Five Count: Kidd Forgets To Pick Up Dribble, Again

A NBA media source told me today that Jason Kidd missed the Mavericks’ dismantling of the Knicks Sunday to attend the birth of his fifth child.

Jason Kidd's new baby mama: Porschla Coleman

(Looking for the word? Let me help you: “Discriminating”)

This time for Kidd the baby mama roulette wheel stopped on the former longtime girlfriend of Russell Simmons, Porschla Coleman.

Speed Read: Yesterday Brought To You By Gillette

While Brooks and the rest of the SbB crew worked hard to get you the very latest on the Steve McNair murder, Sunday turned out to be a pretty big day for three of the world’s biggest athletes — who just happened to have co-starred in the “Citizen Kane” of awkward athlete endorsement campaigns.

Tiger Federer Jeter

That’s right, now that Thierry Henry has been booted from the Gillette posse (at least in America), all three razor-wielding superstars had pretty huge days.

First, Roger Federer made history by winning his 15th Grand Slam title in a crazy five-set win at Wimbledon over Andy Roddick. Pete Sampras was in the audience, taking in the match as only Sampras could — puking his guts out on the sideline looking bored out of his gourd. The 30-game fifth set was the longest in Slam history by a full 10 games. The final game was the only time Federer broke Roddick’s serve the entire match. Only Roddick’s inability to put away four set points in a second-set tiebreak kept him from pulling off the huge upset.

Federer and Sampras

As Federer was accepting his trophy, Tiger Woods was getting ready to tee off in the final round at the AT&T National, which he hosts. I’m not sure I understand the “host” thing, is that like when Heidi and Spencer “host” a party at PURE? He started the day in a tie with defending champion Anthony Kim, but soon found himself needing to keep up with Hunter Mahan, who started well back but fired a 62 to zoom all the way to the top of the leaderboard. Tiger drained a 20-footer on the 16th hole to take the lead, and he got to the clubhouse with two easy pars to wrap up his 68th PGA Tour win. And he interviewed himself afterward. I have to give him credit, though, as it was the first time the questions in a Tiger interview were as boring as the answers.

Jimmy Fallon and Tiger Woods

(I’m sure that losing to this guy in anything would be enough motivation to win whatever you were doing next)

Meanwhile, at Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter was trying his best to hold up his end of the bargain in a measly regular-season game. But he came through with a four-hit day, including what turned out to be the game-winning home run in the bottom of the fifth inning of a 10-8 win over the Blue Jays. Better yet for DJ, he was officially named the starting shortstop for the AL All-Star team when the rosters were announced later in the afternoon.

Derek Jeter

Jeter got more votes than anyone else in the AL, but is joined in the starting lineup by just one other Yankee — first baseman Mark Teixeira. A-Rod is nowhere to be seen, with Evan Longoria getting the starting nod instead. Josh Hamilton was voted into the starting lineup despite missing all of June with an injury, and this year’s recipient of the Lance Carter Memorial “Who?” Award is Oakland reliever Andrew Bailey, who is a fine pitcher but a guy even baseball fans would be hard pressed to tell you anything about. And while it looks like manager Joe Maddon pulled some homerism by adding Jason Bartlett, Carl Crawford, and Ben Zobrist to the team, all three of those guys are having huge years. And yes, if you’re scoring at home, Zobrist is the last All-Star ever, alphabetically speaking. The other big story is that of 42-year-old Tim Wakefield, who surprisingly has never been an All-Star until now. And congrats to the Royals for producing an actual All-Star this year, rather than their usual token “we gotta put someone on the team” guy.

The NL team is headlined by Albert Pujols, who received the second-most votes ever (only Ken Griffey Jr. got more, in 1994). At age 37, Raul Ibanez is an All-Star for the first time, and has been voted in as a starter. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s probably not going to be able to play. Nor is fellow outfielder Carlos Beltran. That means that reserves Hunter Pence and Brad Hawpe are likely to be out there when the game starts. No true no-name on the roster, as even Pittsburgh’s representative — Freddy Sanchez — is fairly deserving of his spot.

Full rosters can be found here. And there is now voting going on at MLB.COM for the final roster spots. Vote Kung Fu Panda!

