Newsmakers have a tradition of dumping news they don’t want you to know on the evening before a weekend. If they can line it up with a three-day holiday, even better. However, for your morning cup of red-white-and-blue coffee with a little “hangover cure” splashed in, we provide just what they would prefer we didn’t do: the stories you weren’t meant to read.

• Tim Montgomery admits to selling heroin for fun and profit - He kites checks; he deals heroin; he takes steriods. He can’t seem to sprint away from anything, now can he?
• President Bush will attend the Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies - It sounds like a yawner, but yawners don’t get dropped as the last sentence of a briefing about a Thailand trip on the night before the Fourth weekend. Some see it as tacit approval for all China’s perceived sins; others see it as an acknowledgment of China’s economic power. We see a lame duck president finally taking that vacation he never got to take because of all that time he spent working hard.

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Our friend from the North, Canada, is celebrating birthday #141 today. In honor of that, watch this very cool, brand-new video celebrating the CFL.

I know, “very cool” and “CFL” don’t usually go together, but that vid is an exception. It’s part of an ad campaign llaunched today called “This is Our League.” Interesting slogan. Wonder if the NFL invasion into Toronto has something to do with it, eh?

The blog MIKE RESPONTS has the strange case of the longtime Boise State football and basketball announcer Paul Schneider getting blown out - and adds another chapter in the astonishing fall from broadcasting grace by Lee “Hacksaw” Hamilton.

(Best wig EVAR)

Schneider was let go after his Boise radio station lost the rights to broadcast the games. His designated replacement at the new station rightsholder, a young Boise buck named Dave Koehn, left before broadcasting a single game for the Univ. of Virginia gig (Game 1 - UVA vs. USC!).

Then the story gets weird: Read more…

Our geopolitical funny bone has been tickled to find out the United States shooting team had to receive a special note from their father (aka President George W. Bush) to Congress to take their weapons to China due to the Foreign Relations Authorization Act. We don’t understand; we were led to believe that everyone in China owned guns and sunglasses.

However, that part wasn’t our favorite bit in the letter from the President to Congress. Apparently, the gyroscopes used in NBC’s high-definition cameras are considered military technology and also had to receive special permission. We didn’t even know NBC had any military involvement since “The A-Team” was canceled in 1987.
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SbB is back on the beach, enjoying the calm, cool waters of the Caribbean.

• Does the SI Jinx also cover couples who appeared in the swimsuit issue?

• Justine Henin pulls an Annika Sorenstam, but does it much quicker.

• Funny how one innocent cheerleaders-in-undies photo can destroy an entire athletic department.

• A San Francisco Giants fan tragically dies after a one-punch fight outside the ballpark.

• President Bush shows his solidarity with U.S. soldiers by giving up golf.

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As war rages on in Iraq, and American casualties surpass the 4,000 mark, President George W. Bush shows his support of U.S. soldiers by making the ultimate sacrifice himself - he stopped playing golf.

During a White House interview on Tuesday, POLITICO caught this quote from the Free World’s leader about his decision to stay off the links while U.S. troops try to stay alive: Read more…

With Pope Benedict coming to America this week, good catholic Tommy Lasorda plans on meeting the pontiff. And this will be the third pope he claims he’s had the honor of visiting with in person.

However, Tom Hoffarth of FARTHER OFF THE WALL questions Tommy’s truthfulness of one of his papal encounters.

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Don’t be stupid, be a smarty - never videotape your perverted Nazi party.

• Does ex-New England Patriot Kenyatta Jones need a diaper on the dance floor? Depends.

• It was a hot time at last night’s Wrestlemania, and not just because Floyd Mayweather Jr. won his wrasslin’ debut.

• Anonymous sports cheap shots are only done by unsavory bloggers - and MIAMI HERALD columnist Barry Jackson.

• Looks like this Rays’ bullpen coach has the best seat in the house.

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The Furman Bisher-approved start of the 2008 MLB Season got underway Sunday night, as the Nationals debuted their new ballpark - not even waiting to give it a corporate name.