Athlete Victimized By Dumbest Car Thief In History

Have you ever heard of Thomas Davis? Probably not, but he’s a linebacker for the Carolina Panthers, via Georgia. We up to speed? Good. Speaking of speed, Thomas Davis has one of the most recognizable cars in Charlotte, a super-personalized purple 1975 Caprice Classic. You’ll see part of it in the picture below.

Thomas Davis' ride
(Here I am! Wait… where am I?)

Well, hold the phone; Davis had one of the most recognizable cars in Charlotte, up until this weekend, according to authorities. Repo’ed? Totaled in a crash? No no, just a prop in a cunning plan not thought all the way through.

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Nigerian Man U Fan Drives Bus Into Barca Crowd

Respected journals of anthropology like SPORTSbyBROOKS have long chronicled the behaviour of soccer fans in the wild, for science. SbB’s crack team of scientists traveled the globe to document the fascinating rioting habits of the Irish fan, the Romanian fan, and the Russian fan. We even received data from our South American research station on the rioting habits of the Chilean fan. Amazingly, however, we had heretofore gathered no empirical data on record regarding the rioting behaviours of the elusive African fan.

Carnage!

(Not pictured: Bus plunge.)

But that changed today, and the annals of science are richer for it. A bus-driving Nigerian Manchester United fan chanced upon a group of Barcelona fans celebrating their team’s victory in the UEFA Champions League Final and he did what any self-respecting soccer fan would do in the same situation around the world: He ran them over. Gouranga!

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“Pooper” Davenport Chases Down His Stolen Car

You know, you defecate in one hamper, and people never let you forget about it. That’s life for Najeh Davenport, who had his car stolen, chased it down and recovered it, and all I’m thinking is poop poop poop.

Najeh Davenport model

The former Steelers back left his car running in front of a family member’s house, when someone hopped in and took off with it.  Davenport somehow commandeered another vehicle and went in hot pursuit, finally catching up to the car thief and holding him until police arrived. I guess his skills at holding it have improved.

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This Isn’t The Way To Voice Disinterest In Cycling

Choose not to watch. Discuss how bike seats can lower sperm count. State the several, several cyclists who get caught doping after winning races. There are many productive ways to show why the cycling world has problems. Taking your car and ramming a herd of cyclists — including some former Olympians — isn’t really the way to go here.

Excitebike

The SYDNEY MORNING HERALD reported (15 hours from the future, I might add) that some motorist was pissed off that he had to wait for a pack of 60 cyclists to cross his path, and took matters into his own horsepower. He rammed the pack of bicycles, injuring about 50 nobody was seriously hurt. Read more…

$30,000 Warrant Out For Rider’s No-Show in Court

Sounds hard to believe, but Isaiah Rider is in trouble with the law again.

Isaiah Rider restrained by Pistons

(Pistons practice restraining Rider for Isaiah’s future police encounters)

TMZ reports that the former NBA player didn’t show up for his arraignment hearing Monday morning. And now Isaiah’s absence is going to cost him - $30,000, to be exact. Read more…