Week In Review: So Long, Simona Halep’s Hooters

• Romanian teen tennis player Simona Halep goes through on her threat to get a breast reduction. We’ll never look at her the same way again.

Simona Halep's First Photo After Breast Reduction Surgery

• Chiefs RB Larry Johnson spends his offseason in Las Vegas, where he’s buying large champagne bottles for some thirsty ladies.

• The Ultimate Warrior shares his thoughts on the late Michael Jackson.

• Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers grabs himself a girlfriend in gorgeous grapefruit heiress Julie Henderson.

• Italian swimmer Flavia Zoccari feels more cheeky than usual, as her swimsuit splits at the seat during a meet.

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71-Yr-Old Ex-Boxer Brutalizes Would-Be Burglar

• A 71-year-old former boxing champ beats & bruises a 23-year-old knife-wielding would-be burglar. The kid should’ve stayed off his lawn.

Frank Corti Gregory McCalium

• The New York Mets get on the bus and stop a 5-game losing streak. Too bad their next bus stop ended up at a Furries convention.

Landon Donovan releasing new book that bashes David Beckham.

• A Cubs fan vows to go on a semi-hunger strike until the Baby Bears win 5 in a row. It was nice knowing ya, pal.

• It’s like the old saying goes: Mexican midget wrestlers & hookers just don’t mix.

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Elderly Boxing Champ Beats Up Would-Be Burglar

Making a living through crime is most assuredly not as exciting in reality as it is on TV and in movies. On film, career criminals live a high life of international intrigue as they fence rare antiquities or cut a debonair image as an international cat burglar. In reality, career criminals are often stupid junkies with no education, work ethic, or morals. They prey on the weakest and most vulnerable, not out of cunning but out of cowardice and laziness.

Frank Corti Gregory McCalium

23-year-old Brit Gregory McCalium probably thought he hit some sort of criminal jackpot when he broke into his elderly neighbors’ house as they slept. What he didn’t know was that one of his 71-year-old neighbors just so happened to be a championship boxer back in the day. Hilarity, as they say, ensued.

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