Speed Read: Is Tom Cable About To Get Hacked?

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any weirder in Raiderland, the Internets are buzzing over a report published on NATIONAL FOOTBALL POST yesterday that cites anonymous sources detailing exactly what Tom Cable did to assistant Randy Hanson. If you aren’t familiar with what’s going on, we told you that Cable is alleged to have punched Hanson in the jaw during a meeting on August 5th. And if the latest report is anywhere close to being true, Cable won’t need to worry about his quarterback controversy, or anything else Raider related, anymore.

Tom Cable, Randy Hanson

First, here’s the nitty gritty:

According to the source, Cable knocked Hanson out of his chair and up against the wall and into a cabinet. Cable and Hanson fell to the floor, where Hanson was choked, the source said, and Cable was pulled off Hanson by the other men before Cable went after Hanson again.

“Cable said, ‘I am going to kill you, I am going to kill you,’ as he was choking him,’’ according to the source, who also said furniture in the room was damaged.

Hanson’s jaw is reportedly broken, and he also reportedly had to undergo further treatment in the emergency room on Wednesday night, a full two weeks after the August 5th incident. Cable could be facing a felony assault charge if everything is as it seems. If charges are filed, one has to think that Roger Goodell would invoke the “personal conduct” policy and at least force Cable to take a leave of absence, if not ban him altogether.

Roger Goodell

(”Why couldn’t you just ‘make it rain’ instead, Tom?”)

If it’s proven that Tom Cable choked Randy Hanson and broke his jaw, should he lose his job?

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Things are complicated, however, by the fact that Hanson doesn’t seem like the most stable guy on the face of the Earth. In fact, he only decided to cooperate with police and NFL investigations when he was told by Davis that he wouldn’t be able to return to his assistant position. He had hoped that the matter would be addressed internally, and that he’d be given his job back. The alleged assault came when Cable told Hanson that he was being demoted from his job as defensive backs coach and would instead by breaking down film and wouldn’t be allowed on the field.

If Hanson’s name sounds familiar, it’s because it is. Just weeks into last season, Lane Kiffin’s tenure with Oakland started to become unraveled when he suspended Hanson for “personal issues.” Hanson claimed that he was subsequently ostracized by Kiffin and wasn’t being allowed to perform any coaching duties. This angered Al Davis, who used Kiffin’s suspension of Hanson without his knowledge as an example of “insubordination.”

Lane Kiffin wipes face

Now, Hanson is experiencing déjà vu. From the NFP story:

Cable had been working to reduce Hanson’s role for months, the source said. Cable said that Hanson had been confusing the Raiders’ defensive backs, and Cable held a closed-door meeting with the cornerbacks and safeties and just himself. That led to a meeting between Cable and Hanson in Hanson’s room, and later a meeting with coaches after Cable had instructed Hanson not to come to practice.

Anything can happen once, but Hanson has been basically told to take a hike by two coaches now, which means that there’s probably something wrong with him. But is it worthy of getting his jaw broken? If Cable is charged, he’ll have to decide if his defense will be “I didn’t do it” or “he got what he deserved.” For what it’s worth, it looks like Cable was coming to the defense of his defensive coordinator, John Marshall, who NFP said was being verbally abused by Hanson.

Also complicating matters is the fact that the particulars of NFP’s story aren’t being corroborated independently by anyone at this point. Every other story I can find about the situation references the NFP story as its main source. The writer of the story, Brad Biggs, just joined NFP earlier this month, though he has written about the Bears for the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES for several years. I don’t think there’s any reason to doubt any of Biggs’ assertions, but it is a bit curious that none of the major newspapers in the Bay Area have confirmed any of these new details with their own reporting. Or maybe they just think Hanson’s crazy and not worthy of further publicity.

Randy Hanson

(It’s not a good sign when this is the only photo of you on the entire Internet.) 

The last time the United States hosted the World Cup, in 1994, O.J. Simpson stole its thunder and most of America ignored the whole thing. But now, with momentum for the sport building in the states, the U.S. is bidding to host either the 2018 or 2022 event (2022 seems more likely), and as part of the bid must come up with 12-18 stadiums to be used.

