Dolphins Take Their Time, But Colts Take The Win

• The Dolphins held the ball for more than 30 minutes longer than the Colts, but it was Peyton Manning & Co. who left Land Shark Stadium with a 27-23 win on Monday night.

Peyton Manning Dolphins

• It’s a Twitter trifecta: First, Redskins rookie LB Robert Henson takes “dim wit” Washington fans to task for booing at FedEx Field.

• Then Marcus Fitzgerald bitches on behalf of brother Larry about the lack of catches the Cardinals WR is getting.

• And Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema admits that one of his scouting techniques is following the Tweets of opposing players.

• A South Carolina man is sentenced to life in prison without parole for the vicious stabbing death of a high school cheerleader.

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Speed Read: An Evening Of Florida Pillow-Fighting

Normally, you don’t see a broadcast booth spend a plurality of a football game raving about the “time of possession” statistic. Then again, normally, you don’t see a team win said battle by a full 30 minutes of game time, which is precisely what Miami did to Indianapolis last night. And then again, you don’t normally see a team control the ball for fewer than 15 minutes of the game… and win anyway.

Pierre Garcon gets two thumbs down
(”Okay, so you just scored the go-ahead touchdown. Allow me to retort: BOOOO THUMBS DOWN TO YOU BOOOOOOO!”)

But lo and behold, thanks to the quickest of quick-strike offenses, the Colts did exactly that; thanks to touchdown drives of 1, 6, and 4 plays, Indianapolis prevailed in Miami, 27-23. Indeed, the Colts’ longest drive of the night was a 9-play drive that led to a 2nd quarter field goal; on the other side of the field, the Fins had exactly one shorter drive: an 8-play, 25-yard drive that ended in a punt. After that, literally every drive of theirs was 9 plays or longer. That’s the longest shortest drive since [ERROR WE ARE NOT ELIAS SPORTS BUREAU CLIENTS ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?].

Ah, but without turnovers, time of possession is effectively meaningless. Read more…

Fuming Fielder Attempts To Attack LA Clubhouse

Prince Fielder gets royally p.o.’ed at Guillermo Mota for plunking him, then tries to crash the Dodgers’ clubhouse after the game.

Prince Fielder

(Look out! Here he comes!)

• Tulsa, Oklahoma, has hopes to host the 2020 Olympics. If they can get a spokesperson like Katarina Witt, then we might just listen.

Reggie Wayne comes to Colts camp in a dump truck & decked out in construction worker gear. Your move, Clinton Portis.

• The NHL plans to suspend & not pay any players who get hurt during any Olympic summer training camp.

Frank Deford dresses down ESPN, calling the Worldwide Leader a “journalistic disgrace“.

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Reggie Wayne’s Metaphors Get More Confusing

Poor Clinton Portis — he had this schtick all ready to go for Week 3. Now he’ll have to scrap it, because Reggie Wayne showed up to Colts training camp on Sunday in construction worker’s gear, driving a dump truck. Wayne’s message? It’s time to get to work on construction of the road to the Super Bowl.

Reggie Wayne

Of course, knowing state highway construction workers like I do, it could also mean “We’ve spent three years building this overpass and we’re still not done.” Will the Colts also take two hour lunch breaks, the second hour of which they’ll be charging double overtime? The answer is unclear. Read more…

Shooting Victim Says Harrison Hired The Gunman

All right Captain Renault, time to round up the usual suspects. Dwight Dixon is the rather large man on the right, below, who sued former Indianapolis Colts receiver Marvin Harrison, saying that Harrison shot him during an altercation in Philadelphia last year. Now Dixon is in critical condition after being shot seven times on Tuesday, and has said, just before slipping into a coma, that Harrison hired the shooter. How does he know that? It’s unclear. But that’s quite a charge.

Marvin Harrison, Dwight Dixon

And so we have another chapter in this strange saga that began in January of 2008, when Dixon and Harrison argued outside of Harrison’s bar, Playmakers, in North Philadelphia. Then in April of that year, Dixon was wounded in the hand outside a garage owned by Harrison at 25th and Thompson Streets, which is about a mile from the bar. Harrison was not charged, even though the bullets were found to be from his gun. Read more…

Speed Read: Cardiac Canes Will Break Your Heart

As evidenced by Wednesday night’s Pittsburgh Penguins’ romp over the Washington Capitals, not every Game 7 in hockey is something special. But let’s face it - most of them are. And when you throw overtime into the mix? It’s about as good as it gets. It’s drama that you cannot turn away from - at any second, the game and the series could be over with one thunderbolt.

Carolina Hurricanes

So it was that the Carolina Hurricanes and Boston Bruins skated at the end of the first overtime in their Game 7 in Boston, looking for all the world like they were going to a second extra period - or more. And then out of nowhere, a shot was flipped towards the net, Bruins goaltender Tim Thomas was unable to control the rebound, and winger Scott Walker pounced to put the puck in the net for his first career playoff goal to end the game 3-2 and the series.

Boston Bruins

And the fact that it was Walker who scored the series-winner had to hurt Bruins fans doubly, since he was the person who sucker punched Bruins defenseman Aaron Ward near the end of Game 5. According to NHL rules, Ward should have been suspended for Game 6, but the league rescinded the suspension after a hearing on Monday. So he went from almost breaking Ward’s face to definitely breaking the Bruins’ hearts.

