• Vols coach Lane Kiffin warns recruit: If you choose South Carolina over Tennessee, prepare for a career pumping gas.

• Beauty pageant competitors Christiann & Arielle Unger have an axe to grind with you.

• Could Franco Harris’ son become the next mayor of Pittsburgh?

• If you’re going to be sitting around watching March Madness anyway, why not use that time recovering from a vasectomy?

• If you want a high-five from Paul Pierce, better leave the LeBron jersey at home.

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A team of headcases. Every league has to have one. Where the players’ antics are bound to grab the front pages as often as the back. Where the front office competes with the players to see who respects the coach less. Where every fan of a losing team can look, and say, “at least I’m not a fan of those guys.” But with Isiah Thomas gone and the Knicks actually looking like they have a plan, who inherits the title of the NBA’s problem child?

(This is how Don Nelson looks when he wakes up every morning.)

Quietly, but surely, the ridiculousness has been mounting in the Bay Area. The Golden State Warriors are an absolute train wreck right now, with the team making up injury reports, threatening their own players to opt out of contracts, and at least four players missing tonight’s game with dubious — or no — excuses.  Click to after the jump to find out why, as bad as your squad might have it, at least you’re not a Warriors fan.

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Hey there, readers! Time to make your Tuesday a Woo!-esday with another fun & frivolous SbB Clever Caption Contest!

Today we take aim at Ronny Turiaf of the Golden State Warriors:

What point do you think RT is trying to make? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner to be announced in the end-of-the-day recap, along with the chance to score a collection of Ronny’s used cornrows.

Good luck and good writing! Make the Gonzaga alum go ga-ga!

So there might have been another reason that Clippers point guard/roller skating enthusiast Baron Davis plumped up this off-season other than getting paid $250,00 by Jenny Craig so he could lose the weight by drinking their flavorless shakes. It turns out he might have been eating to mask the depression of being split from his BFF Stephen Jackson.

OK, it was probably the $250,00 that did it, but still…it’s clear that things aren’t working out for Davis with the Clippers, and it’s looking more and more like a return to Golden State is imminent. The latest news comes from Stephen Jackson, who told INSIDE BAY AREA that he and Davis hung out on Saturday night and are already plotting Davis’ return to the Warriors:

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It’s a play on the old “tree falling in a woods” hypothetical scenario: If the NBA holds a preseason and nobody’s around to see it, does it even happen? Last week Brooks posted about the horrid numbers that NBA preseason action in Vegas was getting, but that looks like a ratings bonanza compared to the amount of interest it received in China.

(Three’s a crowd?)

In case you didn’t know, the NBA held two preseason games in China last week between the Golden State Warriors and Milwaukee Bucks. But since these two teams don’t have much in the way of “star power”, pretty much everyone in China went about their daily lives, never even pausing to acknowledge the fact that the NBA even exists.

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These are dark days for Golden State and their faithful. They lost Baron Davis to free agency, then accomplished precisely nothing on the free agent market to replace Davis. Then their star guard, Monta Ellis, went down with a serious ankle injury.

(DANGEROUS)

It eventually came out that Ellis’s tweaked ankle came from wrecking his scooter, which is sad on multiple levels. It’s costing Ellis the first three months of the season as he rehabs the ankle, and now it’s costing him 30 games of pay: Read more…

Apparently, not even God can save the Cubs. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE reports that team brought in a priest to spread Holy Water on their bench before Game 1 to exorcise the demons of collapses past. But after last night’s wretched 10-3 loss to the Dodgers in Game 2, the Cubs look ready to call the priest back - this time to perform Last Rites.

How bad was it last night? How about every starting infielder making an error. Not the kind of night the Cubs needed when Carlos Zambrano decided to bring his less-than-A Game to the mound - more like his Z Game. The only bad news for the Dodgers was that Takashi Saito got shelled, giving up three hits and two runs without recording an out. Somehow I think the Dodgers will take the results.