Yesterday, the list was trimmed down from 45 venues to 32, and contains, as you might expect, many of the largest and most modern NFL stadiums, as well as a smattering of others. Among those still on the list are the Rose Bowl, which hosted the ‘94 final, as well as the new stadiums in Arlington, East Rutherford, and Indianapolis. A few college-only stadiums are under consideration as well, including Michigan Stadium, Stanford Stadium, and Husky Stadium in Seattle.

Michigan Stadium

(Is there enough room for a full-size soccer field here between the brick walls?)

The dregs of the list include Detroit’s Ford Field (which shouldn’t really host any sort of championship football), domed stadiums like the Edward Jones Dome and the Georgia Dome, and the Oakland Mausoleum, which probably (hopefully) won’t exist in 2022.

Among those cities taken off the list were Salt Lake City, Las Vegas (sports bettors still can’t get used to a game where an over/under might actually be set at “0″), and the soccer-crazed town of Fayetteville, Arkansas (could you see Ghana and Portugal going to play a game in Fayetteville?). Unfortunately, Arkansas’ exclusion will further complicate Alan Partridge’s “soccermeter” should he give it another go in 2022:

• If “disgruntled” was a stat, there’s no doubt that Gary Sheffield would lead all of baseball in that category over the last 20 years. But he seems to have a point this time. The NY DAILY NEWS says Sheffield is confused that the Mets withdrew his name from waivers after another team made a claim, but also told him that he’s not in their plans for next season. It’s somewhat bizarre, considering the Mets are paying him $400,000 this year, that they wouldn’t just let him go. Especially if they could trade him for some sort of mid-to-low level prospect to a contender. Sheff’s Chefs are particularly unamused.

Sheff's Chefs

• If you’ve ever wanted to have a guy in a mascot suit take you for a piggy back ride, you’ll think twice after watching this. There are few things more hilarious than a good, solid, mascot accident:

• The NCAA is furious that a judge has ruled that documents relating to an investigation into academic fraud at Florida State are public record and FSU should have unfettered access to them, according to the ORLANDO SENTINEL.

• The Cubs are, finally, about to get Ricketts.

• An eight-year-old British kid named Tiger Brewer became the youngest person ever to stand on top of a plane while it’s flying around. This is apparently called “wing walking.” His parents are named Colin and Zoe if you’re wondering who’s trying to come up with a creative way to off their own kid.

• Ex-Major Leaguer Scott Spiezio is trying to work his way back from issues with drugs and alcohol, and is doing so in the Golden Baseball League. The LA TIMES caught up with him as he tries to repair his reputation.

Chad Ochocinco is about to change his middle name to “Gramatica,” after kicking a perfect extra point and booming a kickoff inside the 10:

• Earlier in the game, Randy Cross produced some fine artwork with the telestrator. KISSING SUZY KOLBER has the screenshot.

• The NEW YORK TIMES says baseball is likely to toy with the idea of an NBA-style system in which draft picks have pre-determined salaries based on where they are picked in the next Collective Bargaining Agreement. This, of course, is at odds with baseball’s general open-market attitude, but might be easier to negotiate than a salary cap.

• Vote early and often: FANTASY BASEBALL DUGOUT’s “Hottest Baseball Wife” poll is underway, and 2009’s winner will be crowned on August 31st. Mark DeRosa’s wife, Heidi, is the defending champ and seems to be running away with it this year as well. Some of the pics on the site aren’t exactly flattering (Jordan Schneider looks like she’s in the Zapruder film), so here’s a better photo of the scrappy underdog, Ashley Eckstein:

Ashley Eckstein

Ex-MLBers To Play Drug Dealers In Upcoming Film

Imagine you’re a small-time actor who wants to make a mob movie. You’ve written a script, you’ve borrowed a camera, you’ve got moxie out the wazoo. All you need now is money and actors, and you’re well on your way to an Academy Award. Where to go from there?

Bronson Arroyo
(Crappy pitcher, crappy musician, soon-to-be crappy movie producer)

If you’re actor William Demeo, you turn to the group of people with the best combination of money, delusions of grandeur, and free time - that’s right, professional athletes. Demeo’s making a mob movie called “The Sixth Family”, and apparently it’s going to star half of Major League Baseball.

Read more…

Speed Read: Broncos Done Foolin’ with Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler has moved from snit fit to full-on martyrdom and Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen has chosen to accommodate the young quarterback and search for a trade partner, thus saving Broncos fans from competency at the quarterback position.

Jay Cutler Broncos

(Sign language is still communication, right?)

