Brother Of OSU’s Rolle Doesn’t Take Losses Well

If you were lucky enough to score tickets to the big USC-Ohio State tussle in Columbus, kudos. Some interested parties, however, decided to watch the game from the comfort of their local Indian casino. William Rolle, (below, left) the older brother of  Buckeyes linebacker Brian Rolle, was one of those.

William Rolle, Brian Rolle

One might say that William did not take the result in stride. A few hours following the Trojans’ 18-15 win, Rolle went on a bit of a rampage, resulting in the requisite tasering and kicking of interior police car windows.

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Today’s Mother-Daughter Cheerleader Beatdown

The place: Florida (naturally). The school: Tarpon Springs High. Meet Karen J. Wood and her daughter, Kyersten Wood. They enjoy participating in many activities together, such as scrapbooking, biking, and administering beatings to Kyersten’s high school cheerleading coach.

Karen J. Wood

Mom, 41, and daughter, 16, were arrested after Tarpon Springs police say the pair assaulted the girl’s cheerleading coach, Sharell Ortiz, 34, at Jasmine Sports Complex. The attack was evidently retaliation for a fight between Kyersten Wood and Ortiz’s daughter at a football game. Read more…

Death Match ‘09: Alonzo Mourning Vs. Janet Reno

Alonzo Mourning had a long and distinguished career as a basketball player, it’s true. He was a 7-time All-Star, an NBA champion, and has an Olympic gold medal. He’s good. But in our minds there will always be two and only two things that we think of when someone says the name Alonzo Mourning: The fact he played basketball after getting a new kidney (that takes some guts), and, well, this:

Charles Oakley Alonzo Mourning Jeff Van Gundy

Between those two things, he’s always seemed like more of a caricature than a living, breathing basketball-playing human being. It’s not that we don’t take him seriously as a player, it’s just … well, those are the things that come to mind. So hearing that Miami-Dade County, Florida is planning on naming a freakin’ high school after the guy came, as you might imagine, as a slight surprise. Especially when it’s coming at the expense of the nation’s first female Attorney General, Janet Reno.

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Jimmy Smith Avoids Jail (For Now) On DUI Charge

Somewhere, in a secret library not accessible to non-famous types (Scientology Celebrity Centre, maybe?), there is a book titled The Celebrity Guide To Handling Embarrassing Legal Trouble. We’ve never seen this book but we’re pretty sure it has to exist. How else do you explain every single celebrity working from the same script after getting arrested? Deny, deny, deny…all the way up until you’re caught. Then apologize, cry, invoke God, and claim you’ve learned your lesson just by getting caught. It’s like a naughty 5-year old with millions of dollars and a coke habit.

Jimmy Smith

Take former NFL WR Jimmy Smith, for instance. Last year, Smith was popped for DUI and pot possession. Hardly the worst offenses on the planet, but the combination of the two would likely land a less-prominent defendant in the clink. For the Jaguars’ all-time leading receiver, however? Can you say “celebrity status?”

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Fla. Group Fighting For HS Cheerleaders’ Rights

A couple days ago, Floridian disaster was narrowly averted when Florida International University announced that their cherished cheerleading squad would be spared the budgetary axe. It was a victory for sports fans, Florida International University fans if such people exist, and fans of cheerleading (and cheerleaders). Heck, as far as we’re concerned (sports and girls…perhaps you’ve noticed, but that’s kind of our thing) it was a victory for all mankind.

FIU cheerleaders bikini car wash

(Protesting cheerleaders. The picture is actually relevant, we swear!)

But now, perhaps emboldened by the FIU cheerleaders’ triumph, a Florida-based gender equity group is attempting to get cheerleading classified as a fully-sanctioned high school sport. Note to Florida-based gender equity group: don’t push it.

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Former Pro Wrestler Beats Kids For Father’s Day

According to the Hallmark Cards website, “A Babylonian youth named Elmesu carved the first known Father’s Day card in clay nearly 4,000 years ago. His special message wished his father good health and a long life.” Since that ancient card-thingy, celebrations of father-child relationships have taken many forms. In Germany, the traditional Father’s Day celebration includes a men’s-only hiking tour in which the hikers pull one or more small wooden wagons containing beer and sausage. (No, really.) In many parts of the United States, the occasion calls for chintzy cards and bad neckties.

WWF Killer Bees (Brian Blair)

As with many aspects of life, however, Florida handles things differently and ass-backwards. At least, that’s what the actions of former Hillsborough County commissioner and WWF(E?) wrestler Brian Blair (above left) would lead us to believe. You see, Blair chose to commemorate that most sacred of bonds, the bond between parent and child, by beating the crap out of his two teenage sons on Father’s Day. Hey, Brian? YOU’RE (allegedly) DOING IT WRONG.

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McHale’s Move From Minny Tweeted With By Love

Kevin Love is the first one to tell, er, Tweet the world that Kevin McHale would be leaving the Timberwolves.

Kevin McHale Kevin Love Minnesota Timberwolves

• Now that’s what you call a road test fiesta! Thanks, Top Gear!

• Could Coach K depart Duke to land as head honcho for the Lakers?

Eddie Van Halen is very hot at Nike for ripping off his guitar to design their new shoes.

• The Stanley Cup takes a dip in Mario Lemieux’s pool.

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We May Have A New Leader For Worst Coach Ever

Apart from the obvious athletic benefits, there are plenty of reasons why a parent might want their son to join the high school football team. The young man stands to learn so much about responsibility, commitment, and teamwork: qualities that prepare him for a life in the real world. These are good things.

Guns and Drugs
(We didn’t think it warranted mention, but no, this is not what to bring on a ride with your student-athlete.)

Somewhere in that mix of positivity, though, the signals must have gotten crossed at Deerfield Beach High in Florida, where Dadrion Wilson is an assistant football coach. Police pulled over a car in which Wilson was a passanger and, as luck would have it, one of his players was driving. Then the fun began.

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Bills FB Busted For Masturbating in Woman’s Yard

Buffalo Bills fullback Corey McIntyre recently signed a new two-year contract with the team. So how did he celebrate? Naturally, by allegedly giving his junk a workout in front of a 59-year-old woman’s house during his morning bike ride. How charming.

Corey McIntyre

McIntyre was arrested yesterday and charged with misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs stemming from the incident, which happened on March 20th in Port St. Lucie, Florida. The victim of the “display” was just sitting at her computer, enjoying her morning coffee, when she was delivered the package she didn’t order.

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Palm Beach Police Probe Deaths Of 21 Polo Ponies

In a terrible shock to equestrian sports since the Eight Belles tragedy, 21 horses that were brought from Venezuela to Florida for a polo tournament suddenly collapsed & soon died - 14 by Sunday evening, and 7 more by Monday morning.

Dead polo horse

And officials & police are trying to figure out what killed the horses of the Lechuza Caracas polo team. Theories have ranged from poisoned medication to deadly viruses - and even the possibility of steroid abuse.

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