World Cup qualifying match against Norway. Judging by the awful play of their team, I hope the cops gave the booze back to them on the way out.
• Spanish soccer player agrees to play for free this season. His agent, Drewlio Rosenhausalez, is not pleased.
• Steve Bartman five years later: still single, still living with his parents, still lucky not to have been ripped limb from limb by Cubs fans.
• Read more…

You might remember Shaun Alexander from when you drafted him in the first round two years ago and he single-handedly proceeded to torpedo thousands of fantasy teams around the world. Or perhaps you remember him from last year, when you took him in the second round and hoped for a bounce-back season, and he screwed you again through a combination of injury and general suckitude. Well, get ready for him to steal goal-line carries from Clinton Portis, thereby enraging fantasy owners for an unprecedented third year in a row.

Reports out of DC have Alexander meeting with the Redskins today, with an expected offer forthcoming. [UPDATE: it’s a done deal.] The Skins need a backup back after Ladell Betts went down with a sprained knee Sunday, and Alexander has been itching to get back in the league after being released by the Seahawks in April. He’ll reunite with Jim Zorn, who clearly wasn’t anticipating this when he threw Alexander under the bus in February: (Throw your copy of Madden 07 against the wall and come back for the damning quote after the jump.)

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While there’s no statistic out there to prove it, it seems like when an athlete is asked by some dying fan to give them a visit or send them a personalized autograph or something else along those lines, more often than not they feel like they’re being forced to do it just to avoid a PR disaster. But when Chris Cooley is asked to see a sick man, you kind of get the sense he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Last week, Cooley received an email telling him the story of Kathy and Ron Frazier. The two had been season ticket holders for the Redskins since ‘91, but this year they’d been unable to get to any games because Ron was suffering from stage-4 colon cancer. Two hours after receiving the email, Redskins brass called the couple to let them know that Cooley was on the case!

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Another night, another Mets collapse: this time they blew a four-run lead before falling 9-6 to the Cubs in 10 innings. Combine that with CC Sabathia pitching a gem on short rest to lift the Brewers to a 4-2 win over the Pirates and you’ve got a tie for the NL Wild Card. Instead of buying seats as souvenirs when the season is over, Mets fans might just be ripping them apart in disgust after another late-season collapse.

The Phillies lost, too, but even more troubling, as the PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS reports, was this: the Philadelphia Police Department bomb squad blew up the hot dogs the Phillie Phanatic shoots into crowds between innings, after someone called in about a suspicious package. They were hardly a danger to the public, unless you count the nitrates, fat and sodium. But this is Philadelphia, the home of the cheese steak - when it comes to food leading to heart attacks, hot dogs are the least of their concerns.

Former Virginia starting QB Peter Lalich strikes me as a fan of cheese steaks. And hot dogs. And whatever else he can find when he’s hammered. Even though he was just kicked out of school for underage drinking, COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK notes that it didn’t take long for him to land on his wobbly feet: he’s already enrolled at Oregon State, and will be eligible to play next season.

Why did Lalich choose the Beavers? Perhaps he thought that Dennis Erickson was still the head coach and he needed a new drinking buddy. Or maybe OSU wanted some advance scouting for their game against USC tonight, since he started against them the opening weekend. Although I’m guessing any notes he gave to Coach Mike Riley weren’t very useful:

“Dear Coach: Their defense hits really hard. It hurts to play them, especially when you’re nursing a wicked hangover from Dollar PBR night at Snooker’s.”

Also landing on his feet quickly: fired Lions GM Matt Millen. Actually, it’s more like “gently floating to Earth on a golden parachute” as MLIVE.COM reports that Detroit could be on the hook for the his entire $50 million contract after letting him go. Judging by this photo found by DEADSPIN, you would hope that he could afford a riding lawnmower with that giant wad of cash.