Chris Simms will stand as the only vaguely quarterback-like substance on the roster, pending trade returns, after Cutler and his agent would not even return text messages for ten days (or so claimed by the Broncos organization).

While this seems superficially about placating the petulant, it would be disastrous to employ the Marcel Marceau of quarterbacks this fall if he continues his silent ways. There would be no playcalling, no leadership, and no franchise-polishing post-game quotes. For that, the Broncos could just look up Joey Harrington.

Also abandoning ship: just about every recruit formerly headed to the University of Memphis. John Calipari’s move to the University of Kentucky has most recruits for next year’s class eying the escape clause in their letters of intent that lets them wiggle free if Calipari squirms out as well.

John Calipari

(The Sweet’n'Low is also coming with him to Lexington)

With Tyreke Evans already on his way to the NBA and everyone else on the team either graduating or looking for a new school, the University of Memphis basketball team may have to outfit the equipment manager, three physical education majors, and Marc Cohn himself.

(Sure, Cohn only has one move, but he closes out every night with it.)

And now join us for a hail of bullets on the day each year the entire Internet is racked with inaccuracies, tall tales, and outright lies (and actually admits it) as we remember how the pros handle this tomfoolery

Bemidji, MN Paul Bunyan and Babe

Ron Artest at a Britney Spears concert

Jay Cutler’s next home will be…

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Tigers Tortured with Possibility of One More Day

Back in Spring Training many of the baseball experts had predicted the Detroit Tigers with their big name additions would be playing baseball beyond September 28th, the last day of the regular season. While the experts have been wrong about a plethora of predictions, this is one that they may very well have correctly called. Sort of.

Gary Sheffield

The Tigers and their 86 losses are on deck to play a make-up game on Monday against the Chicago White Sox, if the current half-game margin that separates the Sox from the first place Minnesota Twins stands after today’s games.

While the rest of the teams who didn’t perform well enough to make the playoffs get to go home and get in their golf shorts or fishing hats or beds filled with attractive and possibly disease-free females, the Tigers could be throwing on the blue and orange jerseys one last time.

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Gary Sheffield Will Have Revenge On Cleveland

If I’m making a list of athletes who I want not want vowing revenge against me, Gary Sheffield would be right at the top. So I wouldn’t want to be Fausto Carmona or the rest of the Cleveland Indians after they were involved in a bench-clearing brawl with the mercurial Tigers on Friday night.

Fausto Carmona pummels Gary Sheffield

In terms of baseball fights, this was a pretty good one - actually punches, not the usual “everyone charges out of the bullpen to slow dance with each other” thing. It was a slow-boiling brawl, starting after Carmona hit Sheffield in the seventh inning. Sheffield and Carmona jawed as Sheffield went to first, but it didn’t blow up until after a pick-off throw to first.

Video after the jump.

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Sheffield Possible Hitter of 250,000th MLB Homer

The fine folks over at BASEBALL-REFERENCE.COM have undertaken the mammoth task of attempting to document every home run hit in Major League history. By their count, Gary Sheffield’s second-inning grand slam off of Oakland starter Gio Gonzalez on Monday night was the 250,000th in Major League history (dating to 1876). But is it really #250K? And does it even matter?

Gary Sheffield

B-R’s website dedicated to the pursuit provides the following disclaimer:

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Thorne Won’t Be Guarding Borders Anytime Soon

During Wednesday morning’s Boston-Oakland tilt in Tokyo, ESPN thoughtfully took the time to promote another of its televised events: Saturday’s Civil Rights Game against the White Sox and Mets. Steve Phillips made a compelling argument after the Civil Rights Game promo for the progress of minorities in baseball in the last half-century or so:

Phillips noted the Detroit Tigers could reasonably field a starting nine that did not have a single white person. As he rattled off the starters for such a squad (including Ivan Rodriguez, Magglio Ordoñez, Curtis Granderson, and Jacque Jones), he built a strong case for the widening influence of baseball internationally and shrinking domestic (i.e., African-American) influence.

Gary Thorne’s wizened response? “Pretty good international team.”

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Mitchell Report Posted Clemens Highlights Noted

MITCH REPORT FINDS ONE LESS STRIPPER GOT MO’S MONEY: Time to curl up with the Mitchell Report!

