“You know gossip Web sites… bunch of bitchy little girls.” Or so we imagine Sam Axe saying to sites like MEDIA TAKE OUT when their little pixilated claws came out after the charming young men’s magazine model Kendra Wilkinson enjoined with known athlete Hank Baskett in a charming li’l marriage ceremony yesterday at the Playboy Mansion.

(Finally, our little girl gets to wear her own jersey)

It’s a lady’s day to shine (along with her fellow bridesmates like Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt), so fooey on MEDIA TAKE OUT for calling the ceremony “tacky”. Come on; we’re sure the family even painted the shotgun white for the occasion.  Some Web sites have to be the bride at every wedding and the body at every funeral, y’know?

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Melissa Rycroft is one busy gal. The former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader was chosen but then dumped on “The Bachelor” season finale, and is currently shaking her money maker on “Dancing With The Stars”.

And now the rah-rah girl-turned-reality TV star is being approached to also make her mark in the print media. Specifically, magazines. More specifically, nudie magazines. Yes, Melissa is being pursued to pose for Playboy.

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OK I’ve been way too serious all week, time to have some fun. Like you I’m sure, I’m in mourning over the imminent demise of the finest piece of a$$ television available today: The E! Channel’s Playboy-based “Girls Next Door” reality show. Take for instance last month’s episode about a softball game for Playboy Playmates:

(Video after the jump - scroll to 4:00 mark)

After plenty of unintentionally hilarious commentary and scene setting, the girls hit the field and show that they are, especially Playmate Miriam Gonzalez, BIG time ballers. Scenes like the above make the show the most bizarre dichotomy in the history of television. On one hand, you have young teenies around the world idolizing the three glorified prostitutes girls on the show. But you also have legions of 40-something gentlemen as devotees, using on the other hand. Read more…

I guess in an attempt to seem more legitimate to advertisers, Playboy.com now has pro athletes blogging. I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking to read about party tales from NFL players after *occupying* myself with porn for time in memorium.

(NSFW? Party pic from NBC-TV’s Chicago affiliate website)

One such blogger is 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis. In his latest entry, Willis describes Playboy’s New Year’s Eve party at Hugh Hefner’s mansion.  After telling us something we already knew, that Bill Maher and Jon Lovitz were at the party bottom-feeding jacuzzi algae, Willis got down to some details about his party hookup. Read more…

It’s a story as old as Hugh Hefner: Girl is blinded by the prospects of celebrity; Figures posing nude for a magazine will be “good for her career”; Parents are shocked & awed when they find out about it through a church acquaintance who stumbled upon it while walking the dog (or some such silliness).

But unlike most of the women who end up in the pages of Playboy, Austin Voltin (third from left) at least had the good sense to change her name to Austin Thompson. Of course, now that she’s telling her story to Paul Walsh of the MINNEAPOLIS STAR TRIBUNE, it sorta blows her cover, but she gets points for trying.

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I spent most of last evening at the Playboy Mansion watching boxing, observing a nude girl tiptoe through mostly spider vein-nosed, bowling-shirted attendees, and sadly, missing Bill Maher.

(Inspiration for followup to Shaq’s Ma$$terful Kobe Rap?)

I was flummoxed by the absence of Playboy Mansion regulars Maher, Scott Baio, Jon Lovitz, Bob Saget and of course, America’s favorite mid-40s teenie stalker Pauly Shore. In consideration of that curious chasm, it was clear early on that this wasn’t the typical study in backyard debauchery for which Hef’s parties are notorious.

(What the hell Chuck, No chain wallet?)

But with my current condition, it was still better than spending the night wrangling with the ice machine at the Culver City Hilton Garden Inn.

So, what then was the highlight of the night? Well, that would be the one nude girl on the grounds. And for that I thank my gracious party hosts, Yardbarker.com.

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If you travel this space regularly, you know I’m going to be moving from South Beach to L.A. shortly. Now if I’m able to make it back home by this weekend, I’ll goto Game Five of the NBA Finals at Staples between the C’s and Lakers. And have coverage on SbB.

(We’d rather have poker pro Lacey Jones play with our stack too, ol’ Doc Buss)

I didn’t make it to the first two games of the Finals in Boston, which isn’t all that surprising. But what may have left some Boston fans befuddled is that Lakers Owner Jerry Buss and daughter Jeanie Buss (also Phil Jax’s GF) didn’t go either.

Jeanie stayed back in her Marina home, ordering in (C & O?) for the games. Meanwhile, her father decided a poker tournament in Vegas was a higher priority, which means “double-down” is now taking on a whole new meaning for ol’ Doc Buss.

Now, anyone who follows the Lakers is in no way surprised at this revelation. In the case of elder Buss, this is the same guy who refused to come home from a vacation in Italy to attend to the final, fateful Shaq-Kobe blowup - which eventually led to O’Neal’s ouster (hindsight: that was Buss’ plan all along).

(Jeanie’s priority #2 - after Phil’s Doan’s pills - score Hef courtside seats)

The only thing surprising regarding Jerry passing on Game 1 & 2 in The Bean is that he didn’t do it from the O.G. in Vegas.

Wait a minute, who said he didn’t?

And of course, Jeanie has her priorities too, like setting up Hef for his Game 3 digs on 1111 South Fig. Playboy’s Hugh Hefner will make a rare appearance at a Lakers game on Tuesday. More importantly, he’s bringing his three fake girlfriends with him.

(Yes, the old goat will be courtside too)

So, I think I might be able to make it out of Miami by Tuesday night. If I do, I’ll be filing from the road. Hopefully I’ll be able to scare up something interesting along the way but don’t hold your breath. Read more…

CELEBRIDIOT has a pic from tennis player Alona Bondarenko’s new ad campaign for K-Swiss:

Like you, we’ve never heard of her, and we wonder why K-Swiss would sign her to an endorsement deal. Makes almost as much sense as paying Anna Kournikova hundreds of thousands of dollars to endorse anything now. She, by the way, was K-Swiss’ last corporate spokesmodel.

It is interesting to note the similar looks of Kournikova and Bondarenko. The latter we’re guessing came a lot cheaper. It also gives us a good idea of who may be behind these ad campaigns. Read more…

TV TAN LINE via DEADSPIN learns that ESPN knows how to pick a winner:

SPORTS MEDIA WATCH discovers that simulcasting Saturday’s Pats game on CBS & NBC was a win-win-win situation.

Jim Carty of the ANN ARBOR NEWS weighs in on how Michigan is shaping up for the Capital One Bowl.

The CHICAGO TRIBUNE just reads the articles, as Playboy head honcho Hugh Hefner is pulling for his Illini in the Rose Bowl:

MONEY PLAYERS notices their wallet feels a little lighter, as they list their biggest sports losers of 2007.

100% INJURY RATE double-dribbles word from Patrick Ewing that the Knicks’ problem may be that they’re too talented.