New Lions Coach Doesn’t Read Books By Women

Sometimes, we write headlines that are a little misleading to draw you, the reader, in for more. We don’t do it often, since that sort of stuff gets played out real quick, but it happens. Happens everywhere.

Jim Schwartz
(”It’s like they figured out a way to type with their vaginas. Can I say that?”)

This, amazingly, is not one of those instances. Look at that headline. Look at it again. Let it sink in. The Detroit Lions’ new head coach, Jim Schwartz, told the DETROIT NEWS that he doesn’t read book that women wrote. Would you like to know more? Because he’d like to tell you more.

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I Don’t Think The Lions Thought This One Through

Are you a Detroit Lions fan? Yes? Well then do I have a question for you: what in the hell is wrong with you? Why on Earth would anyone want to root for a franchise that not only went 0-16 this season, but hasn’t had a winning season since going 9-7 back in 2000? Why support a team that hasn’t been to the playoffs in ten years, and hasn’t won a title of any kind in more than fifty? You do realize that the Lions are so bad that Barry Sanders decided to retire instead of breaking Walter Payton’s career rushing record because he realized he’d have to do it as a Detroit Lion don’t you? That’s like being told you’re the prettiest girl at fat camp.

Just on final question for you, though, Lions Fan. Are you sick of having to answer questions regarding your intelligence/sanity for supporting the Lions? Well then I have some good news for you. The time has come to turn the tables and vent your frustrations to the the Lions themselves because they want you to attend a Town Hall meeting at Ford Field and let them know how completely inept they are.

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