• WITH LEATHER has designs on the world’s first underground stadium, currently being built in Qatar. No truth that the rumor that the Raiders’ home field of the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum is underground: it’s just the coach who is being buried six feet under.
• CBS 4 DENVER has Broncos’ lineman Kenny Peterson trying to get a side mount on reporter Kathy Lee. Don’t get any ideas, creeps - they were learning Jiu-Jitsu for a story. Needless to say, he fared better against her than the black belt trainer.
• T.J. Simers of the LOS ANGELES TIMES highlights some good deeds by Manny Ramirez - and pimps this very site!
• WASHINGTONIAN.COM interviews Trader Joe’s cheese buyer turned DC SPORTS BOG writer Dan Steinberg, who gives his opinions on everything from Gilbert Arenas to Jim Zorn’s magic dust to beer.
• Is Andy Pettitte done as a Yankee? The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS wonders that after the team announces he’s done for the season with a bum left shoulder. If only there was some way he could take something to help him get stronger and recover faster between starts…
• The DALLAS MORNING NEWS reports about an ex-women’s basketball player at SMU who is suing the school and head coach Rhonda Rompola for pulling her scholarship after she complained about inappropriate comments and questions the coach allegedly made about her lesbian sex life.
• MMA EXPERTS BLOG is ready to take Gina Carano to the mat for calling a press conference to complain about all the attention she’s receiving. Because posing for men’s magazines while wearing practically nothing and starring in American Gladiators while … well … wearing practically nothing is a great way to avoid being noticed.
• MOUTHPIECE SPORTS notes that even though none of the players from the original RBI Baseball Nintendo game are still playing, seven of the teams are still playing in the same stadiums. Of course, every stadium in RBI Baseball looked like a more generic Three Rivers Stadium, so take that at face value.
• HOME RUN DERBY wonders if the Cubbies aren’t tempting fate by already having World Series tickets printed up.
• The Oakland A’s haven’t decided to unveil new uniforms to court the alternative lifestyle crowd in the Bay Area: SF GATE reports that the rookies were forced to dress in drag for the team’s final road trip to Seattle. Almost but not quite as nightmare-inducing as the Padres as Hooters girls, but close.

Hot dogs plus the bomb squad might be a mess, but is the pinnacle of exploding goodness?

This is the type of story that makes you wonder what we ever did for entertainment before the Internet. A quick rundown: Chris Cooley, Redskins tight end and blogger extraordinaire, had himself an unfortunate accident yesterday. You see, while posting an image of the “Tight End Test” that new coach Jim Zorn gave his team - which is hilarious in its own right - he accidentally included a brief shot his naughty bits.

(Cooley showing off another part of his anatomy.)

The image was up for a brief time before the Cooley contingent was alerted about the inadvertent wang shot, after which the image was immediately taken down and burned like a file revealing some super-secret CIA assassination plot.

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The NFL season opener featured the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants against their NFC East rival, the Washington Redskins. And It was like Joe Gibbs 2.0 never left. The new guy, Jim Zorn, was supposed to bring all this new energy, a new way of doing things, a new offense, so on and so forth.

All ‘Skins fans got was more of the same: inept play-calling, a barrage of penalties, seven measly points and a loss. As usual, this is all owner Dan Snyder’s doing. And Tom Cruise. I’m sure he’s somehow responsible.

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Tonight’s Hall of Fame Game, a matchup of guys wearing Indianapolis Colts jerseys against other guys wearing Washington Redskins jerseys, marks the debut of the 2008-09 NFL season - if you count football games played by people you’ve never heard of in high school stadiums that have no bearing on the win/loss record of either team as an actual NFL game.

NBC’s coverage of tonight’s game is sure to draw in an audience, the majority of that audience might consist of the key demographic of degenerate gamblers excited about the opportunity to throw money down on football for the first time since the Arena Bowl but an audience nonetheless.

Aside from the degenerate gamblers, Redskins fans will also have an interest in watching at least a portion of tonight’s game; partially to see their new head coach Jim Zorn work the sidelines but mostly to enjoy the celebration of two of the franchise’s greats Art Monk and Darrell Green who were inducted into the Hall yesterday.

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Mike Sando of ESPN.com’s HASHMARKS plucks this comment from a Redskins.com interview with new Washington coach Jim Zorn:

“To watch Clinton Portis and the strain for the extra yard, it can fire you right up. I think he has excellent vision and he seems to be disciplined moving in the hole. He is probably the idea of an every-down back. We did not do that in Seattle. We did not have that every-down back in Seattle. We had to piece and put and kind of makeshift situations with plays. Clinton Portis is the kind of guy that you can have in and pass protect, can have in and run the ball.”

Former Seattle assistant Zorn scores a direct hit there on Shaun Alexander. This is clear evidence that Zorn is cutting his coach-speak classes, which is great news for The District media. Now they don’t have to wait for Marion Berry to once again fire up a pipe to have something fun to report on.