Give it to Gatorade: they know how to push Kool-Aid. Despite marketing themselves as the stuff of elite athletes, it seems like you can’t find a bloated kid without a bottle stuck to his lips these days. It’s just sugar and water. Oh, and some electrolytes that kids don’t even need.
Proving once again that FOX’s Ken Rosenthal gets to the heart of the biggest stories in MLB, he reported yesterday during the Cubs-Dodgers telecast that the Cubs are going to be getting rid of the Gatorade dispenser in their dugout after Ryan Dempster and Carlos Zambrano beat the living crap out of it in separate incidents earlier this week.
In the good old days, players just laid the wood to a garden-variety barrel that was easily replaced by a new one. But the dispenser (pictured above) is like the self-serve soda machine at your local fast-food joint — an actual mechanism that requires a service call to fix if it’s blasted with 35 ounces of maple. And, “in this economy,” the Cubs decided they didn’t want to have to keep calling the repairman to come put the thing back together.
Dempster, in a somewhat hilarious interview (video after the jump), says the dispenser will be missed but has to share in some of the blame.
As such, Tiger apparently needs a constant supply of Gatorade’s carbs or electrolytes or theanine or whatever it is they put in their multi-colored beverages. And that is why Tiger has come to rely on his own personal on-the-greens Gatorade Lady.
This weekend is a pretty big one for golf fans across the world. It will mark the first time since June of last year at the U.S. Open that the great Tiger Woodswill grace a PGA Tour event with his presence. All of a sudden, golf matters again.
Of course, as a real golf fan you can’t just sit back and be happy that Tiger is back. You need something to commemorate the occasion. You need something that will prove to other Tiger fans that you’re a much bigger fan than the rest. You need Tiger’s DNA, and, according to SPORTING NEWS and USA TODAY’s GAME ON, you can have it for only $25,000.
Ed Price of the NEW JERSEY STAR-LEDGER spotted an odd sign at U.S. Celluar Field (née New Comiskey) in Chicago this week: “NO BOTTLED WATER ON THE BENCH“. Using un-blogger-like investigative skills, he tracked down the reason for the ban on the dangerous liquid: it would make Gatorade very angry.
Gatorade paid a lot for their product to be shown prominently cupping the mouths of Major League ballplayers. If they don’t get their money shot, they will have to seriously consider taking their business elsewhere. And what will dehydrating baseball players do without their electrolyte delivery vehicles? (Besides laying off the caffeine, we mean.)
Cade’s $43 of drink supplies in 1965 hath now wrought a multi-billion dollar sports drink industry. We all know what Cade was up to in the beginning - supplying a drink that would effectively replace bodily fluids lost during a football game.But the AP has a few more tidbits:
• Cade on the first batch: “I guzzled it and I vomited.” Researcher Dana Shires: “It sort of tasted like toilet bowl cleaner.”
• “It was first tested on freshmen because (Florida) Coach Ray Graves didn’t want to hurt the varsity team.”
Cade didn’t only help the Gator football team with his research. He also studied hypertension and schizophrenia, presumably to aid and assist all those well-balanced UF football fans we adore.