Jessica Simpson Unamused At NFL Burger King Ad

I wouldn’t have a problem with this if it were funnier, or less filled with irony. But the NFL’s new TV ad featuring Dallas Cowboys players mocking Jessica Simpson for her weight gain is now rattling around the web, and I suppose it’s up to us to view it.

Sample hilarity from the animated ad, which aired Oct. 11 on Fox NFL Sunday: Marion Barber says, “Man, I still can’t believe Tony dated Jessica Simpson, even after she blew up bigger than Flozell Adams!” Cowboys coach Wade Phillips also joins in on the joke, which is more ironic than I can tell you. The ad is sponsored by Burger King, although the empty-calorie purveyors seem to have had no actual part in producing it. So The King waking up in bed next to some random guy is suddenly no longer good enough?

Video following the jump. Read more…

Week In Review: Danica to Drop ‘em for ESPN Mag

Danica Patrick could be removing her racing suit to pose for an all-nude (yet tastefully done) pictorial for ESPN The Magazine.

Danica Patrick topless

(Well, it’s a start)

• And the Rick Pitino sex-tortion scandal gets more & more pitiful.

• This FIBA Americas basketball tournament is getting quite rough. If it isn’t Mexico & Uruguay throwing punches & chairs, it’s security hassling Charlie Villanueva & his mother.

• College football players could lose their hotel privileges - for home games. But keeping the kids out of the local Motel 6 could actually be a bad idea.

• Are fantasy sports bad for your relationships? Well, in Texas, it can certainly be bad for your health.

Read more…

Eagles Fans: Odd Ways Of Expressing Themselves

From Enrico of THE 700 LEVEL. Maybe the tagger just turned out to be a Jessica Simpson fan.

Mural of Mike Vick choking out dog with Cowboys jersey on

Dude might also consider not tracing Ray Lewis’ face next time.

Thou Shalt Not Use Tebow’s Name In Vain Promos

• What Would Tim Tebow Do? Apparently sue you for using him as the basis for a minor league promotional night.

Tim Tebow with hot girls

(Saint Tebow with a pair of heavenly disciples - and before you ask, no, neither of them is Lucy Pinder)

Michael Vick makes his Philadelphia Eagles debut. Let the circus begin!

• Pass the earplugs: John Daly is in Nashville working on a studio album.

• Did Jessica Simpson place a curse on Tony Romo for trying to mack on her girlfriends?

• The Houston Texans are taking a strong stand against excessive alcohol consumption - by serving their gameday beers in smaller cups.

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Tony Romo Is Drunken & Charming…And Cursed?

When you first heard that superstar power couple Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson had split, you probably thought that was the last you’d have to hear about Simpson on your daily sports blog reads. You might have even thought you’d be able to make it through a Cowboys game without being constantly reminded of Simpson’s existence. You thought you’d be free to continue your loathing of the Cowboys in peace, the way it was meant to be.

Jessica Simpson

(Keep that mouth shut, and everything will be fine)

Yeah, well, guess what, chump? You thought wrong. The Romo/Simpson stories are never going away, and you’re going to suck it up and read them like the man (or woman) you are. Did you hear - Tony was cheating, or at least trying to cheat, on Jessica! And that’s not even the half of it…

Read more…

Week In Review: Erin Andrews Gets Down & Dirty

• Whether you adore her or want to ignore her, Erin Andrews is starting to embrace her popularity more & more - such as posing for a GQ photoshoot.

Erin Andrews GQ 3

• Help wanted: New Mexico football office. Only hot young girls need apply.

• Redskins backup QB Colt Brennan denies reports that he’s Jessica Simpson’s new NFL stud.

Tom Cable shows how rough & tough the Raiders are going to be this season by breaking the jaw of one of his assistant coaches.

• The Dodgers turn to Snoop Dogg to help sell tickets. Fo’ shizzle.

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Lobos Football Only Hiring Good-Looking Ladies?

• An ex-University of New Mexico employee sues the football department, claiming that the Lobos are only looking to employ lovely young ladies.

New Mexico is sexy bikini

(“Hey, that bikini is in our school colors! You’re hired!”)

