You, sir! Yes you, the poor schlub with $13.26 to his name, pointing to himself and mouthing the word “me?” to me! You may be a fat destitute, loser - we’re just assuming the fat part, but this is America, so that guess is pretty solid - but you can still watch the most exciting sports in the world!

Yes, it’s time once again for our weekly feature on the best deals in all of sports. ALL OF SPORTS, people! It’s winter now, and that means it’s time to head indoors to watch our sports, where they’re… played on ice. People! We’re supposed to be trying to get out of the cold, not play our sports on them! Luckily, the abject disgust Americans have for the frozen pond means the savings get passed on to you!

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Howdy, folks. It’s been a week since we last brought you the cheapest seats on STUBHUB.COM that we could find, and rest assured that we haven’t rested in our search to bring you live event entertainment. Because why sit at home with your family/pets/silverware when you can actually go to a game, get slaughtered on concession prices, and then sit in traffic for 3 hours on the way home? Exactly, it’s a no-brainer; you go to the game.

First off, let’s honor one of the great traditions in all of sport: homecoming! No, not the high school homecoming, where the oldest you can come back for the game without being kind of creepy and pervy is 19. We’re talking about college homecoming, where all the students are legal, and if you’re going to come home for a game, why not do it in the exciting, picturesque (we’re assuming) Mid-American Conference?

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You! Yes, you, with the comically small amount of money! Would you like to attend an actual “sporting event” with “nationally recognized teams” and the possibility of seeing a “professional sports superstar”? Fret not! SbB@3 will put you in the cheapest seats imaginable, so you can have the privilege of squinting at millionaires who gave up on their season… often before it even began!

Our first special sporting event comes from sunny Los Angeles, the city where even the ugly people are beautiful. There resides sporting’s pre-eminent international man of intrigue, David Beckham. What would you pay to watch the superstar reinvent the sport of soccer for this great country? $500? $1,000? $55,000? Nay, nay, and nay!

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