God Tells Allen Iverson He’s to Migrate to Memphis

• Why would Allen Iverson ever join the Grizzlies? Because God told him to.

Allen Iverson God

Andrea McNulty is willing to drop her sexual assault lawsuit against Ben Roethlisberger - as long as Big Ben admits he did it.

• A foolish foursome tries to steal Cal Ripken Jr.’s “8″ statue from the front of Camden Yards.

• The Redskins are redfaced over the bad publicity of suing a 72-year-old woman over season tickets, so they opt not to take grandma’s 66 grand.

• Since when did Cole Hamels go the David Beckham metrosexual route?

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Allen Iverson To Memphis, Since God Hates Both

As we mentioned a couple weeks ago, Allen Iverson was formally offered a contract by the Memphis Grizzlies, a miserable, moribund franchise that would have left the city long ago if it weren’t for the ironclad lease agreement the FedEx Forum has with the team.

Monty Python God Allen Iverson
(”Alley-I! I command you, go to the saddest place on Earth!”)

Well, Iverson went ahead and signed with the Grizz today, according to the MSM and their “sources.” And by “sources,” they must mean Iverson’s Twitter page, since he just Tweeted about it himself. But this notion that God “chose” Memphis for Iverson means he clearly hates Iverson. Or Memphis. Or both.

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Las Vegas: “The Phillies Already Won Game Five”

You can go ahead and tell Bug Selig to stop worrying about rescheduling the rest of the World Series game. While you’re at it, tell God he can stop continually pounding Philadelphia with relentless rain. The Series is already over, folks. According to Las Vegas sports books, the Phillies were the victors last night.

Pure Joy

At least, that’s how they’re paying out. According to the Nevada gaming rules, “the final score of an official game is determined by reverting to the last completed inning.” And seeing as the Phillies were up 2-1 after the fifth inning, if you placed a bet on the home team, you’re a happy person this morning. But if you bet on the Rays, you’re probably none too pleased by this betting rule quirk.

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