• South Africa can’t seem to give World Cup tickets away, but they’re going to try anyway.

• Washington Nationals broadcasters take some on-air time lambasting Scott Boras and his high-priced client, Stephen Strasburg.

• Speaking of D.C., Redskins backup QB Colt Brennan denies hooking up with Jessica Simpson. Hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes, Colt.

Brendan Haywood doesn’t think much of Stephon Marbury’s latest online entertainment, but does think he might be gay.

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Colt Brennan Denies Hookup with Jessica Simpson

I have a feeling you’ll take this news the same way you did when you found out that Alex Rodriguez broke up with Madonna; or that James Brown wears a hairpiece … Colt Brennan is denying reports that he’s romantically involved with Jessica Simpson. The Redskins’ third-string quarterback is pleading ignorance over the whole thing, which is good for the Redskins I suppose, but bad for STAR MAGAZINE, which started the whole thing last week.

Colt Brennan, Jessica Simpson

Brennan, the former University of Hawaii star, has other things to worry about, however. In denying his involvement with Tony Romo’s ex-girlfriend, he referred to teammate Chris Cooley as his “life coach.” That’s troubling on several different levels.

Read more…

Is Jessica Simpson Corrupting Colt Brennan Now?

Get ready, Redskins fans. The Dallas Cowboys’ burden has now been shifted to you, apparently. Ex-Tony Romo girlfriend Jessica Simpson is, according to one source, dating none other than Washington quarterback Colt Brennan. Will the Nation’s Capital survive? Will Congress have to get involved? This can’t be good for anyone.

Jessica Simpson Colt Brennan

STAR MAGAZINE, a totally unimpeachable source in matters such as these, is reporting that the former University of Hawaii star and Simpson have not only set up mutual web cams (awww …), but Brennan has “Fed-Exed her a Redskins jersey.” Hoo boy. Here we go again. Read more…

Speed Read: “Desperate” Plax Faces Grand Jury

As we speak, Plaxico Burress is preparing to testify before a grand jury in Manhattan about shooting himself in the leg last year. And those of you with some familiarity with the legal system might have this reaction to that news: uhhh, wha?

Plaxico Burress

(”I saved the world from having to deal with 19-0. Doesn’t that count for something?”)

In a move that ESPN’s Lester Munson is calling “desperate” and “highly unusual,” Burress will subject himself to questioning in an effort to get the grand jury to consider lesser charges than the felony that is currently on the table. It’s rare for a lawyer to allow this to happen because it can backfire in so many ways. For one, Plax has to be very careful about what he says. If any statement he makes ends up not being true, he could find a perjury charge added to whatever else he’s facing. And, since the prosecutors can ask anything they want, if Burress is forthcoming with every detail, he could basically end up admitting his guilt. Although, as one ESPN commenter noted, Burress really only needs to be asked three questions:

1. Did you have a gun in your possession when you shot yourself?
2. Do you have a permit to have that gun?
3. Do you have a permit to carry a concealed weapon in New York?

If the answer is “yes” to #1 and “no” to the other two questions, that’s basically all they need to make their decision.

Lester Munson

(Things aren’t going well if this guy’s talking about you)

So why do it? Munson and fellow analyst Roger Cossack seem to think that Burress’ lawer, Benjamin Brafman, might be using this as a means to encourage a plea bargain. But Munson says that they don’t have any leverage here, since they’re the ones facing all the downside related to Burress’ testimony. The term “bluff” is being thrown around, but what’s the bluff? Why would the D.A. be worried about Plax testifying?

The only reasonable theory being offered is that maybe Plax can charm the jurors into thinking he’s a good guy who didn’t know the law and just wanted to protect himself. But he’ll have to do all of this without his lawyer, who won’t be allowed into the courtroom.

On Monday, Manhattan D.A. Jack McCoy Robert Morgenthau spoke publicly about the case, saying that Plax was OK with doing a year in jail, but that the people won’t accept a deal that involves less than two years in the clink. Morgenthau even suggested that he’s looking at charging Antonio Pierce for his role in the incident, something Cossack claims was “out of bounds” for the D.A. to talk about publicly, and certainly meant to bait Burress into a deal.