Pablo Sandoval

(This fat man should be an All-Star)

• If you click on only one link today, read this story in the L.A. TIMES about Zac Sunderland, a 17-year-old kid who is nearing the end of a solo circumnavigation of the world on a sailboat. Pirates, broken sails on the open seas, armed police escorts in New Guinea. It’s safe to say he had a more eventful year than the rest of us.

Rasheed Wallace is going to be casting ill-advised 26-footers for the Celtics next year, meaning Big Baby Davis is probably on his way out. And Jason Kidd is about to get overpaid by Mark Cuban (enjoy 39-year-old Kidd at $8+ million in 2012, Dallas)

• POLITICO says that Sarah Palin’s lawyer has fired a warning shot to the media in order to squash lingering rumors that Palin awarded the contract for constructing a sports arena in Wasilla (where she was mayor at the time) with the understanding that the same company would build her a house. In other news, the Phoenix Coyotes have just announced they are moving to Wasilla.

• SPORTS RUBBISH has video of the most crucial moment in yesterday’s Wimbledon final. What? Tennis? No, it’s Andy Roddick’s brother searching for a snack inside his own nose:

• I gotta admit, I just don’t really get the Tour de France. One guy clearly won today, but somehow everyone except two guys (that’s like 178 people) were credited with the same time. Hey, but at least Jussi Veikkanen is finally wearing the red polka-dotted jersey!

• OK, there was something called the “Junior World Football Championships” going on for the last week, and you’re not going to believe this — but the USA won. Shocking, considering our boys had to take down the likes of France, Mexico, and Canada (which they did by a cumulative score of 174-3). Next time, in an effort to even the playing field and give other countries a fighting chance, the U.S. is just going to send Washington State’s football team instead (they might be able to beat Sweden).

Beavis would be excited by the news that a man in Scotland set a world record by running nearly 100 yards while on fire (and people complain that eating a bunch of hot dogs is bizarre?). And yes, I am aware that 1994 has called and wants its cultural reference back.

Man running on fire

Ryan Braun is an All-Star, which I guess gives him the green light to talk about how much the Brewers’ starting pitchers suck.

•  That fan who says J.C. Romero “assaulted” him at a Rays-Phillies game last week should be thrilled he doesn’t live in Colombia. There, the athletes just shoot and kill fans who heckle them.

• The city of St. Louis thinks it can tax the bonuses All-Stars receive for appearing in the game at Busch Stadium, but the POST-DISPATCH says that won’t fly if players can prove that their bonus was earned from their previous play outside of the city’s jurisdiction, and not for simply appearing at the game.

• Sure, losing 16-14 in the fifth set of the biggest tournament of your life is pretty brutal, but don’t feel too sorry for Andy Roddick. He has a pretty nice shoulder to cry on:

Brooklyn Decker

Would you rather have 15 Grand Slam titles, or have 1 and be married to Brooklyn Decker?

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Did Cuban Toss Shaq Flare in Cuban-Owned Blog?

As a new media owner of the first order, Mark Cuban can blend old media manipulation tricks with new ones better than anyone. Remember his ill-fated bid for the Chicago Cubs? That’s old-school media manipulation. Letting slip that he has a Think System that proves Jason Kidd is the second-best player in the NBA? That’s a blended approach; math is apparently new.

mark cuban laughing

Earning fines via Twitter?  New media manipulation with a dash of old school “did he mention the hot topic of Twitter? OMG NEWS STORY”. And so on. Therefore, Mark Cuban will have to excuse the humble new media when a hot rumor/trade temperature check appears in a blog owned by Cuban’s limited partnership, and BRIGHT SIDE OF THE SUN is a little skeptical.

Read more…

Kidd’s Girlfriend Puts On Body Paint For Playboy

Does the name Hope Dworaczyk ring a bell? (Or give you a headache from trying to spell or pronounce her last name?) She’s the aspiring model Jason Kidd turned to after his nasty divorce from wife Joumana. But after supposedly knocking her up, Jason gave up Hope and started messing around with Danish model May Anderson - until Kidd heard she was lounging around with Lindsay Lohan.

Hope Dworaczyk Playboy

Now Jason is apparently back with Ms. Dworaczyk. And by looking at her latest spread in Playboy, I would never want to give up Hope again, either. She’s featured in this month’s issue decked out in a skimpy Mavericks-eque outfit. How skimpy is it? There’s no clothing at all - just body paint.

