If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Deputy Barney Fife became a ringside television boxing reporter — and I know you have — then you need to see the video following the jump, below, of HBO’s Max Kellerman.

Kellerman has absolutely no intention of letting Floyd Mayweather speak following the boxer’s victory over Juan Manuel Marquez on Saturday. When Shane Mosley breaks in and wants to jaw with Mayweather, Kellerman does the broadcasting equivalent of fumbling in his shirt pocket for a bullet, before cutting Mayweather off completely. Reaction around the Internets has been pretty harsh on the former ESPN “Around the Horn” host.

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Sure, I’ve read over and over again about how bad the economy is. I know that people are losing their jobs, businesses are shutting down and people are hurting. But this story in the LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL really brings it home: apparently, things are so bad that millionaire athletes can’t afford to “make it rain” at Las Vegas nightclubs. Damn it, we’re bailing out Detroit, why can’t we bail out Las Vegas?

Branden Powers, a partner and director of marketing at Poetry nightclub at the Forum Shops at Caesers, saying that Vegas is “drying up” in terms of big money spenders coming to exclusive nightclubs. He estimated that business was off by 25 to 40 percent in December, and the practice of big shot athletes “making it rain” by tossing wads of hundred dollar bills into the crowd is almost non-existent:

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SPORTAPHILE reports confirmation that 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather recently had a slap fight street brawl during a celebrity basketball game held by Mayweather. (”I’m beatin’ your #*%#$ for the children, Fitty.”)

(The cheeky young boys in better times)

Apparently, someone reneged on a prop bet (first to immolate their career with ridiculous choices?) and these two fine young men debated in the traditional format for a hardcore rapper and a boxing champion: Oxford rules.
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A nice pair of new kicks can make anyone — man or woman — feel good about their day. Nine pairs of new shoes that cost a total of $4,600? Well, I can’t say that should make you feel nine times as good. It would, however, help you remember the words to “Waterfalls,” apparently.

Yes, the LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL reports that Rozonda Thomas (better known as “Chilli” from TLC, and not to be confused with the crazy and now deceased member of the group who burned down Andre Rison’s House, though ironically that was also about shoes) went on a shoe-buying spree with Floyd Mayweather Jr. to the tune of $4,600. Read more…

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS uncovers the secret to Floyd Mayweather’s Saturday success over Ricky Hatton - Junior Danced to the ring with Stars Mark Cuban, Wayne Newton & Helio Castroneves:

• Speaking of the fight, Mr. Flip of the BALTIMORE SUN wasn’t thrilled with the Cockney crowd’s reaction to the Star-Spangled Banner. He suggests the next time a British boxer comes to Vegas, start the proceedings with this melody.• The BBC learns how modern the Beijing Olympics are, as seats are being scalped online.

• Oh, behave! AOL FANHOUSE thinks it’s groovy that given the choice, St. Louis Blues winger Brad Boyes would prefer to shag Elizabeth Hurley:

• Darren Rovell of CNBC wonders why Brett Favre isn’t being used so much to sell, sell, sell.• 100% INJURY RATE tosses out the red cards for this in-game soccer riot in Serbia.

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY thanks God that Tim Tebow won the Heisman, ensuring the Florida QB with many years of mediocrity to come:

• MR. IRRELEVANT highlights a tribute video of their new favorite drink-slash-Redskins QB Tom Collins.• THE ANGRY T wants their money back, as they go through the best and worst sports ticket deals.

• The KALAMAZOO GAZETTE rolls out the red carpet for Derek Jeter, as the Yankees star will soon be in town for his induction into his high school’s hall of fame:

• YOU BEEN BLINDED pulls no punches that Mike Tyson wants Ricky Hatton to beat Floyd Mayweather Jr.• EVIL BEET GOSSIP hits the jackpot, as LeBron James tops the list of Forbes’ 20 Richest Stars Under 25.

• 100% INJURY RATE gets W-I-L-D with Steve Kerr and the rest of the ‘88 Arizona ‘Cats:

• Sad blog news - BIG TEN TAILGATE is being shut down by the conference suits from Chicago.• No close shave here: The WASHINGTON POST trims up news that the Wizards’ DeShawn Stevenson and the Cavs’ Drew Gooden are in the middle of a beard-growing contest.

• L’Chaim! JEN’S FREE THROWS tosses up some happy Hanukkah wishes from chosen NBA stars:

• FANBLOGS wants some bang for their buck, as Minnesota had the most expensive football wins - or win - this season.• WRIGLEYVILLE 23 discovers how Miguel Cabrera learned about his trade to Detroit: Ozzie Guillen’s wife told him.

