WHY BUCHER NEVER HAS TO WORRY ABOUT EMPLOYMENT: Michael Sneed of the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES has the ironic news today that despite the apparent trade talk breakdown between the Bulls and Lakers, “(Kobe) Bryant may be purchasing basketball legend Michael Jordan’s massive home in Highland Park.

“The real estate rumor mill is grinding out grist that could add more credence to the word the L.A. Lakers superstar may wind up playing in Chicago.”

It’s definitely a move that make sense, since Bryant already has a doorman-in-waiting.

WE’RE ASSUMING THEY HAVE A REASONABLE PET DEPOSIT: The NEW YORK POST’s PAGE SIX reports today that despite his financial woes, Michael Vick has somehow raised the cash to buy “a pricey pad in the luxurious Philippe Starck high-rise Icon South Beach.“

Dwyane Wade also lives in the building, and Shaq apparently has a girlfriend stashed who lives there.Source “[Vick] has bought [an] apartment. Since his indictment he hasn’t visited, but his brother Marcus, who was released by the Miami Dolphins and has charges of statutory rape pending, has no problem partying it up with the ladies in his brother’s pad.”

A woman has a suit pending against Vick’s younger brother Marcus, alleging they had a two-year affair starting when she was 15.

Isn’t it astonishing how Michael and Marcus just can’t seem to steer clear of bitches in heat?