Chavez Advises K-Rod On ‘Difficult’ United States

Venezuela’s president, Hugo Chavez took time away from his busy schedule imprisoning and murdering political dissidents and uniting South America as a totalitarian-run continent to put in a phone call to Mets closer and Venezuelan Francisco Rodriguez.

Hugo Chavez Advises K-Rod Francisco Rodriguez

Apparently the news of Rodriguez being arraigned on charges of assaulting the grandfather of his children struck a chord with the bloodthirsty tyrant.

Chavez recently talked about that phone conversation during a speech delivered on Venezuelan’s state-run television network: Read more…

Sorry, Hugo Chavez Will Not Let You Play Through

It’s impossible for me to look at a picture of Venezuela president Hugo Chavez and not think of the scene in the Woody Allen film “Bananas,” in which Howard Cosell is reporting live from the capital of San Marcos:

“This is tremendous, Don, just tremendous. The atmosphere heavy, uncertain, overtones of ugliness. A reminder, in a way, of how it was in March of 1964 at Miami Beach when Clay met Liston for the first time and nobody was certain how it would turn out. The crowd is tense … El Presidente may be coming out. The door opens … A shot rings out! He turns… he runs back toward the building, trying to get in. This crowd is going wild. He’s caught in a crossfire of bullets. And down! It’s over! It’s all over for El Presidente!” 

Hugo Chavez with Rick Reilly's book

But the real thing is stranger than fiction, it appears. The portly Venezuelan strongman added another story of crazy recently when he launched a bitter diatribe against golf, then closing two popular courses. One of the main reasons? “Golf carts are evil.

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WTF? Chavez Threw Out First Pitch At Mets Game

Whoa I don’t remember this one, but UNI WATCH BLOG has a photo today of maniacal Venenzuelan dictator Hugo Chavez throwing out the first pitch at a Mets game in 1999:

Hugo Chavez Throws Out First Pitch At Mets Game

The ceremony was part of Chavez’s first visit to the U.S.

Seeing the now-bloated tyrant tucked into a spandex baseball uni is pretty amusing. But not as funny as what was reported during Chavez’s visit with U.S. biz leaders. Read more…

Venezuela Fans Are Trashing Own Star Ordonez

Maglio Ordonez is one of the more decorated Venezuelans in baseball history. He’s still a major leaguer, he’s a former All-Star and a proud countryman. All of that should make him a huge hit at the ongoing World Baseball Classic, where the Venezuelans landed a big second round victory over the Netherlands yesterday. But it isnt working out that way. Instead, Ordonez is being boooed like A-Rod in Boston, and it’s all because of his political beliefs.

hugo chavez magglio ordonez

According to the ASSOCIATED PRESS, the disagreement between Ordonez and his country’s rabid fans stems from a series of current commercials in Venezuela. In the ads, the slugger advocates for the abolition of presidential term limits, a move which is patently aimed at getting more time in office for controversial head of state/autocrat Hugo Chavez. The controversial president has long exploited Ordonez’s success and fame for his own gain (no surprise there) as you can see in the video after the break, where Chavez holds a press conference to congratulate Ordonez’s past accomplishemts. While some, like fiery White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen weren’t so receptive, Ordonez has always been happy to play Chavez’s patsy. Needless to say, that’s not going over too well with the more liberal Venezuelans (i.e., expats in the U.S. and other countries) who have to watch Ordonez’s ugly mug — and horrible hair — in ads for a guy they’ve been fighting to push away for years.

Read more…

Speed Read: Buzzer Beaters Punch NCAA Tickets

If you are only going to hit one basket in a game, hitting the shot that sends your team to the NCAA Tournament is good time to do it. And that’s just what Robert Morris University guard Dallas Green did (not the former big league manager), picking up a loose ball and draining a baseline jumper with 2.5 seconds left to give the Colonials a dramatic 48-46 victory over Mount St. Mary’s to win the Northeast Conference Championship.

Dallas Green

But as exciting as the final three seconds or so were, the first 39 minutes and 57 seconds were just as ugly. As in, “hey, look, ‘Sports Soup’ is on!” bad. The second half was pretty rough to watch, and that was a huge upgrade over the first half: the halftime score was 19-19, and the leading scorer for the game was RMU’s Jeremy Chappell (seen below celebrating) with 15 points.

Jeremy Chapell

But in the end, it was Green who provided the heroics. Which rubbed his opponents the wrong way:

Mount St. Mary’s guard Jeremy Goode was particularly stung that Green — a player who even Robert Morris coach Mike Rice admitted was the fifth option on the play — was the player who hit the decisive shot.

“It hurts more,” Goode said. “You’d rather see a guy who makes shots the whole time he has been here make the game-winner. Not [Green] though.”

I’m sure that Green is going to be very upset about those comments…as he and his teammates prepare for the NCAA Tournament, while the Mount St. Mary’s team prepares for a long off-season. But based on the game last night, I doubt that Green or that rest of the Robert Morris team should be game planning for more than one game.

