Marc Stein of the 50,000-watt flamethrower known as ESPN has received word from the NBA’s dominatrix, Stu Jackson, that he will be charged with punishing players with a penchant to exaggerate possible foul situations. In other words: death to the floppers! (Well… a series of very small paper cuts. But those could hurt if they’re not treated promptly! Yeah!)
(You can pry my flopping from my cold dead hands. Unless, of course, you bump into me first. Then it will fall out of my hands when I drop to the ground like a sack of corn meal.)
We fear this will fall apart under the pressure of the NBA season and fail to be pursued after a few months, like calling traveling, improving official scoring, and posting Joey Crawford to D-League games in Siberia. However, we also fear the attempt to return aggressiveness to defenses across the league will be blocked by protests we hear are forming against this new rule.