Diego Maradona recently took a trip to Italy, where the former soccer star & current Argentina coach checked himself into a weight-loss clinic. But it was more than unsightly pounds Diego managed to lose during his visit - he also lost his earrings.

However, Maradona didn’t displace them - the earrings were actually seized by Italian police. So why would local law enforcement be interested in taking a man’s head jewelry? Because he owes the country money.

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When the Egyptian soccer team lost $2,400 dollars from a few players’ rooms in South Africa a couple days ago, the head of Egypt’s delegation was unusually quick to lay the blame on the players themselves and not on the host country of the Confederations Cup: “There was some negligence on the players’ part, leaving the money in drawers, and they’ll be getting firm instructions for next time.”

(”Now go back to your room with no prostitutes!”)

Now we may know why: the players might have been getting firm instructions from prostitutes hired after their tremendous upset win over powerhouse Italy and left their drawers down while the female sex workers made off with their cash in a robbery.  Well, that’s better; it’s not a security problem but an entirely different kind of crime.  See you next year, World Cup fans; bring extra cash for our hookers to steal from you!

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Congratulations to Egypt, who pulled off the shock of the Confederations Cup in South Africa yesterday by beating current world champions Italy 1-0 in a group stage match. It was an historic win for Egypt specifically and African soccer in general, as the victory proved that teams from Africa can compete with - and beat - the best teams in the world.

But despite the result, five unnamed members of the Egyptian national team were pretty big losers yesterday. Why? Because as the BBC reports, they had their hotel robbed and about $2,400 in cash stolen while they were playing in the biggest match of their lives. Whoops! Looks like South African officials still have a few kinks to work out before they host the World Cup next year.

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Hurricane Ike caused a lot of damage when it struck on the Gulf coast, costing many people their homes, and for some, even their livelihoods. Still, I don’t think any of us knew the real extent of the damage done by Hurricane Ike until right now.

Former NBA star and three-time Father of the Year Shawn Kemp had recently made plans to return to basketball, and signed a one-year contract with Montegranaro Premiata, a team in Italy. Kemp had been practicing with the team for nine days, and had played in three preseason games before heading back to the States to check on his home in Houston. Now, after seeing the damage, there’s just no way Shawn can return to Italy to play this season.

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TURKISH LAWYER CROSS ABOUT ITALIAN TEAM’S UNIFORMS: A Turkish soccer team is cross about the uniforms worn by an Italian opponent, and as a result, want the game results thrown out:

DHIMMI WATCH kicks over this story from GOAL.COM, where Turkey club Fenerbahce wants their 3-0 loss to Inter Milan stricken from the record because the Italians’ jerseys were offensive to Muslim fans.Milan’s uniforms featured a big red cross over a white background, displayed as a symbol of the Italian city. The ‘centenary’ clothing is a special occasion shirt honoring the club’s 100th year of existence.

When the two squads met eariler in Istanbul, Inter Milan did not sport the cross-bearing unis. But for the return home match, the Italians saw no problem in showing some civic pride.However, a Turkish laywer argues that the cross reminds Muslim fans of the Knights Templar, a Christian military order during the Crusades - and such imagery is considered offensive to Islamic culture.

The lawyer is now petitioning the UEFA to wave off Inter’s Champions League victory. Wonder if there would be such a religious ruckus had the Turks won the game instead.

FINS LB LEARNS HE CAN LEAVE HIS PHRASEBOOKS @ HOME: A Dolphins player worried about the team’s trip to London can put his fears to rest - they do speak English there:

The PALM BEACH POST translates news that LB Channing Crowder confessed he didn’t know what to expect when the ‘Fins took off for across the pond: “I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is.”

The only London that Crowder knows anything about plays with the Redskins:

“I know London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

But if the NFL decides to schedule an upcoming game in Rome, Channing is ready:

“I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.”