(Of course, even though it was a Game 7 overtime winner, it arguably wasn’t as impressive or as cold-blooded as how the Hurricanes scored two late goals to send the New Jersey Devils packing in Game 7 of their first-round series. If I’m the Penguins in the Eastern Conference finals, I’m doing everything I can to close them out early.)

Red Wings versus Ducks

The Detroit Red Wings’ Game 7 victory over the Anaheim Ducks didn’t go to overtime, but it sure had its share of drama. Detroit went up two goals early, only to see Anaheim claw back to level the score at 3-3. But Dan Cleary scored with three minutes to go to give the Red Wings the go-ahead goal and Detroit’s defense was able to make it stick, setting up a Western Conference Finals match-up with the Chicago Blackhawks.

Dwight Howard

Oh, you say that you prefer NBA Game 7s? Well, you’ll have your chance for satisfaction soon enough, as two teams fought off elimination to earn one deciding game. In Orlando, the subtle message that Dwight Howard sent to Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy through the media (i.e. “quit being an idiot and get me the ball”) must have sunk in, as Howard had 23 points and 22 rebounds and the Magic forced a return trip to Boston with an 83-75 victory over the Celtics. None of which apparently excited Orlando fans to show up, as there were “patches of empty seats early in the game.”

Kobe Bryant

No wonder Commissioner David Stern was at the Lakers vs. Rockets game. And speaking of late-arriving - someone might want to tell the Lakers that Houston is in a different time zone, because they clearly aren’t showing up for games there until it’s too late. Much like in Game 4, Los Angeles put themselves in a huge hole they never could get out of, at one point closing an early 16-point deficit to two points but finally running out of steam and falling 95-80 to force a Game 7 at Staples Center. Meanwhile, the Denver Nuggets wait and rest.

Here’s some more sports news to digest while I try to figure out how to be part of “Bike To Work Day” when I work from home.

Which postseason is the most exciting?

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NFL TE Utecht Wants To Soft Rock You For Christ

Athletes trying to become musicians is hardly new, as anyone who has seen or heard Terry Bradshaw’s attempts to become a country star in the 1970s can attest. But Bengals tight end Ben Utecht - previously known as “that Colts TE who isn’t Dallas Clark” - is going for a different audience: the Christian rock set. Well, not so much “rock” as “pop rock” - think less Creed and more D.C. Talk.

Ben Utecht

CM SPIN says that Utecht has released his eponymous debut album with the intent of spreading joy and his Christian faith. And I used the word “attempt” because listening to some of the tracks available on his Web site, I simply have this to say: I’ve heard Stryper, I’ve seen Stryper, and you, sir, are no Stryper.

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Manny Ramirez Suspended After Failing Drug Test

Manny Ramirez gets suspended for 50 games after failing a drug test.

Manny Ramirez Dodgers

How will the baseball media “experts” react to his Hall Of Fame status?

• But here’s an even bigger story coming straight outta Dodgertown - Kim Kardashian threw out last night’s first pitch!

• Is Red Sox Nation trying to fill the NL All-Star ballots full of Washington Nationals so Boston will have World Series home advantage?

• We figured Jelena Dokic’s dad was crazy & abusive, but would he really take out an Australian ambassador with a rocket attack?

• Ex-Nebraska & Arizona State QB Sam Keller is taking the NCAA & EA Sports to court over his likeness being used in a video game.

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Pension Problems Causing Colts Coach To Quit

Howard Mudd has spent 35 straight seasons coaching in the NFL, serving the last 11 years as offensive line coach for the Indianapolis Colts. During his time in Indy, Mudd has plotted to provide protection for conquering QB hero Peyton Manning, with positive results - the Colts line has ranked 7th or better in the league in sacks allowed for 10 of those 11 years, helping Peyton amass the 11 best passing yardage seasons in team history.

Howard Mudd Peyton Manning

But now Howard has decided to give his coaching career the heave-ho, telling the team he plans to retire. But it’s not because he’s tired of the job - he’s worried about his future finances.

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Only Colts Show At Ball State QB Davis’s Pro Day

How do you know when you’ve just made a mistake? Well, if you’re former Ball State quarterback Nate Davis, the first sign might be that, according to the MUNCIE STAR PRESS, only one team shows up at your personal pro day workout, and that team is the Indianapolis Colts. Making matters more insulting, the Colts happen to be less than an hour’s drive away and can’t possibly be serious about drafting him. After all, they have this Peyton Manning guy. Davis has a better shot at being the Colts traveling secretary than he does being the starting quarterback sometime in the next two to three seasons.

nate davis ball state

(Josh Freeman is better? We talking about the same Josh Freeman?)

For Davis, that is absolutely, positively the worst thing that could have happened. Billed as a small school quarterback with big time talent and leadership — think Ben Roethlisberger with onemore curshing MAC loss (damn you Buffalo!) — Some analysts had targeted Davis as a potential second round steal. Evidently actual NFL teams seem to disagree, since none of them bothered to show up. And there’s nothing Davis can do about not being wanted. He already left school after his junior season and passed the cut-off date for re-entry … and already hired an agent. Basically, if he doesn’t get drafted in a high round, he probably blew it.

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