“What’s the matter with Kansas?” It’s a question that was first asked in 1896 by journalist William Allen White and, well, hasn’t really stopped being asked since. Thomas Frank used the question as the title of his landmark 2004 book regarding the state’s curious political fortunes, and it was asked all too often by Jayhawks fans about their alma mater’s football program - or was until Mark Mangino came along.
(They’re in Kansas and they’re cheerleaders. Close enough. We don’t need another visit from Chris Hansen.)
But today we’ve gotta wonder what the heck is going on with the Sunflower State’s high school students. Last week we found out about a group of jackass high school football players who thought it would be fun to jam some Icy-Hot up a freshman’s fanny, and this week? Well, this week in Wacky Kansas High School Hi-Jinks, it’s all about the Andover Central High School cheerleader orgy. Or something.
We’re big fans of Shaq. Have been for years. It’s not just that he’s been one of the most dominant players in NBA history, of course. It’s all the other stuff - the police raids, the White House pop-ins, the Twitterness, the David Beckham “feud”. Just as recently as last week, you warmed our hearts with your Conan O’Brien dance contest. We’ll always love you and your wacky, attention-whoring ways.
But while we hope you succeed at beating everyone at everything in your new, narcissistic reality show ventures, we’ve found a new favorite NBA player to watch and be entertained by. No, not Ron Artest. And jeez, no, of course it’s not Starbury. No, we’re talking about Bulls rookie James Johnson, who has assumed the crown - for now - of the awesomest player in the NBA. Not only is he an actual multi-discipline athlete - an undefeated kickboxer/MMA fighter - he’s a dancing machine … who thankfully for us, showed off his breakdancing skills on YouTube.
(Video after the jump.)