In other playoff news, it turns out the Rays are pretty good after all. At least we know that Evan Longoria is. Tampa Bay’s rookie sensation became the second player in baseball history to smack homers in his first two post-season at-bats in the team’s 6-4 win over the White Sox. (The first? Gary Gaetti, now a coach with in the Rays’ farm system.) If almost-namesake Eva Longoria sent him champagne to celebrate the Rays’ playoff berth, what’s she going to get him now?

But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses in Tampa last night. As the Rays were doing something historic, the No. 10 South Florida football team was doing something familiar: getting upset on an ESPN Thursday night game. In this case it was Pittsburgh doing the honors, with Dave Wannstedt pulling of the type of victory that will somehow save his job after the team finishes 7-5.

As for other sports news, here’s what you missed while you were watching the Vice Presidential Debate and wondering if Joe Biden was wearing more make-up than Sarah Palin:

• BBC SPORT bellies up with news that John Daly is considering swinging his sticks in the European Tour next year - get ready for a run on Gitanes.
• The SALT LAKE CITY TRIBUNE rubs salt in the wounds of USC fans by noting that the Utah Utes did what the Trojans’ couldn’t do: pull off a comeback against Oregon State to maintain a perfect record.
• The DAILY RECORD reports on two couples suffering from MS who had a special day at the closing of Shea Stadium - even if they didn’t need the additional pain of watching the Mets collapse.
• THE HOCKEY NEWS slides over the latest comments from the always calm, cool, & collected Sean Avery, who takes some verbal slapshots at Don Cherry & the NHL’s marketing strategy.
• According to the CHARLOTTE OBSERVER, Rusty Wallace debunks wild rumors that he was planning on making a comeback. Who started the rumors? His brother Kenny.
• Ray Ratto of the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE is hardly lamenting that the new team name in Oklahoma City will mean an end to the Warriors’ mascot Thunder.
• The ATHENS (OH) POST sets its sights on an Ohio University basketball player who was arrested after shooting two sorority girls with an Airsoft rifle.
• If you believe the NORTHWEST FLORIDA DAILY NEWS, apparently things have gotten so PC on high school football teams that threatening to slit a teammate’s throat will get you arrested.
• The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports that JaMarcus Russell enjoyed playing for Lane Kiffin - expect Al Davis to unexpectedly cut Russell within the week.
• The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS breaks the bad news that Jared Jeffries will be out for six to eight weeks after breaking his leg in a scrimmage.

• YAHOO’s BALL DON’T LIE showcases the winners of their fun photoshop contest featuring Eddy Curry as an Olympic gymnast.

• ESPN reports that the Milwaukee Bucks will face the Golden State Warriors in two exhibition games in China this October. This would make a lot more sense had Yi Jianlian not been traded to the Nets.

• L.A. BALLS bounces along news that despite their popularity with fans, the USC football team will not be sporting black jerseys anytime soon.

• THE SPORTS DOLLAR cashes in with their helpful guide to the Six Types of Sports Bloggers.

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Having lost out on the Elton Brand sweepstakes, the Golden State Warriors still seemed determined to lure away at least one Los Angeles Clipper in revenge for the Baron Davis debacle. And the Bay Area club has apparently accomplished their mission by capturing Corey Maggette.

Janny Hu of the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports that the Warriors have reached an agreement to sign Maggette to a 5-year, $50 million deal - or about $40 million less than they were offering to Elton.

Still, the deal will be a bit costly to Golden State in other ways: Read more…

After losing Baron Davis to the L.A. Clippers, the Golden State Warriors hope turnabout is fair play in trying to snag free agent Elton Brand.

TRUE HOOP tells us (via Janny Hu of the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE) that the b-ballers by the Bay are offering Brand some big bucks to come up north - reportedly a 5-year deal worth up to $90 million, about $20 million more than the Clips are willing to give Elton to stay with L.A.’s NBA B-team.

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