NASCAR Track Secedes from Smoking Union

Tennessee recently passed the Non-Smoker Protection Act, preventing people from lighting up in public places. These places include the homes of the Titans, the University of Tennessee, and Bristol Motor Speedway. The one-time home of many Winston Cup races now has to butt in and ask patrons to extinguish the cancer sticks and enjoy the exhaust fumes from the race instead.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. peels out

(No, Junior! Stop! You’ll get a citation!)

Of course, this change isn’t sitting well with patrons that have watched the cars become safer, the sponsors become tamer, and the excessive drinking become slightly less excessive. The community hedonism and dangerous lifestyle of a NASCAR fan might well be a trip to Disney World with Jeff Gordon as the little mouse that could.
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New York NASCAR Event Causes Worse Traffic Than Normal

BIG APPLE DRIVERS SOURED OVER NASCAR TRAFFIC JAM: New York commuters were taken for a ride, as a NASCAR appearance backed up traffic even worse than usual:

NASCAR New York

The NEW YORK POST reports Manhattan motorists were delayed by over an hour Wednesday morning, as NASCAR held its Victory Lap promotion. Drivers like Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson wound their way through Midtown, closing off streets to other vehicles trying to get to work.The event also took place on the same day as the annual lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, adding to the city’s gridlock woes.


Of course, the drivers didn’t seem to mind. The SAVANNAH (GA) MORNING NEWS raced down this reaction from Carl Edwards: “It’s neat to be able to drive a race car through downtown New York. That’s pretty cool. It’s cool to see all the people amazed at what’s going on.”And cool to see all the people flipping you off, since you’re holding up traffic.

Jimmie Johnson Wins 4th Straight Race Since Donating Winnings to Wildfire Victims

JOHNSON GENEROSITY JUMPS JIMMIE TO NEXTEL CUP TITLE: Instant karma’s gonna get you, Jimmie Johnson.

Jimmie Johnson belt

We earlier wrote how the NASCAR racer and SoCal native would be donating his Atlanta race winnings to the Red Cross in order to help California wildfire victims.Since his generous guarantee, Johnson has now won 4 straight races, including Sunday’s Checker Auto Parts 500 in Phoenix.

Jimmie Johnson Jeff Gordon cars

The victory helped Johnson open an 86-point lead over Jeff Gordon in the Nextel Cup standing. Barring a collapse or cool collision, Jimmie should be able to clinch his second consecutive championship next Sunday in Miami.Paying it forward seems to be paying off for JJ. Dy-no-mite!

Dont Forget Your Shots Before Attending a NASCAR Race

IMMUNIZATIONS HELPFUL AGAINST TALLADEGA TETANUS: You can pick up a lot of things at a NASCAR event - cold beers, flying car parts, contagious diseases:

NASCAR vaccinations


DEADSPIN puts on a mask, as they report members of Congress taking shots before taking in the weekend races. Not shots of Jack Daniels or Wild Turkey, mind you, but of vaccines against hepatitis, tetanus and influenza.

The House Homeland Security Committee was planning to heading out to Concord, NC, and Talladega, AL, to catch the Bank of America 500 and UAW-Ford 500. However, staff organizing the trips warned the committee they could be catching a lot more than a nice tan.

Talladega Nights Shake 'n' Bake


The plan was part of a “fact-finding mission” to gauge “public health preparedeness at mass gatherings.”

Great. Senator So-and-So goes off to get drunk and yell obscenities at Jeff Gordon - all with our tax dollars!

The CHARLOTTE OBSERVER notes some people are just sick over the shot-taking news. Rep. Robin Hayes of Concord was personally offended by the precautions: “I feel compelled to ask why the heck the committee feels that immunizations are needed to travel to my hometown.”

Rednecks toilet cover confederate bikini


(Insert your own Southern redneck/hillbilly disease-ridden incest-practicing joke here.)

Lebron James Attempts To Entertain Us All on Saturday Night Live

• As LeBron gets ready to host “Saturday Night Live” (is that show still on?), Jeff Gordon of FOX SPORTS races in to tell these celebrity athletes, “Don’t quit your day job“:

Shaq Diesel


• And when King James isn’t starring in lame skits, he’s teaming up with Russian racketeer Maria Sharapova to help fight poverty.

• STORMING THE FLOOR gives away news that NBA star Carmelo Anthony is in a charitable mood these days.

• FAN IQ has their boogie fever bought out, as Chad Johnson’s next end zone dance will be brought to you by GoDaddy:

Chad Johnson GoDaddy girl


• Speaking of Ocho Cinco, we finally have a winner in his Yahoo-sponsored Touchdown Celebration Showdown.

• ALL-AMERICAN PATRIOTS quenches our thirst, as Kevin Durant becomes the first-ever NBA rookie to sign a deal with Gatorade.

• MR. IRRELEVANT feels the anger rising within, as Redskins RB Clinton Portis just wants the damn ball:

Clinton Portis wig


• FIRE JOE MORGAN doesn’t find it Natural that the Rangers would play that song after a Sammy Sosa homer.

• RUMORS AND RANTS just won’t let some things go, as Vince Young is still miffed about not winning the Heisman.

• With the NBA season not too far away, THE BLOWTORCH pays tribute to the finest basketball stashes ’staches:

Basketball mustache


• CAN’T STOP THE BLEEDING gets the poop on the pigeon problem at Paul Brown Stadium.

• These just won’t stop: AZ SPORTS HUB finds the latest “Leave Britney Alone!!!” video spoof - this time, in support of benched Bears QB Rex Grossman.

Mark Cuban Good Leader Whiffleball Drinking Game

• FLORIDA TODAY reports the Fort Myers Miracle baseball team will host a “Billy Donovan Night”, where fans can negotiate their way out of their ticket purchase: