Bears WR Blatantly Using Performance Enhancers

As much publicity as things like anabolic steroids and HGH have gotten in recent years, the dark truth of professional sports is that performance-enhancing substances take many, evil forms. The fact of the matter is that marginal prospects will do anything to hang onto the gravy train that is a pro athlete lifestyle; it sure as hell beats going to the drugstore to sell Flair pens every morning.

Devin Aromashodu

The desperate athlete is a dangerous creature indeed; he cares not for his reputation or well-being. Sadly, a shameful example of this sort of despicable behavior has come to light in the otherwise Utopian city of Chicago. End-o’-the-roster Bears WR Devin Aromashodu (Gesundheit!), who is currently trying to avoid being the odd man out amongst the six WRs currently on the team, has attempted to gain an unfair advantage over his peers. The details are shocking and horrifying, and are therefore hidden after the jump.

Read more…

Steal From Tom Brady, And It May Come To This

Meet Dennis Pavia, an ex-con who just had brain surgery and says he can’t work. Recently he was caught taking two planter boxes from the back of Tom Brady’s Boston condominium, and now has to panhandle to make the $4,000 restitution. Buddy, can you spare a dime for Tom Brady?

Dennis Pavia

Everyone involved pretty much agrees that the whole thing was a mistake — Pavia says the planters were right next to the trash, and he sold them to a recycling center. But he was caught on video surveillance, admitted to theft as part of a plea deal, and a Boston Municipal Court judge ordered him to pay restitution. Meanwhile, Brady, who will make $30 million this year in salary and endorsements, according to the BOSTON HERALD, was taking wife¬†Gisele Bundchen and son Jack to Disneyland. Read more…