What The NCAA Really Needs Is A BCS Spokesman

According to ESPN, it looks like the NCAA’s thinking about hiring a permanent “point person” for the BCS, rather than the current system where the BCS spokesman has been the commissioner of one of the conferences on a two-year, rotating basis. That doesn’t seem like much of a problem… up until that conference commissioner has to explain to people why his team just got an unpopular spot in the national title game.

BCS logo with faces
(I think this’ll work.)

So, since we’re helpers as always, we’ve decided that the NCAA is absolutely right. The problem with the BCS system isn’t one of the myriad fundamental flaws that college football fans routinely point out, like the fact that no other sport uses a one-game system for the title or that teams who go undefeated at least deserve a shot at the title. No no, we’re going to need a spokesperson for this. Fortunately, we’ve got four candidates lined up for you.

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That All-Star “Horse” Game? Now It’s “G-E-I-C-O”

It would be easy, albeit incorrect, to say that money and major sports are “married.” They’re not. Oh, they’re involved, but this is not a healthy relationship; sports is subservient to a fault, acquiescing at every opportunity to please their master while money is constantly threatening to walk out unless sports gives up the butt. Sports takes it, of course, because sports believes it’s there to make money happen and that’s all. But at long last, money, have you no shame? Is this not too far? Has your foolish overreach not scarred sports forever?

Geico Gecko
(’Allo, I’m a cartoon gecko. I’ve been given a disarming English accent to try to sell you car insurance. My company is the worst thing to happen to the NBA since Kermit Washington wrecked Rudy Tomjanovich’s face.)

Sporting enthusiasts, cynics and naifs alike, were thrilled when the NBA announced that it was adding a game of Horse to its All-Star weekend. You know what Horse is; I don’t have to explain it to you. But joy quickly gave way to horror today when, as the USA TODAY reports, sponsorship hit a loathsome new low: Read more…