Steelers Fans: Let Jeff Reed Take Your Edge Off

Tough day (again) for Steelers fans, so I’ll leave it to Jeff Reed (who else?!) lighten the mood:

Jeff Reed and Green Guy at Penguins Game

How does Donnie Shell keep the weight off?

Jeff Reed Nails FGs, Gets Nailed For Public Intox

Our old friend Jeff Reed is back in the news, and once again, it’s for the type of reasons you never want to have associated with a program. In Pittsburgh, just hours after hitting both of his field goal attempts in the Steelers’ 27-14 victory over the Cleveland Browns, Reed was cited and “technically arrested” - he never actually went to jail, thanks to a family member at the scene - by police for public intox and other related charges.

Jeff Reed Public Intox Public Urination
(He seemed like such a sober fellow.)

Why, then, would such an incident happen? Towel dispensers aside, Reed seems like a happy drunk, and certainly one who wouldn’t earn a public intox charge (which really ought to be renamed “public drunk a$$hole in the vicinity of a police officer”) - to say nothing of disorderly conduct and two other misdemeanors. Well, that Steelers teammate urinating in public nearby probably has something to do with it.

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Speed Read: An Evening Of Florida Pillow-Fighting

Normally, you don’t see a broadcast booth spend a plurality of a football game raving about the “time of possession” statistic. Then again, normally, you don’t see a team win said battle by a full 30 minutes of game time, which is precisely what Miami did to Indianapolis last night. And then again, you don’t normally see a team control the ball for fewer than 15 minutes of the game… and win anyway.

Pierre Garcon gets two thumbs down
(”Okay, so you just scored the go-ahead touchdown. Allow me to retort: BOOOO THUMBS DOWN TO YOU BOOOOOOO!”)

But lo and behold, thanks to the quickest of quick-strike offenses, the Colts did exactly that; thanks to touchdown drives of 1, 6, and 4 plays, Indianapolis prevailed in Miami, 27-23. Indeed, the Colts’ longest drive of the night was a 9-play drive that led to a 2nd quarter field goal; on the other side of the field, the Fins had exactly one shorter drive: an 8-play, 25-yard drive that ended in a punt. After that, literally every drive of theirs was 9 plays or longer. That’s the longest shortest drive since [ERROR WE ARE NOT ELIAS SPORTS BUREAU CLIENTS ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?].

Ah, but without turnovers, time of possession is effectively meaningless. Read more…

Video: Jeff Reed Crying On The Steeler Sideline?

It’s a good thing Jeff Reed has done some good things in his career with the Steelers, because he was flat-out brutal in the fourth quarter of today’s 17-14 loss to the Bears in Chicago. Reed missed two field goals in the period, then looked like he was crying on the sideline as Chicago’s Robbie Gould connected on the game-winner with seconds remaining. Dude needs a hug:

Jeff Reed

It’s alright, buddy. You came through last week. It doesn’t always happen for you. You’re going to be…wait, this is football, quit your bawlin’!

Videos-a-plenty after the jump.

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Speed Read: Steelers Salvage Opening Night Win

If anyone wanted to know the difference between college football and the NFL, you just needed to watch the two games last night. (At least the two that anyone cared about - sorry, Florda A&M at Winston-Salem State on ESPNU.) If you like offense, crazy plays and wild comebacks, then the Clemson at Georgia Tech game was for you. But if you prefer low-scoring, hard-hitting football that’s kind of not very exciting until the final five minutes, then the NFL kickoff game between Pittsburgh and Tennessee was for you. (Sorry, is my bias showing?)

Steelers vs Titans

First let’s talk about the Steelers’ 13-10 overtime victory. Plainly put, Pittsburgh had no reason to win this game. They could not run the ball, gaining a whopping 33 yards. (Note to the guy in my fantasy league bragging about “stealing” Rashard Mendenhall: eat it.) And between Jeff Reed almost shanking the game-tying 32-yard field goal into the offensive line’s backsides and Hines Ward fumbling after a reception took him inside the Titans’ five with a minute to go, they were teetering on disaster. Read more…

Jeff Reed Arrested For Towel Dispenser Attack

Steelers kicker Jeff Reed is known for being eccentric and slightly over the top when it comes to crime and or debauchery. If you need convincing, just look at his hair at any time. For Reed, his ‘do is always an apt metaphor for his personality; whether it’s bleached blond or just completely unruly, it always seems to show as little control as he does.

Jeff Reed drunk

That’s precisely why, despite it’s bizarre nature, his latest crime isn’t all that surprising. According to the PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW, Reed was frustrated that a paper towel dispenser in the bathroom of a Sheetz (basically, the unnatural love child of a Subway and a 7-Eleven) was empty, and decided to take out said frustration on the machine itself. He then hurled as many obscenities as possible in the general direction of the store’s cashiers and onlookers outside.

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Phelps Gets Motivated; Glenn Gets All Messed Up

Michael Phelps - from marijuana smoker to motivational speaker. Maybe he can motivate himself not to skip the 2012 Olympics.

Michael Phelps Terry Glenn

• And Mike should have a talk with Terry Glenn, the ex-Dallas Cowboy who was taken in for wandering high & naked through the halls of a hotel.

• As if sports agents weren’t sleazy enough, now they’re getting caught collecting child porn.

LeBron James doubles his pleasure & triples his fun by going off in a 52-point performance at MSG Wednesday night.

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SbB Clever Caption Contest: Jeff Reed, Puckhead

Hey, readers! Time for another invigorating SbB Clever Caption Contest!

Today we feature Pittsburgh Steelers kicker and SbB fave Jeff Reed, who sobered up enough (maybe) from all the post-Super Bowl partying to put in an appearance at Wednesday night’s Penguins game:

Jeff Reed Penguins jersey

So, how would you rate Reed & his new fashions? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced with great organ fanfare in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck and good writing! Try to make Mario Lemieux laugh!

Blog-A-Roni: Shaq Moves Into Emmitt’s Old House

Shaq is moving on up, as the ARIZONA REPUBLIC reports that the Big Cactus’ new abode is the former Phoenix residence of Emmitt Smith.

Shaq Emmitt Smith in Phoenix

• TMZ catches Terrell Owens having some ab-solute shirtless fun in Vegas. (Jeff Reed’s been there, done that.)

• The CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER doesn’t relish members of Progressive Field’s condiment race being kicked out of the Indians’ training room.

• Tom Ziller of AOL FANHOUSE grooves to the news that Larry Bird likes him some Beyonce.

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Jeff Reed Shows Off More Shirtless Fun In Vegas

Jeff Reed is at it again. Everyone’s favorite shirtless Steelers kicker has shown up in some more scintillating snapshots. This time, KISSING SUZY KOLBER catches the clown prince of kicking chilling in Vegas, complete with royal headgear:

Jeff Reed shirtless tiara bib

More fun photos of Jeff’s desert jaunt after the jump. Read more…