Novak Mimicks McEnroe, Tennis Match Breaks Out

Novak Djokovic delights the Monday night US Open crowd with his manic impression of John McEnroe - only to have Mac come down & reclaim his honor in an impromptu tennis match.

John McEnroe Novak Djokovic

• A Kansas community is burned by the cold-hearted hazing of a high school football player slathered in Icy Hot.

• Kentucky fans are fuming at John Calipari because their coach dared send a Wildcats jersey to President Obama.

• A whole lotta football kicked off this weekend - even the lingerie variety.

• Ex-Notre Dame QB Blair Kiel is arrested after going on a drunken warpath at an Indianapolis Indians minor league game.

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Emotions In KS Hazing Incident Running Hot, Icy

For some reason, people love to perpetuate the myth of the idyllic small town. Usually, such myths are used as a comparison to the evil, hedonistic, crime-ridden big cities. In small towns, so the myths go, neighbors cheerfully help one another, work hard, do their shopping on Main Street, and everyone lives a simpler, happier, more moral existence than, say, effete East Coast intellectuals.

Football hazing

(These shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Beloit’s shenanigans are cruel and tragic.)

The truth is that the myth of the idyllic American small town is by and large dead. Wal-Marts have rendered Main Street storefronts all but abandoned, family farms have long gone bankrupt or been rendered useless by multinational corporations, drugs and crime are sky-high, and people are hostile, distrustful, and bitter. But one thing still stands to tie towns like Beloit, Kansas, together - high school football.

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‘Atomic Sit-Up Case’ Finally Gets Its Day In Court

There’s nothing in the football hazing manual more insidious than the atomic sit-up, that most evil of teammate pranks and proof positive that nothing in a high school locker room involving a towel ever comes to any good. Unfortunately our story here does not involve a girl, as the photo indicates. But if you’d seen the alternative photo choices, you’d thank me.

A former Stevenson High School (Chicago suburbs) football player is bringing a lawsuit against former teammates 10 years after a hazing ritual that he said caused psychological and emotional damage. Stamatios Shinas claims while he participated in a football conditioning camp for varsity players for the 1999-2000 season, he was administered the dreaded atomic sit-up, in which a person places his buttocks over a blindfolded person’s face, who then sits up into it. Lawsuit play-by-play, and instructional video, below. Read more…

Lesbians And Sheep Poop. Yes, You Will Read This

Oh, hello. Welcome to SbB. We have lots to talk about. Like lesbians! Everyone likes them, particularly the versions in male movie directors’ imaginations and not the actual ones that do things like, y’know, grow older than 26. Good, everyone on board? Now let’s bring in sheep doo-doo. Annnnd there goes… wait, nobody’s leaving? God, you people are sick.

Gay Sheep
(Okay, the sheep itself is not a lesbian. It might not even be a lady sheep. This being Maine, however, it wants to show its support anyway.)

This story comes to us courtesy of the coastal areas of Maine, land of … Bangors and mash. I dunno. Kelly Jo Cookson, a softball coach in Brewer, has sued the school district, claiming she was dismissed on account of her sexual orientation. The school district disagrees just a bit, according to the BANGOR DAILY* NEWS, claiming an incident at a team picnic made things just a bit more uncomfortable than any sexual orientation ever could:   Read more…

Booze Party Gets Girls’ Soccer Team Suspended

If you really think female athletes can’t hang with the guys in any aspect of sports, you’ve clearly never been to a party thrown by a girls’ team. So props to one high school soccer team for doing their gender, youth sports and — oh heck — America proud by throwing a raging kegger that got three-fourths of the team suspended.

Lake Braddock Girls Soccer Team

(”OK girls, who wants a drink?”)

Lake Braddock HS, in the DC suburbs, is the alma mater of Mia Hamm and has won two of the last three state titles. They’re also All-Americans when it comes to hitting the bottle; 16 members of the girls varsity squad were punished in the wake of a party where the only non-team invitees were named Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.

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“Sex Toy Assault” Alleged In HS Volleyball Hazing

Four students were suspended and 6 staff members have been transferred from a Los Angeles high school in the wake of hazing allegations on the boys’ volleyball team, and boy, is this one a doozy. Investigators are keeping the particulars of the hazing hushed up, but descriptions of it include the words “locker room shower,” “suggestive acts with a sex toy”, and “held down by other students and assaulted.” So, you know, you do the math.

Taft Boys Volleyball Team

The staff members of Taft High School, including the principal and the volleyball coach, allegedly knew about the hazing and failed to stop it, and have been reassigned while the investigation continues. By which they mean, a pattern of rectum-wrecking dildo play, I suppose. Come on, guys. I was in a fraternity, and never did anything like this. You’re giving our homoerotic, all-male clubs a bad name.

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HS Fires Swim Coach For Team’s Abusive Shirts

Well, this is a new way to get fired. Unsatisfied with just doing his job at Seymour (Conn.) High School, swim team coach Kevin Quill tried to fire up his team by dappling in the motivational screen printing business. His subject? A member of his own team who had quit after not being named captain.

shoes floating on pool

(Another of Quill’s motivational techniques: Throwing shoes at slow swimmers.)

Hence shirts emblazoned with “The Mascot is a quitter,” a message that sounds fairly benign until you realize that the player in question was actually named Mascot. Even more ridiculously, Quill tried to defend the action, saying that the shirts were, “not poking fun at the student (Mascot), but instead were poking fun at the situation.” How exactly a shirt that is only clever in how it uses the word mascot as a double-entendre is poking fun at the situation, we have no idea. What situation? The fact that the kid’s name was Mascot? That’s a situation?

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Apparently Saying the Word ‘Vagina’ is Hazing Now

We have set a new low for what constitutes hazing, and it comes to us from Wisconsin, where the Badgers’ famous marching band has been under fire for allegations of misconduct since October. The entire Badger band was even suspended for Wisconsin’s much-ballyhooed night game against Ohio State, which the Buckeyes pulled out with a late touchdown. Surely, then, there must have been a great deal of–oh you have to be kidding me:

Vagina Monologues

A few previously unreported examples of inappropriate behavior by band members included singing a cadence that includes the word vagina, placing a condom on a banana and a game involving alcohol in which some band members formed a “hamster cage” for other students using torn up pages of phone books.

Not “vagina”! Nooooooooooooo! Read more…