More photos brushed up after the jump.

Read more…

Dirk Nowitzki Rips Avery Johnson, Shawn Bradley

Much like Bill Murray’s character in “Lost in Translation,” many celebrities think that the embarrassing commercials they do in foreign countries won’t see the light of day, only to see it pop up on the Internet. The same theory seems to apply to foreign athletes, who have a tendency to give extremely candid interviews to the media in their home country without thinking that it will see the light of day in the U.S.

Dirk Nowitzki

Add Dirk Nowitzki to the list. He gave a very open and revealing interview to the German basketball magazine 5IVE MAGAZINE, where he criticizes former teammates, his former coach, and speculates on playing for another team - maybe even in Europe.  And the whole thing might have gone unnoticed here in the States if the intrepid Henry Abbott of TRUEHOOP hadn’t have found it.

Read more…

Devin Harris’ New (Nude) GF Looks Like A Keeper

Devin Harris and Jason Kidd will never be able to do anything without being compared to the other. That’s on the court, as well as off it. Remember when Kidd traded in killjoy ex-wife Joumana Kidd for bikini model Hope Dworaczyk? Harris has one-upped him, dating a girl who would be overdressed in a bikini.

Meghan Allen

The Nets PG’s arm candy is reality star, bartender and Playboy Cyber Playmate Meghan Allen. If you want to know what type of girl we’re dealing with, she’s the type who got 34C implants because “I wanted my clothing to fit better.” Let’s see how that clothing fits, or looks on the floor, after the jump.

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Jason To Give Away Gold Medal? Just Kidding

Remember the piece I posted about Jason Kidd promising to give his gold medal away to Elaine Wynn, the wife of Vegas mogul Steve?

Jason Kidd Joumanna Kid

Here’s a refresher, originally from the ARIZONA REPUBLIC:

“Last summer, we stayed at the Wynn (resort) for a lifetime, close to three weeks,” Kidd said. “We met at a banquet, we got to talking, and she really understands the game. I told her I’d make a deal with her, that if we won the gold medal, I’d give it to her. She thought I was kidding. But I told her I had one already, and the way they treated us at the Wynn, it was the least I could do.”

So now that he’s got the goods, is Jason all set to hand it over to Elaine? Read more…

Jenna Jameson To Enjoy MMA-Made Motherhood

Jenna Jameson happily announces that she’ll soon deliver a new li’l Tito (or Titoette) Ortiz into the world.

Jenna Jameson blowing kiss

(DVD obsolescence would be good for her adolescent)

• Did Tony La Russa stop Bruce Springstreen from stepping on the St. Louis stage on time?

• The FBI is looking into Lindsey Hunter’s involvement in some shady suburban housing shenanigans.

• NBC notes nothing about a gold medal-winning Aussie diver’s alternative lifestyle.

• The LPGA demands that all their players learn to speak English good.

Read more…

Jason Kidd Signs Up With Chinese Shoe Company

We all knew the U.S. Men’s Basketball Team enjoyed its stay in China. Their enthusiastic post-medal celebration gave that much away. But who knew Jason Kidd enjoyed his time this much?

The aging U.S. point guard — now fully entering the twilight of his career — has waved goodbye to American shoe companies. Instead, he’ll endorse Chinese shoe company Peak, which is presumably paying him an incredibly large sum to land a name of his stature.
Read more…

Brog: Kidd To Give Gold To Casino Owner’s Wife?

Dan Bickley has some very weird news today out of Beijing. The ARIZONA REPUBLIC columnist (via AZ SPORTS HUB) reports that Jason Kidd told him he will give his (sure) Gold Medal away to the wife of a Vegas casino owner.

Jason Kidd Joumanna Kid

(Joumana Be Kiddin’ Me!)

More specifically, Elaine Wynn. She’s the wife of billionaire Vegas casino developer Steve Wynn.

Now, if this were Charles Barkley, I think we’d all know the reason why. With Kidd, it’s going to hard to pin down.

So does Kidd own the Wynns money? Is Mrs. Wynn the sufferer of a terminal disease? Is Kidd paying off a debt incurred by some NBA Wives Charity event? No, no and no (apparently). Read more…