6:06 PM I love Serena Williams to death, but that wig, seriously, has to go.
6:04 PM With the Cardinals currently ahead of the Rams 21-3, Kurt Warner has been lifted from the game with an apparently head injury. No word yet if he could return. Matt Leinart is now in at quarterback.
No, that’s not a clever headline you’re reading, this is an attack that really did happen. According to soccer blog THE SPOILER via German newspaper BILD, former German Bundesliga Champion Thorsten Legat finalized a guilty plea which closed a year-old case pending against him focused on an attack of a German citizen in the parking lot of a McDonald’s. The weapon Legat used in the attack? Why, that would be a samurai sword.
(The referee might not be so cavalier if he knew Legat had a sword!)
In fairness, Legat wasn’t the guy who started the trouble. The former Werder Bremen and Schlake star was in his car outside of his neighborhood McDonalds when he and his wife were threatened by your everyday, average German street gang. To scare them off, Legat promptly pulled his samurai sword from his boot (we didn’t know that was even possible) and started waving it around to scare off the alleged “group of youths”.
The problem is that, at one point, Legat’s sword actually made contact with someone’s head. While it may seem like someone would have lost their head, literally — given that the weapon a samurai sword, after all — the attacker was actually just injured, and promptly sued as a result.
Sure, Germany beat Austria in Euro 2008 action today. But the Austrians can still proudly throw out their chests from a bigger triumph over the weekend, when a group of Vienna vixens busted out a victory over a team of bare Bavarian babes in topless soccer action.
(Perky performers from both teams were quite popular on press row)
REUTERS reports that two teams made up of porn stars erotic actresses met on a sandy pitch along the Danube River last Sunday. The ladies’s on-field kit was nothing more than painted-on jerseys & shorts, with some small thongs to keep a lid on any total nudity.
Austria bounced up a 10-5 win over the German g-string divas. But it was pretty rough going for both sides. Read more…
When Croatia returns to Euro 2008 action on Thursday, one member of the Croatian squad wants to prove he has the heart to play - even if it’s with a borrowed kidney.
The ASSOCIATED PRESS kicks up the story of Ivan Klasnic, who hopes to become the first-ever kidney transplant recipient to hit the pitch in the European tournament. Read more…
Lukas Podolski was born in Poland, but was ignored by the national team of his home country, and is one of of two prominent Polish players that made the pilgrimage to represent Germany in the quadrennial Euro tournament.
The Pole chipped in both goals in his foster nation’s 2-0 win over his homeland. Read more…
The Sharks, a South African rugby team, slipped an extra man onto the grass for two whole minutes without anyone noticing in their Super 14 match against the Queensland Reds last weekend. The 16th man roamed freely in the Sharks win and made two key tackles. Queensland Reds are protesting now, but you have to catch them in the act, Aussies. So sorry!
Now this is how you catch them in the act:
(Anatomy of a cheater)
The brilliant BALL IN EUROPE spotted ETB Essen trying to secure a promotion to the second division in German basketball by pulling the ol’ Maypole trick on the ref with two seconds left in the game. It’s one thing to sneak a 16th man onto a large field of play; it’s quite another to slip a sixth man back onto a tiny basketball court. Große Hoden, ETB Essen!
VANCOUVER GROUP WANTS BROTHEL BY 2010 OLYMPICS: As Vancouver gets ready for the 2010 Winter Olympics, there’s one vital matter they haven’t prepared for - prostitutes:
The VANCOUVER SUN reports that a group of working girls want to establish a legal brothel by the time the world descends on the Canadian City for the games.The B.C. Coalition of Experiential Communities believes establishing a legal brothel would be a safer alternative for streetwalkers hoping to cash in on the influx of worldly & horny visitors.
A similar sex situation faced Germany during the 2006 World Cup. Although the country legalized prostitution in 2002, there were still concerns about the volume and safety of sexcapades during the tournament.
The BCCEC hopes to get the okay from the government “to permit the first brothel on an experimental basis.”
We’re sure there won’t be a shortage of volunteers for that experiment.
NOVEL IDEA DEPARTMENT - HOW TO SCORE WITH A PENIS: TYPICALLY SPANISH today translates the German newspaper BILD which reports that Mario Gomez recently scored a penis goal in a German league game with his penis. Video:
The LONDON GUARDIAN follows up with, “Gomez’s low blow has Hitzfeld on the ropes.” How none of the reporting outlets didn’t work “volleyball” into the copy or the headline, we have no idea.
The lower midsection-marker harkens many soccer fans back to the famous World Cup goal by Maradona, which is of course known in England as the “Hand(job) of God“.
GERMAN SOCCER TEAM CALLS ENGLISH TIX SALES KAPUT: As quoted in a classic “Simpsons” episode, “We Germans are not a warlike people.” That’s why one Deutchland soccer team canceled some ticket sales to English fans:
YAHOO SPORTS reports that Nuremburg voided the sale of 1,500 tickets bought by Everton supporters for Thursday’s UEFA Cup match. The problem with the seats is that they’re situated in the home club’s section.Such a setup had the UEFA and the team worried about English hooligans starting fights and causing trouble with their German hosts.
After discussing with police, Nuremberg decided to cancel the sales. The UEFA added that no sales were finalized, and no money was taken from the cockney consumers.The club claimed that a “bug” in their online selling system allowed Everton fans to buy tickets that were allocated for Nuremburg folks.
First the Rockies, then the Olympics, and now this. When will it ever end?