None of this looks particularly good, and one wonders if that two-year deal from the D.A. is still on the table. And I think it’s safe to say it would be the worst two-year deal any NFL free agent would be signing this year.

Robert Morgenthau

(When the guy with the huge ears says you’re doing time, you’re doing time)

Mark Buehrle made his first start since his perfect game, and for an hour and a half or so at the Metrodome, the awesome gift-giver looked like he might have a legitimate shot at the utterly unthinkable. Buehrle retired the first 17 Twins he faced on Tuesday night, before it finally all fell apart and he gave up five runs and five hits.

Despite the eventual unraveling, Buehrle set a major league record by sending down 45 consecutive batters. That’s 15 consecutive innings without allowing a baserunner. The previous record was 41, held by two players, including Buehrle’s teammate, Bobby Jenks (who did it in three-batter increments as a closer).

Mark Buehrle White Sox

Elsewhere around baseball, Ichiro did something he’d never done before — end a game with a hit. That’s right, none of his previous 1,952 hits were of the walk-off variety, by far the longest such active streak in baseball. To give you an idea, Alex Cora now holds the active record for most hits without a walk-off at 742.

Ichiro Suzuki Seattle Mariners

(”You know, maybe if you didn’t have Yuniesky Betancourt hitting in front of me for four years I would’ve done it once or twice.”)

It’s been a good year for the Dodgers, but things took a turn for the embarrassing when Mark Loretta had to come on to pitch with two outs in the eighth inning at L.A. trailing 10-0 to the Cardinals. Loretta was the first position player to pitch in a game for the Dodgers since 2004, and after drilling Matt Holliday with a fastball he got Ryan Ludwick to fly out to end the inning. In other words, he did way better than Chien-Ming Wang had done this year. The Yankees finally Old Yellered him and are sending him to have surgery that can’t possibly make him any worse. Wang’s future with the Yanks is in doubt, as the team must offer him at least $4 million to keep him next year or lose him to free agency.

Chien-Ming Wang  cheerleader

Jessica Simpson is no longer welcome in Tony Romo’s neighborhood. She’s taking the high road, though, by not asking Romo to give her back the boat she bought him.

• Maryland football coach Ralph Friedgen isn’t anywhere near the man he used to be. He’s much less. 95 pounds worth, to be exact.

• Because everyone’s been asking for it, here are those long-awaited highlights of the touch football game played by NFL legends before Super Bowl X in 1976. If you’ve ever wanted to see Paul Hornung make a gay joke, watch a bunch of guys try and cop a feel on Phyllis George, and hear why Johnny Unitas likes to drive Pontiacs, look no further:

As you can see, Bill Murray and Christopher Guest had nowhere to go but up.

• OK, Jason Marquis has been pretty good this year, but the DENVER POST’s Mark Kiszla has to settle down. Kiszla says that because Marquis has been on a heater for 19 starts this year that he deserves a long-term contract from the Rockies. Because those other nine years Marquis pitched must have been some kind of aberration.

• BASKETBAWFUL wonders why it’s so hard to keep score of a pickup basketball game, despite using the theoretically easier 1-point/2-point scoring system.

• DEADSPIN has the strangest overreaction to the whole Erin Andrews mess that has been published so far.

• Yes, this is in fact Garth Brooks tossing a coin into his own face before an international soccer match (TMZ is covering something other than Michael Jackson these days):

Garth Brooks tossing coin into own face

Homeless man starts passing notes to Mario Lemieux and Sidney Crosby. Penguins win Stanley Cup. Coincidence?

• The Cowboys will play at the Chiefs on October 11th in Kansas City, and the home team will be wearing a helmet with a big picture of Texas on it.

Vin Scully has announced that next season — his 61st as broadcaster for the Dodgers — will be his last.

• And just because we can, here’s some pictures of Anna Kournikova and Martina Hingis getting ready to kiss each other:

Anna Kournikova and Martina Hingis

Anna Kournikova and Martina Hingis