PAGE SIX’s spiffy new(?) website shows off photos today of Jason Giambi’s birthday party at the Las Vegas club Body English.

Rappers Chuck D, Flava Flav and Run’s former other half, DMC, were all in attendance. The trio, in town for the ginormous Consumer Electronics Show, also performed together for the first time on stage.

But taking the cake was the … uh … Giambi’s birthday cake, which featured a naked torso of a woman. You might be wondering who the woman is in the photo with Giambi. No, it isn’t his pharmacist. Read more…

MITCH REPORT FINDS ONE LESS STRIPPER GOT MO’S MONEY: Time to curl up with the Mitchell Report!

UPDATE: After now having had time to scan the report, there’s nothing new in there about Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa.Keep in mind that just because players are listed in the report (and as listed below) does not mean that the report concluded that those players took or purchased steroids. In many cases, player names (like, for instance, Jeff Kent) are cited only in reference to media reports. Kent didn’t do anything wrong, but was quoted making a comment about MLB combating the problem of performance enhancing drugs.

Not that we were expecting anything, but the report, besides the Clemens injections, is a letdown. Not much to get excited about. No major superstars implicated (what a surprise!).

Players of note from the Mitchell Report’s “Alleged Internet Purchases of Performance Enhancing Substances By Players in Major League Baseball“:

Jerry Hairston, Jr.
Scott Schoeneweis
Paul Byrd
Matt Williams
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Rick Ankiel
Jose Guillen
John Rocker
Darren Holmes
Gary Matthews, Jr.
Jose Canseco
Jason Grimsley
Ismael Valdez
Steve Woodard

Players of note from the Mitchell Report’s “Information Regarding Purchases or Use of Performance Enhancing Substances by Players in Major League Baseball“:

Roger Clemens
Andy Pettitte
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Matt Herges
Miguel Tejada
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Fernando Vina
Kent Mercker
Mike Lansing
Todd Hundley
Brendan Donnelly
David Segui
Gary Bennett, Jr.
Paul LoDuca
Rondell White
Chuck Knoblauch
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Lenny Dykstra
Kevin Young

NOT in the report:
Albert Pujols
Johnny Damon
Jeff Bagwell
Brady Anderson
Bret Boone
Aaron Boone
Milton Bradley
Carl Everett
Andruw Jones
Manny Ramirez

Here’s the Roger Clemens mentions of note in the Mitchell Report (DEADSPIN has a full-size version):

And finally, we salute our favorite Dodger of all-time:

No, thank YOU Paul (LoDuca)!

• The folks at FARK TV sense some technical foul play with their Tim Donaghy take in “Goodfoulers”:

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS checks their pocket watch so they know when to join Merrill Hoge at 11 O’Cock.

• 100% INJURY RATE looks for the earplugs, as Floyd Mayweather Jr. is ready to sucker-punch the public with a new album.

• THE WIZARD OF ODDS is feeling blue (and gold), as Alaska’s Barrow High School football team gets their own Smurf Turf:

• HALOS HEAVEN was almost too busy reading about the Yankees and Red Sox to notice the Angels’ Garret Anderson complain about East Coast bias.

• TV PREDICTIONS adjusts the contrast, as “World Series of Poker” host Norman Chad wonders why we need to see the 3 of clubs in high-def.

• POP JOCKS spots a heavenly figure, as the Mother Teresa card sells for almost $11,000:

• But don’t worry if you missed out, as EPIC CARNIVAL offers up a signed baseball by those paragons of virtue - Darryl Strawberry & Jason Giambi.

• THE ANGRY T gets off the (Tim) Couch to give us their NFL All-Bust Team.

• SIGNAL TO NOISE sees Kobe turning into Dickie V with his fawning praise of Coack K.:

• Gary West of the FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM goes ape in seeing visions of sports celebrities at the local zoo.

• Nick Saban’s got a group of kids to make him proud, as NBC-13 in Birmimgham reports another Alabama player has been arrested - the 4th within the past 2 months.

BRONX’S BAD ACT: The NEW YORK POST reports Jason Giambi shot a recent cameo in the ESPN miniseries “The Bronx is Burning.”

Makes sense that Giambi had a mere cameo, since Alex Rodriguez obviously is playing the lead.

Whenever a hypocritical sports figure needs to be exposed, FIRE JOE MORGAN is there. And they’ve come through yet again, this time calling out The Captain.

Derek Jeter on Jason Giambi in 2005: When Jason Giambi was booed so loudly, Bob Sheppard, the Voice of the Yankees, couldn’t announce the next hitter, Jeter implored Yankees fans to stop booing his teammate.

“The fans have to start cheering for him. If you’re a Yankee fan, you want us to win and we need Jason.”

Derek Jeter on A-Rod in 2006: “I said the only thing I wasn’t going to do was tell the fans who they should boo and who they shouldn’t boo… it’s not your job to say, ‘Hey, everybody should stop booing.’”

If only Rodriguez would openly apologize for that Esquire article. The frost would thaw, Jeter could start defending him, and the duo could get back to posing for gay Miami singles websites again.

Many athletic associations have banned gene doping/gene therapy, a technology that works to increase musculature, endurance, and agility in humans.

But now that scientists at Dartmouth have perfected gene doping in mice, genetic engineering in humans and the inevitable acceptance by the sporting community may not be far behind.

Just think, forty-years from now, a new crop of athletes will be earning their asterisks and we’ll be reminiscing about the good old days when cheating reprobates like Barroids, Jason Giambi, and Marion Jones had to actually exercise before developing an advantage.

Jack Curry of the NEW YORK TIMES examines defensive shifts employed against some of MLB’s top lefty hitters, including Jason Giambi, Jim Thome and David Ortiz, who believes the realignment has cost him 40 points on his batting average.