ROBIN LEACHES ON TO SAC KINGS OWNER’S HOUSE PARTY: Just when you thought you were safe from champagne wishes and caviar dreams, Robin Leach is back with a vengance. And he’s schmoozing aloofly with the Maloofs:

Robin recently landed at the housewarming party of Gavin Maloof, co-owner of the Sacramento Kings and the Palms Casino. The celebration of Gavin’s new Vegas digs had everything - Playboy bunnies, rap stars, and an A-list of celebrity athletes, all with photos to prove it!There was Barry Bonds looking for the juice bar, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. hiding out from Barack Obama. Cowboy buds Terrell Owens and Tony Romo were trying to hook up on passes, and Ron Artest was being his usual polite self.

We also thought Steelers kicker Jeff Reed had made an appearance, but turns out it was only Larry Rudolph, the ex-manager of Britney Spears.And even the Kings Dance Team was there, shaking and shimmying their money makers while in splendid silver.

If you were there, feel free to drop a congratulatory note on their MySpace page.And what of the actual house? Let Mr. Leach tell us in his own personable way (just picture the nasally accent):

“It’s a mind-blowing, multi-million dollar palace perfect for a platinum playboy, and so luxurious and lavishly large you need a chauffeur-driven Segway scooter to go three floors from the upstairs bedroom’s balconies to the sub-level private movie-theater!

It comes complete with a swimming pool so long you could light a runway catwalk down it and still have room to stage a rock band at the other end!”

There, wasn’t that nice? Need some aspirin? Or a handgun to blow your brains out? Both are in the cabinet.

REPORT: REID WANTS DE LA HOYA TO RUN FOR NV OFFICE: RED STATE (consider the source) reports Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) is “working to recruit boxing legend Oscar de la Hoya to run against (U.S. Representative Jon) Porter in 2008.”

It probably won’t happen, considering De la Hoya is still looking to milk his boxing career for 1-2 more big money fights - like the fraud that was his square dance with Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

Not to mention ODLH’s documented legal issues, which include, according to R-S:

• “De la Hoya was sued by his former fiancé for palimony, a case in which the woman accused him of violating a restraining order. She and De la Hoya had a daughter prior to their split.”

• “He was also accused of raping a 15 year old girl in a Cabo San Lucas hotel room in 1996. De La Hoya denied the rape charge, but settled with the woman out-of-court.“

• The folks at FARK TV sense some technical foul play with their Tim Donaghy take in “Goodfoulers”:

• LARRY BROWN SPORTS checks their pocket watch so they know when to join Merrill Hoge at 11 O’Cock.

• 100% INJURY RATE looks for the earplugs, as Floyd Mayweather Jr. is ready to sucker-punch the public with a new album.

• THE WIZARD OF ODDS is feeling blue (and gold), as Alaska’s Barrow High School football team gets their own Smurf Turf:

• HALOS HEAVEN was almost too busy reading about the Yankees and Red Sox to notice the Angels’ Garret Anderson complain about East Coast bias.

• TV PREDICTIONS adjusts the contrast, as “World Series of Poker” host Norman Chad wonders why we need to see the 3 of clubs in high-def.

• POP JOCKS spots a heavenly figure, as the Mother Teresa card sells for almost $11,000:

• But don’t worry if you missed out, as EPIC CARNIVAL offers up a signed baseball by those paragons of virtue - Darryl Strawberry & Jason Giambi.

• THE ANGRY T gets off the (Tim) Couch to give us their NFL All-Bust Team.

• SIGNAL TO NOISE sees Kobe turning into Dickie V with his fawning praise of Coack K.:

• Gary West of the FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM goes ape in seeing visions of sports celebrities at the local zoo.

• Nick Saban’s got a group of kids to make him proud, as NBC-13 in Birmimgham reports another Alabama player has been arrested - the 4th within the past 2 months.

FLOYD JR. FLAKES OUT OF OWN FREAKIN’ CHARITY EVENT: RAW VEGAS cooks up news that Floyd Mayweather Jr. didn’t show up to his own charity fundraiser:

The Sin City site had a reporter standing by on the red carpet for the Floyd Mayweather Jr. Foundation event. But he became red with rage himself when Floyd did a no-show.

Among those also not appearing as scheduled were rapper 50 Cent, baller Allen Iverson, actor Jamie Foxx and “singer” Don Johnson.

Now, you *know* the former “Miami Vice” star shouldn’t be busy enough to skip out of this gala celebration.

Well, at least *this* boxer isn’t afraid to make a grand entrance (and exit):

This guy should start a charitable organization of his own, in the hopes of finding a cure for getting in the ring properly.