Pacquiao’s Next Test: Supersonic Breasts & Crabs

In case you missed it, Manny Pacquiao absolutely obliterated Miguel Cotto this Saturday. It really wasn’t much of a contest, even as it went 12 rounds before the referee put an end to the senseless beating Pacquiao was putting on Cotto. So until Pacqiuao and Floyd Mayweather fight (seriously, guys, just do it already), Pac-Man’s going to have to settle for the next best thing: giant crabs and super-sound-boobs.

Manny Pacquiao Kicking Giant Crab

(Whoa whoa whoa - boxers aren’t allowed to kick their opponents, pal!)

Why, there’s one of those giant crabs now, acting aggressively toward Pacquiao for an as yet undetermined reason. As our readers undoubtedly know, crabs are one of the most gentle creatures on the planet, and are often referred to as “doves of the deep.” Okay, I made all that up. Anyway, it’s a still from Pacquiao’s latest project: a Filipino movie called Wapakman. And here’s the thing about that movie, if you haven’t already ascertained: it’s f–king insane.

Because we know you want it, trailer’s after the break.

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WWE CEO Linda McMahon For Senate? Oh, Good

9 times out of 10, politics is a thoroughly insufferable exhibition of pandering, falsehoods, and carefully staged appearances designed to minimize any tests of critical thinking or knowledge. Always smile, always believe in America, say things like “strong,” then spend the GDP of Africa on ads. Rinse, repeat, try to keep from regurgitating dinner.

Vince and Linda McMahon
(I remember the days when spousal abuse was a deal-breaker for getting into Congress. I guess Republicans don’t care about domestic violence. /politicaltotalbullcrap’d)

But every now and then, you get a candidate who’s well-known and cut his chops on speaking in front of a camera years ago. Someone with a background in wrestling. Someone like… Al Franken! Believe it or not, he was a high school and college wrestler. Oh, what’s that? There was another guy from Minnesota? Oh yeah, Jesse Ventura. Okay, him too.

Now it appears that a lady from the wrestling world is about to get involved, and while - sadly - it’s not the one wrestler whose fake boob went “pop”, it is Vince McMahon’s wife Linda… and she means business.

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What To Do With Carrier Deck: Why Not Hockey?

With the last two New Year’s Days featuring the ultra-cool (and ultra-cold) Winter Classics, it’s fair to say that outdoor hockey has been enjoying a mini-resurgence. The old “frozen pond” romanticism is something the NHL had probably gone too far away from over recent years, and this effort to get back to the roots of the game was long overdue.

USS Eisenhower
(Gary Bettman is set to charge the military $100 million to move the carrier as a “relocation fee.”)

But not all outdoor hockey is created equally, of course, and there are probably pretty specific geographic limitations as to where one could pull off a game like that. Or so you’d think, anyway. If the Norfolk Admirals get their wishes, they’ll be playing a game in probably the most bad-assed environs yet: the deck of a freaking aircraft carrier.

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Yankee Stadium Gives Out Free Food… Sort Of

One of the biggest allures of seeing a baseball game is the food. Sure, all sports’ stadiums sell food of some sort, but only baseball has the deep emotional connection to hot dogs, nachos, and all the other sensory overloaders that come with an evening at the ballpark.

Yankees Hot Dog
(Yum.)

So it would seem that the best food - moldy hot dog buns aside - would have to come from Yankee Stadium, right? But how are you going to actually find out without buying a ticket then dropping like $15 on a pretzel or whatever they charge? Well, there is a way to get free food from the game. There’s a tiny, miniscule little catch, though.

You have to be homeless. Read more…