Mo Vaughn

UPDATE: After now having had time to scan the report, there’s nothing new in there about Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa.Keep in mind that just because players are listed in the report (and as listed below) does not mean that the report concluded that those players took or purchased steroids. In many cases, player names (like, for instance, Jeff Kent) are cited only in reference to media reports. Kent didn’t do anything wrong, but was quoted making a comment about MLB combating the problem of performance enhancing drugs.

Not that we were expecting anything, but the report, besides the Clemens injections, is a letdown. Not much to get excited about. No major superstars implicated (what a surprise!).

Players of note from the Mitchell Report’s “Alleged Internet Purchases of Performance Enhancing Substances By Players in Major League Baseball“:

Jerry Hairston, Jr.
Scott Schoeneweis
Paul Byrd
Matt Williams
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Rick Ankiel
Jose Guillen
John Rocker
Darren Holmes
Gary Matthews, Jr.
Jose Canseco
Jason Grimsley
Ismael Valdez
Steve Woodard

Players of note from the Mitchell Report’s “Information Regarding Purchases or Use of Performance Enhancing Substances by Players in Major League Baseball“:

Roger Clemens
Andy Pettitte
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Matt Herges
Miguel Tejada
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Fernando Vina
Kent Mercker
Mike Lansing
Todd Hundley
Brendan Donnelly
David Segui
Gary Bennett, Jr.
Paul LoDuca
Rondell White
Chuck Knoblauch
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Lenny Dykstra
Kevin Young

NOT in the report:
Albert Pujols
Johnny Damon
Jeff Bagwell
Brady Anderson
Bret Boone
Aaron Boone
Milton Bradley
Carl Everett
Andruw Jones
Manny Ramirez

Here’s the Roger Clemens mentions of note in the Mitchell Report (DEADSPIN has a full-size version):

Roger Clemens Mitchell Report
Roger Clemens Mitchell Report

And finally, we salute our favorite Dodger of all-time:

Mitchell Report Paul LoDuca

No, thank YOU Paul (LoDuca)!

Two Scantily Clad Women Make A Scene After Spending Night With Jeter

#2 MORE CONSIDERED ABOUT PITCH, CATCH THAN LADIES?: The NEW YORK POST has a story this morning that seems to validate Derek Jeter’s sexual prowess.

Derek Jeter ARod Alex Rodriguez

Page Six reports that early Sunday morning there were “two scantily clad women screaming at the front desk because they had spent the night at Jeter’s penthouse and were then charged for parking.

Pretty cool, eh? But no one actually saw Jeter at that time. He was though seen at a couple nightclubs in South Beach that weekend, “surrounded by throngs of women five rows deep. He was hanging with a guy friend, though, and didn’t seem to take much interest in the hordes of ladies.

Derek Jeter Gary Sheffield

And at a place called Skybar, Jeter’s pals “took over the table in the back and drank Grey Goose all night. Five girls were dancing around him, but he didn’t seem interested.

Derek Jeter

We’re starting to get the real picture of Jeter now - he just can’t let go of the bats and balls.

Charlie Weis Back In Court De La Hoya To Lose Weight

• Paging Doug Llewelyn: THE WIZARD OF ODDS opens the chambers to Round 2 of Charlie Weis’ malpractice suit:

Charlie Weis Peoples Court

• SIGNAL TO NOISE is colored confused by Gary Sheffield’s recent comments that Derek Jeter “ain’t all the way black.”

• Paging Jenny Craig: RUMORS AND RANTS reports that Oscar de la Hoya plans to move back to the welterweight division:

Oscar de la Hoya Jenny Craig

• Get the Lead Out: The ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS reports Lance Armstrong & Floyd Landis appear ready to face off in the Leadville 100 mountain bike race in Colorado.

• 100% INJURY RATE smacks its gums about the latest in-style offerings of mouthguards:


• NYJER PLEASE via BIZ OF BASEBALL has example #5,280 of the Commander In Chief not having command of his vocabulary.

• Neil Best of NEW YORK NEWSDAY is shocked (shocked!) to discover that Eva Longoria is more exciting than Roger Federer:

Eva Longoria Roger Federer

• Like the Energizer Bunny, PACKERS REPORT is charged up with news that Brett Favre may keep going and going and going….

• LION IN OIL makes some new friends as the Indianapolis Colts start their own version of MySpace:

Colts Fans

• ULTIMATE BEARS FAN is getting excited for the season premiere of “Monday Night Ditka”.