(And in case you were curious, Robert Morris guard Mezie Nwigwe played despite being arrested on assault charges after a fight this past weekend, scoring a whopping three points in 18 minutes.)

Portland State clinches Big Sky

There was another ticket punched to the Big Dance last night which also ended in dramatic fashion. Portland State squeaked past huge underdog Montana State team (who finished the season 14-17) to win the Big Sky Championship. The Vikings also used a last-second shot to clinch their spot, as Julius Thomas dunked with 3.5 seconds left for the winning points in their 79-77 victory. Hopefully they can avoid being a No. 16 seed again, like they were last year before getting thumped by Kansas.

Quinton Rampage Jackson pickup truck

Meanwhile, coming on the heels of the death of TapouT clothing co-founder Charles “Mask” Lewis being killed in a gruesome car crash, there was more bad news from the MMA world. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson broke his jaw in his UFC 98 victory over Keith Jardine on Saturday, which will force him out of his light heavyweight title match against Rashad Evans. Unbeaten Lyoto Machida is taking his place. Let’s hope that Rampage finds a healthier way to deal with his disappointment than before.

(And about the crash that killed “Mask” Lewis: the police are now looking into street racing as a cause of the accident, and it turns out that Lewis had at least eight traffic violations since 2001, including a DUI.)

Other sports stories floating around as you pondered who will make Bristol Palin an honest woman:

Which of these four bubble teams has the best case for an NCAA bid?

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Hugo Chavez Of NFL Continues Terrorizing Chiefs

It’s 38 years and counting since the Kansas City Chiefs’ last Super Bowl appearance, but team tryant (and President & GM) Carl Peterson , who the ASSOCIATED PRESS reports has rehired himself for a 20th season, assures us Chiefs fans that “We know where we’re going and what we’re going to do.

Lamar Hunt Hugo Chavez As Carl Peterson

What Peterson is “going to do” is bring back a personal caddy coach in Herman Edwards who oversaw the Chiefs go 0-9 to finish the season. But at least Edwards has his popularity with the fans to fall back on, not to mention an explosive offense which scored two touchdowns over that nine-game span exactly once.

More of Peterson’s politburo-speak, as he continues to buffalo the Hunt family: “We have a plan and it’s being implemented. I have no intention to leave before the job is finished.

Dear Clark Hunt,

    The now-20-year-purveyor of the 5-year-plan is not going to make it easy for you. Before fed-up fans storm the owner’s suite with pitchforks and torches, drop your silver spoon for one darned moment and get your lovely, dishwater-safe hands dirty.

- Brooks (Wolfpack Club Lifetime Member #213)

Maradona Looking To Meet With Iranian President

After already spending time with Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez, Diego Maradona wants to continue his personal Axis of Evil tour by visiting with the president of Iran.

Diego Maradona tattoo

REUTERS reports that the former Argentine soccer star and prime Jenny Craig candidate expressed interest in meeting up with Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. After giving an Iranian diplomat a signed shirt, Diego told him, “I’ve already met Fidel and Chavez…now I need to meet your president. I’d like to meet Ahmadinejad.”

Maradona has tattoos of Cuban leader Castro and revolutionary Che Guevarra on his bulbous body, and recently decided to add the mark of Chavez, Venezuelan president and U.S. critic. Maybe the meet-up with Mahmoud will result in another Maradona body marking.

Iran president soccer

There should be plenty of room available on Diego’s right ass cheek.

Diego Maradona Wants Tattoo of Venezuela President Hugo Chavez

DIEGO’S HAND OF GOD REPLACED BY HAND OF MIAMI INK: With plenty of space available, Diego Maradona wants to add Hugo Chavez to his tattoo collection:

Diego Maradona tattoo

YAHOO! SPORTS reports that the former Argentine soccer star is looking to add the Venezuelan president to his roll(s) of honor.Maradona already has a couple of Latin leftists on his large frame: Che Guevara on his right shoulder and Fidel Castro on his left leg.

The only question is which butt cheek Hugo will grace.

CNN Sean Taylor Graphic Gaffe Rankles Hugh Chavez

CNN SEAN TAYLOR GRAPHIC GAFFE RANKLES HUGO CHAVEZ VOICE OF AMERICA reports that Venezuela’s garden variety mass murderer, Hugo Chavez, “has called for an investigation into U.S.-based CNN, saying the news network was seeking his assassination after its Spanish-language channel ran an image of him next to a caption that read, ‘Who killed him?’

Hugo Chavez

CNN later claimed, earlier this week, that text for the image “had been meant for a story about Washington Redskins football star Sean Taylor, who died Tuesday in Florida of a gunshot wound.“But logic and truth never stops Chavez, who still called CNN’s mistake deliberate and “accused the network of possibly seeking to “instigate a political assassination.